REWIND... July 2015

We were on a once in a lifetime trip to Hawaii, with our kids and mom n dad and Ritche and Faye. For a whole week. We had been on a foster break since "Lucy" went to her new home in May. The end of the school year was always crazy busy including Ethan's birthday, volleyball tourney in LA and this trip. It all happened perfectly. We told Angels that we will open up our home again the day after we get back from paradise on 7/14. Usually takes a little while to get that first call. I knew I'd be ready so I wanted on that list ASAP. During the break I had gotten a few calls from Angels just verifying the date we were returning. That's fine... I'd rather they know than forget and have my next baby go to someone else.

It was Friday around 9am. We had already been to breakfast and I was getting ready for a nice little nap before the days trek. We only had today and the next day left because we were flying home on Sunday. My phone rings and it says Angels is calling. It was closer to Erwin so he answered it. "Well I know you aren't exactly home yet but we just got s call about a little boy who needs to be removed today. Do you want to hear about him?" Erwin looked at me and since he was repeating the callers every word, I shook my head yes as I was clearly thinking, 'What the heck?!'

"He's Caucasian. He is 2 months old. It's a south bay case. And a domestic violence case. Mom will have visits but not Dad." Now since he has to be picked up tonight, how is that going to work? Angels was going to give the worker a call and see about pickup being on Monday possibly. I was intrigued and kind of excited because I had never had a full Caucasian baby. Like NEVER! That was one of those silent thoughts that you usually don't tell anyone. But because I am obviously the whitest of my little family of four, not to mention one of the few white people in our US/Mexico border city, its something that has been a joke of sorts for me.

I sent the bat signal out to my foster Mommas and sure 'nuff momma K offered to pick him up tonight and deliver him to me Monday if it was allowed. Lots of back 'n forth phone calls and texts later, we rcvd a pic of our sweet 6 week old baby boy who would be waiting for us when we got home on Monday.

I just got a placement while in Hawaii on vacation. Lol... What a crazy world this fostering thing is!

p.s. I have to find a different way of organizing my thoughts/posts until I get back on the telling the story as it happens. lol... Hope you can keep up.

Waiting again...

I’m waiting and waiting and waiting… Ya know during this break my family and I took between sweet foster babies, I would constantly ask myself if I was sure I didn’t want to bring another baby into our home for a while. I would answer myself almost immediately with a resounding YES I am sure I am not ready. I need this break and mu family needs this break. After focusing on my health, my husband and my kids for 2 ½ months, it was time. A few weeks before we opened up I felt that little twinge of wanting a new baby in my arms.  I would see babies in the mall, or in the arms of other foster mommas and begin to wish I had one too. The weekend before, I was dying for a baby! I wondered how I had gone so long without one?! So crazy how the heart and mind work.

After the one false alarm, the 10 days I waited for the next call, seemed like forever! I would turn the ringer on my cell phone every now and then to make sure I wasn’t missing a call.  The question “Any babies yet?” came from everyone and their brother who knew we were a foster family.  Even Abby was asking every day. “Has Meredith called?” And then, Meredith called. 4:55pm. I usually stop staring at the phone after 4pm.  Not sure why. Business hours maybe? Lol… There is a 3 week old baby girl who will be discharged from the hospital tomorrow and they need a home in place. But it will be short term because the family already has the two siblings. They just have to make some calls to northern California and make the transfer. Perfect!

We all happen to be sitting in the same room when the call came in.  This was a first. Usually, it’s just me and I have to gather as much info as I can, which is almost always just the gender and why the child was removed.  I then have to call Er at work to get his opinion/okay on moving forward. That’s the deal we made on day 1 of being licensed. We would always be sure the baby was a good fit for our family together. This time, he was right there and could here Meredith speak all the details through the phone.  “Perfect! No Visits! Yes, we’ll take her!” is what he was screaming from across the room. I just giggled and Meredith laughed and most likely was shaking her head on the other side of the phone call. Er was excited because this little girl’s biological mom has not been involved in her daughter’s life since she gave birth. She is MIA basically. That means, no visits. That means less stress on me. And that means less stress on Er. He won’t get the venting calls from me after a missed visit that I drove across town and sat for 15 minutes only to get right back in the car and come back home. So, we said, “Yes!” We will take her.

Begin Again....Again

“We had our telling today and signed the adoption papers!” Those words are music to my ears! I thought I would start again with a text I got from “Lucy’s” soon to be adoptive Momma. That makes my record of positive outcomes 2 out of 5. Positive Outcome for our home is when the baby is sent to the safest home with the most love, attention and possibility for healthy growth. This little girl has grown leaps and bounds and I wish I could show you before and after pics. She is going to be a beautiful and strong woman one day!
I have been watching my phone intently for the phone call to come thru for baby #6. We had a false alarm last week. The day after I told my agency that we were ready for another kiddo, I got a call that there was a newborn baby girl being discharged that very day. I was ecstatic! I had already started switching my baby boy clothes out with my stash of baby girl clothes. During our break with no kiddos, I fell in love with a specific brand of baby clothes and started purchasing an outfit every now and then when I found them for a good price. (shhh! Don’t tell Er.) So, the fact that a baby girl was my first call was just perfect.  Some would say too good to be true. An hour before I am too pick her up, I receive a text stating that the baby has been placed with a family member that happens to have her 5 other siblings.  Bummer for me, blessing for baby. I was back to waiting. It ended up being perfect for our family, that baby was not placed with us.  That very weekend we had lots of volleyball, including a beach day that gave us 25mph winds swirling tons of sand in our faces and all over. Not exactly the best environment for a newborn baby. God, again, had a plan.  

Goodbye Day for "Lucy"

Friday morning came and I was running around the house as usual trying to gather the rest of “Lucy’s” things. I made sure to look in every crevice of our couch, under her crib, under her set in the car for each and every pacifier she could have dropped. It calmed her down when she would get in those panic modes. We tried to limit those to as few as possible.  I gave “Ethel” 2 bags of toys and belongings the day before when she had her for the whole day.  Abby told me the morning of that she was not going to say her goodbyes to “Lucy”, she wanted to go with me to drop her off. Sure! No problem! Well, I got a phone call from “Ethel” letting me know that she would be ready earlier than we had planned if I wanted to do the drop off then. Sure! No problem! Let’s get this pain train rolling! Got everything in the car and started down the road. I stopped at the stoplight which just happens to be at the intersection towards Abby's school. I looked right, saw the school and about jumped out the window! Luckily, no one was next to me, giving me the opportunity to make a right hand turn from the center lane. I grabbed Abby early from school. She would be devastated and I would feel so guilty if she missed her goodbye! (Phew! That was so frickin’ close!)

Abby and I took “Lucy” to the county office 15 minutes away. We met her new Momma in the garage. I handed her the bags and one box of clothes. I gave her the paperwork I had kept. The dr’s notes and recommendations for future drs notes. Abby took “Lucy” out of the car and held her for a moment. She looked at “Lucy” and told her how much she loved her and how much she was going to miss her. (Kleenex)  “Lucy” grabbed Abby’s face with her two tiny hands, looked at her and babbled her sweet babble, then quietly laid her head on Abby’s shoulder. This sweet 7 month old will forever have a piece of our hearts.  After my squeezes and kisses and promises to love her forever, I handed her over. “Ethel” gave me the biggest hug and thanked me for taking care of “Lucy”. She said we will be seeing each other soon and that I can call to check in or visit whenever I wanted. 

Today we have seen our “Lucy” a handful of times. She is growing by leaps and bounds. Two of her first words were Happy & Ocean! (Her Momma takes her to the beach all the time!) Really, what more could I ask for? “Lucy” is growing up with an amazing family, a super Mom and LOVE all around her! And we are blessed to be able to watch her bloom where God has planted her.

** “Lucy” and her Momma are waiting for their final adoption date. Her bio parents tried throwing some road blocks but in the end couldn’t get their lives in order to put their baby first. Thankfully the foster part of “Lucy’s” story will be a short one. **

Meeting Her New Mom

I wonder if I am the only blogger to ever hit a, let's say, blogger's block numerous times within the year. Or I wonder if it's just the fabulous world of fostering stunting my words. Either way, our 5th Angel "Charlie Brown" has left our home after 5 months and I felt it best to open the laptop and try again to catch up on my story telling.

"Lucy" had such a complicated story to tell with so much I can't share. It's an experience not many in my own circle of Foster Moms could call their own. I can say that as you will soon read, the story took an amazingly positive turn towards Forever Fabulousness!

In true My Family style, please rewind to May of 2015...
We meet on Monday, “Lucy” goes home for a full day visit on Thursday and Goodbye Day will come Friday.  That’s how it was all going to happen. What a whirlwind it was. But I know now that she is where she should be.  About 2 weeks prior to meeting her new Foster Mom I rcvd the call that they found a family for “Lucy”. I couldn’t believe how fast it happened. I was told at least a few months.  The Adoptions worker had called me and asked every question possible about the baby so they could give a great description to the possible families.  I was really good about giving all the details necessary so the family can make a good decision about whether they can take “Lucy” and keep her for possibly the rest of her life. I don’t want her to move anymore.  At this point, I still feel a little bad about not being a concurrent family.  But bottom line, the county and I really didn’t think it probable that “Lucy” would be reunified with her biological family.  This move was better for “Lucy” while she is 7 months young and not as attached to me as she could be a few more months down the road.

I was a nervous wreck going to the office that Monday even though we had talked on the phone numerous times during the 2 week wait.  The new Mom we will call “Ethel”, was so pleasant to talk to. She is in the medical field which was good to know with the few medical issues “Lucy” had. “Ethel” asked all the right questions and was giddy with excitement. Made total sense because “Lucy” would be her first child. I made sure to be available for her to call me whenever she had a question regarding “Lucy’s” care. I wanted to make sure the transition to her new home would be as easy as possible on her. The girl has been through enough in her short little life.

Meeting “Ethel” was uneventful as I knew it would be. Of course my anxiety takes hold of my senses faster than I can take a deep breath.  She wasn’t overly grabby and waited patiently for me to take “Lucy” out of the carrier. I think I would have been a little more crazy excited. A few moments into the visit it was time for a bottle and “Ethel” didn’t hesitate and took over like a natural. That’s when I took my deep breath. She handled everything like a pro. No bobbling or unsureness in her face. She was ready for this. “Lucy” seemed ready. While walking to the car I thought I might be ready too.

Emergency Room

Back in January... I had a crazy day to say the least.  Abby had a soccer game and it has been raining on and off. I’m not sure how “Lucy” is going to do with the loud noises.  She was totally fine with the all day volleyball, in a big ‘ole warehouse with hundreds upon hundreds of girls running around. We thought this day would be ok but were fairly cautious. She slept most of the time. That meant the rain and cold wasn’t bothering her. She was snuggled warm in the carrier under the tarp we set up. The game was nearing the end. Maybe 1 minute left and every parent jumped out of their seats and screamed as a last minute goal was scored! I don’t even think we were done screaming before we heard “Lucy” whaling from her seat. Then, her head shaking began and we were put into worry mode. I just kept thinking to myself – Please stop soon! Please stop soon! This one lasted almost a full minute. It’s ok we got this. Lots of cheek rubbing and forehead stroking and “it’s ok baby”. Then her eyes rolled back in her head for a few seconds and I knew I was headed to the emergency room after the game. She never lost consciousness or stopped breathing so we were so relieved about that. But what the heck was going on.  

I gotta eat lunch and she is doing just fine. I decided to take her in right after I ate.  That sounds easy right? Oh no that is just step 1. It’s Saturday, so I need to call the after hours number at Angel’s to report that I’m taking her in put of the ordinary.  Then, I need to leave a message with the county worker. Then I need to contact the BioMom.  Those don’t always happen in that order. In fact I contact the BioParent usually last because sometimes I just don’t want to hear the questions and then the excuses that come with a conversation like that. And packing up the bag for a possible long ER stay is tedious in itself. I can’t leave once I’m there so I need to make sure I have food for me, bottles for her, clothes, diapers and something else for me to do in case my phone dies or doesn’t work there.

I called BioMom and tell her what happened and not to worry. “Lucy” has been just fine since the incident. I’m taking her in because I want some more answers.  BioMom is crying and after I give her the option of meeting me there or having me keep her updated by phone, the excuses start to flow.  “I have to work” “I have to find a ride” “I have to take the bus and that will take me at least 2 hours to get there” I’m sorry did I not just tell you that your 3 month old daughters eyes rolled back in her head while having what I think is a seizure? (be assured - I said that in much softer terms.) This is exactly why I dislike calling the Bios. No, I hate it! Irritating!

This is where I have to stop telling you the details because of the sensitivity of “Lucy’s” case. I can tell you that they did tests and we were sent home with a referral to a specialist after only 3 hours.

Frustrating to say the least. I really wish they could just tell me. Give me the answers, the fix-all. Good news is she was ok and eating and sleeping the very next day. Well, kind of sleeping. That’s another day on Oprah!

The Visits Begin

PRE-NOTE--> Baby was in my care for a total of 5 days when an event occurred that has limited what I can share about this placement. It became a highly confidential case. --

The first official visit with BioMom at the Angel’s office was an eye opener. This is going to be the first time “Lucy” has seen her mom since she was in the hospital. It’s been a few weeks. I’m a ball of nerves. I can’t imagine what she must be feeling. She has been through a lot in the past few months and most definitely has "some splaining to do"!! 😉

“Lucy” smiled her little smile and kicked those chubby legs for her Mom. She had a wet diaper. I was hoping for a nasty dirty one that I didn’t have to change.  Babies seem to save those for me. Yay me! BioMom was able to give her a bottle and that’s when it started. Her head started to shake, just like she had done a few times before at home with me. She would take a drink for 5 seconds and then let go of the nipple and her head would go back and forth for about 3 seconds. Her entire feeding was like this while her Mom held her.  After that she burped and fell asleep.  Everything is fine right? The visit ended early upon BioMom’s request. She was tired and with the baby asleep she felt no need to be there. She thanked me and left.

I packed us up and headed to the lobby of the Angel’s office to speak to our CEO and out of nowhere “Lucy” started screaming uncontrollably.  She had been sleeping- what is going on? Then it happened again. Her head was shaking and I just knew this was a seizure. What I didn’t realize was it was a direct result of being with BioMom.  The CEO, who is also a foster parent, has seen this before. He agreed.  Being with BioMom took “Lucy” right back to where she used to be and right back to the atmosphere she was removed from. I’ve read it in books. I’ve seen it on TV and I’ve heard the stories. But it’s happening right in front of my face to my sweet baby girl. She is 3 months old and traumatized for all she was put through in the first 2 ½ months of her life.  Wow… So sad. So sad.  There WILL be extra snuggling tonight.