It's been a while. I already have about 5 visits under my belt. Going back to the day before the first one, I was a nervous wreck. This was going to be the first visit with just her and I. No social workers, no parole officers, no one but my baby's bio-mom and me. I asked Erwin to to drive me to the location the day before so I knew where I was going. All I needed was to be lost on the first day in a neighborhood where I DO NOT belong.
Bio-Mom has been ordered to a half-way house (no clue if that's the correct title) where she will undergo recovery and training how to be a Mom. That is probably not what the brochure says specifically but it's the little bit of understanding that I have. For the first portion she is not allowed to leave the location so I will be taking "Little Man" to visit her once a week.
I didn't know what to expect and was met at the door by her counselor and supervisor of the program Jackie. Without describing it too much as to not give away it's location, it was like walking into a rundown apartment building. Inside I was welcomed by Bio-Mom with a huge smile on her face! She looked great! Honestly! No green prison clothes or rubber slippers. Her hair was down, not in a bun like it had been for the past 4 months. She was grinning ear to ear and so excited to see "Little Man". It has been 2 weeks and she was ready to love on him asap!
Returning to today, we sit in a living room each week. Pretty big and comfy. One wall lined with books and another with frosted windows you can't see in or out of. I sit on the couch and she usually sits on the floor with the baby. Here she can change him and feed him and play with him. I have 2 hours to watch her try to figure out what she is supposed to do with her son. It's very odd. There isn't anyone else in the room to fill up dead airspace. You can hear the ladies in the other room reading their journal entries to the support groups. Words like sober, pain, can't and help are repeated over and over again. My reality is not what it used to be. That is for sure.
To be continued....
Monday, April 29, 2013
Sunday, March 10, 2013
I can't do the visit
There is a first time for everything but I did not have this one as a possibility. I woke up with a huge migraine headache. It was a visit day and I always take "Little Man" to see his Mommy. Problem is, this migraine was the one I get about once a month and it lasts 3 days. The kind you can't even open your eyes or else you will vomit right where you stand. There was no way I could drive. I called my Angel's worker and it was a simple "...call the social worker and let her know she will have to do the visit for you and provide transportation." Easy Cheesy right?! I stayed in my pajamas all day and waited for the transportation worker to pick up "Little Man". 15 minutes till their expected arrival my stomach started to turn. I began to think about what was really going on. Some stranger is going to take my baby and won't be back for hours!! Ummm... OK. Praying was the only immediate solution I could muster strength for. I can only hope the Big Guy will watch over "Little Man" for me and bring him back safe and sound. So, his worker shows up with an assistant for help with the transport. A young guy, very nice. OK, they are gone. The door shuts and I am relieved to be able to sleep with no worries of the baby waking but on the other hand...where is my baby??
A few hours later, I wake up and Erwin is home with "Little Man" in his arms. The transport and visit went smoothly. The workers even had a chance to sit down with Erwin and share some details about the case. Funny thing though, right when Erwin opened the door upon their return, he couldn't help but recognize the assistant social worker. It happened to be one of his students from a few years back. Andy said the car in the driveway looked familiar but dismissed it thinking it just couldn't be Mr. Mac. The two caught up a bit and laughed at this crazy reunion. Later, Erwin told me how impressed he was at the man this once unruly student had become. Our "Little Man" was in safe, caring hands. The Big Guy took care of things after all.
Good Night!
:) Amy
A few hours later, I wake up and Erwin is home with "Little Man" in his arms. The transport and visit went smoothly. The workers even had a chance to sit down with Erwin and share some details about the case. Funny thing though, right when Erwin opened the door upon their return, he couldn't help but recognize the assistant social worker. It happened to be one of his students from a few years back. Andy said the car in the driveway looked familiar but dismissed it thinking it just couldn't be Mr. Mac. The two caught up a bit and laughed at this crazy reunion. Later, Erwin told me how impressed he was at the man this once unruly student had become. Our "Little Man" was in safe, caring hands. The Big Guy took care of things after all.
Good Night!
:) Amy
Friday, March 8, 2013
The check is in the mail
Money is always a question that comes up when people find out we are foster parents. "Do you have to pay for all of his stuff?" "How much money do you make?" "You get paid right?"
I don't get offended by these questions. I am actually amused. They usually come from people who don't understand why we are taking care of other people's babies to begin with. And then add the fact that we don't get paid for it... Phew, that really throws them. Bottom line is this. It's not a secret that I have always wanted more kids. People know that I adore being a Mom! A lot of people know that I am obsessed with helping everyone. Helping with the good days and the bad days. I just enjoy serving others. Well, there it is. I am able to be a Mom and help other families at the same time. Money has never been a part of any of this equation. It still isn't today.
My answer to the questions is always the same. "We don't get paid to Foster. We do get a stipend from the County to reimburse us for the costs of raising the child. It covers the diapers, the clothes, the extra food, the gas for all the visits and Dr's appts, etc. "Little Man" is covered through MediCal and he is signed up for WIC which takes care of his formula and most of his food. So, no we don't have extra money in our pockets. We just have extra love in our heart and home." All of this comes through with the same smile on my face. It's honestly a measly detail for us. Well, most of the time.
"Little Man" came to us October 26th of last year. That would be 4 weeks before Thanksgiving, 5 weeks before Abby's birthday and 8 weeks before Christmas. Needless to say, expenses were flowing. The check doesn't come right when you get a child. Not only were we given 6 hours notice that there was a 2-day old ready for us to pick up from the hospital but he was coming to us with a onesie and a blanket from the hospital. It got kind of crazy scrambling for hand me downs, diapers and many other little things. Angel's always brings an amazing goody bag with lots of donated items. Clothes, formula, diapers, etc. It lasts for about 2 weeks. The county takes so long!! We didn't receive any compensation till the 2nd week of December. I can't tell you how exciting it was to find that check in the mailbox. Oh baby! We could breathe and our holidays could commence.
"Why do you put yourself through that?" I respond the only way I know how,"Who else is going to?" In February, Angel's had to turn away 3 babies that needed homes. For us, it's not an option not to. There are so many more ups than there are downs. It's just worth it, every step of the way.
Good Night!
:)Amy
I don't get offended by these questions. I am actually amused. They usually come from people who don't understand why we are taking care of other people's babies to begin with. And then add the fact that we don't get paid for it... Phew, that really throws them. Bottom line is this. It's not a secret that I have always wanted more kids. People know that I adore being a Mom! A lot of people know that I am obsessed with helping everyone. Helping with the good days and the bad days. I just enjoy serving others. Well, there it is. I am able to be a Mom and help other families at the same time. Money has never been a part of any of this equation. It still isn't today.
My answer to the questions is always the same. "We don't get paid to Foster. We do get a stipend from the County to reimburse us for the costs of raising the child. It covers the diapers, the clothes, the extra food, the gas for all the visits and Dr's appts, etc. "Little Man" is covered through MediCal and he is signed up for WIC which takes care of his formula and most of his food. So, no we don't have extra money in our pockets. We just have extra love in our heart and home." All of this comes through with the same smile on my face. It's honestly a measly detail for us. Well, most of the time.
"Little Man" came to us October 26th of last year. That would be 4 weeks before Thanksgiving, 5 weeks before Abby's birthday and 8 weeks before Christmas. Needless to say, expenses were flowing. The check doesn't come right when you get a child. Not only were we given 6 hours notice that there was a 2-day old ready for us to pick up from the hospital but he was coming to us with a onesie and a blanket from the hospital. It got kind of crazy scrambling for hand me downs, diapers and many other little things. Angel's always brings an amazing goody bag with lots of donated items. Clothes, formula, diapers, etc. It lasts for about 2 weeks. The county takes so long!! We didn't receive any compensation till the 2nd week of December. I can't tell you how exciting it was to find that check in the mailbox. Oh baby! We could breathe and our holidays could commence.
"Why do you put yourself through that?" I respond the only way I know how,"Who else is going to?" In February, Angel's had to turn away 3 babies that needed homes. For us, it's not an option not to. There are so many more ups than there are downs. It's just worth it, every step of the way.
Good Night!
:)Amy
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Exactly how we feel!!
Have you seen the movie The Odd Life of Timothy Green? Jennifer Garner stars in it. We watched it as a family one night. Not many movies allow us to do that these days. AMAZING! Obviously not real but the message hit our home and hearts strongly!
Night!
:)Amy
"If you came to me and
said there are two people in the world who want you more than anything, they’ll do their best, they’ll make some
mistakes, and you’ll only get them for a short time, but they will love you
more than you can imagine…well when that’s true I’d say so much is possible.
-Timothy Green
This is what we do. This is how my family feels. Instead of "two people" we are four people. This is true of my family and my home. I haven't cried this hard at a movie in a very long time. It is partially my doing. I live, learn and act with all my heart. I can't even say it's on my sleeve since I think it's way to big for that. The rest of the responsibility for my overflowing cup I give to Angel's. They have made this statement above 100% true. So much is possible when Angel's is on your side. Like I have said before, I feel like I can rule the world with Angel's. For now, we are starting with a few beautiful newborn babies in San Diego.-Timothy Green
Night!
:)Amy
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
First Visit Ever
"I'm going to jail tomorrow" for some reason flowed right out of my mouth when I was asked of my plans for Wednesday. lol... Not sure why... Probably because I have never ever stepped foot in any sort of jail or prison facility nor have a I ever come close to doing so. Though, it was the truth and it stopped every person in their tracks when it was first heard. Those who knew me very well would be waiting for a punchline to the joke. Those who just knew me needed an explanation of some sort because they were really confused and shocked.
"Little Man" and I had to meet his social worker Kim at the Juvenile Hall facility at 2pm where we would visit with Bio-Mom and a few other adults for about an hour. I was nervous but I was also sooo ready. I haven't done any visits for the last two Angel Babies and I felt this was a big part of what we were trained for. I'm packed and I'm ready and I go and then wow! Reality SMACK in the face! There was Kim in the waiting room and another older lady. 60's or 70's. Before I could say hi to Kim, the lady asked if my baby was "Little Man"? I said yes and asked her who she was? It was Bio-Grandma. (a piece of the puzzle) She was also going to be in on the visit. We were escorted inside another room and waited for the door to close behind us. Then escorted into another room where we would find the conference room. I'll be honest, I thought I was going to see some cells or rooms in the distance but it's not like that. It's like a corporate office. Kim knocked on the door and entered to find a huge table, tons of chairs and an officer sitting in the corner very stern looking on a computer. She was obviously very busy and we weren't to interrupt. I was so glad that I had spoken to Bio-Mom's supervising officer on site prior to my visit. She is super nice and I felt very comfortable with her. She walked in with Bio-Mom. Bio-Mom looked exactly like she did when I saw her in the hospital minus the withdrawal symptoms and the tears. And instead of a hospital gown she was wearing a green t-shirt and blue pants that were both way to big for her and a pair of flip flops with socks. We exchanged hello's and I handed her "Little Man". The rest was me answering questions from the officer, the psychologist and Bio-Grandma. At least that was all that was happening while I watched a teenage prisoner hold, change and feed my baby.
"Little Man" and I left after the hour. Bio-Mom and I still on good terms. I asked Kim how I did. Did I say too much? Did I help too much? Should I have let her struggle with his clothes while trying to change his wiggly pudgy body? I did everything right in her eyes. So all was good. Only feeling I had and wasn't sure how to handle was me wanting to give him a bath right when we got home. It's a horrible thought. I wanted to wash off her kisses and touches from my baby boy. His Daddy and I are the only ones who are allowed to nuzzle in those cheeks and suck on those fingers. (she didn't do that but ya know what I mean) Needless to say, there was no bath, some wipes, but no bath and I held him for the rest of the day!
:)Amy
"Little Man" and I had to meet his social worker Kim at the Juvenile Hall facility at 2pm where we would visit with Bio-Mom and a few other adults for about an hour. I was nervous but I was also sooo ready. I haven't done any visits for the last two Angel Babies and I felt this was a big part of what we were trained for. I'm packed and I'm ready and I go and then wow! Reality SMACK in the face! There was Kim in the waiting room and another older lady. 60's or 70's. Before I could say hi to Kim, the lady asked if my baby was "Little Man"? I said yes and asked her who she was? It was Bio-Grandma. (a piece of the puzzle) She was also going to be in on the visit. We were escorted inside another room and waited for the door to close behind us. Then escorted into another room where we would find the conference room. I'll be honest, I thought I was going to see some cells or rooms in the distance but it's not like that. It's like a corporate office. Kim knocked on the door and entered to find a huge table, tons of chairs and an officer sitting in the corner very stern looking on a computer. She was obviously very busy and we weren't to interrupt. I was so glad that I had spoken to Bio-Mom's supervising officer on site prior to my visit. She is super nice and I felt very comfortable with her. She walked in with Bio-Mom. Bio-Mom looked exactly like she did when I saw her in the hospital minus the withdrawal symptoms and the tears. And instead of a hospital gown she was wearing a green t-shirt and blue pants that were both way to big for her and a pair of flip flops with socks. We exchanged hello's and I handed her "Little Man". The rest was me answering questions from the officer, the psychologist and Bio-Grandma. At least that was all that was happening while I watched a teenage prisoner hold, change and feed my baby.
"Little Man" and I left after the hour. Bio-Mom and I still on good terms. I asked Kim how I did. Did I say too much? Did I help too much? Should I have let her struggle with his clothes while trying to change his wiggly pudgy body? I did everything right in her eyes. So all was good. Only feeling I had and wasn't sure how to handle was me wanting to give him a bath right when we got home. It's a horrible thought. I wanted to wash off her kisses and touches from my baby boy. His Daddy and I are the only ones who are allowed to nuzzle in those cheeks and suck on those fingers. (she didn't do that but ya know what I mean) Needless to say, there was no bath, some wipes, but no bath and I held him for the rest of the day!
:)Amy
Saturday, December 15, 2012
Bits and Pieces
I think I am coming upon a weakness of mine within this Foster Care journey. As every day passes we sit and wait for instructions or information on what will happen next. For me, that works great. My anxiety that I fight in all other aspects of my life is kept at bay with all the last minute updates. (I'm a super-star with last minute anything!) The downside is it's only bits and pieces. We are not privy to any information at all. We don't have any rights to know anything accept the well being of our "little man". This is killing me! I just want to know how the puzzle fits together is all. Why is Bio-Mom in jail? Why hasn't the Bio-Dad been found? Or maybe he has? Why wasn't "little man" given to his Bio-Grandma? I need to get over it. But it is going to be so hard. It really makes no huge difference to how we love and care for "little man". It will just satisfy my need to have answers.
Speaking of bits and pieces. It seems that is all I am able to give Bio-Mom when she makes her phone calls once a week. Prior to the actual call I am always going over our conversation in my head. I want to make sure I am giving her all the information that I would want to know myself if I were in her shoes. I talked to her once for about 3 minutes last week till my phone cut out. I felt horrible!! The one chance she gets to find out how her baby is and I drive down a road with no coverage! I left messages for his social worker and my social worker asking if she could have another call since it was my fault the call ended early. The second call was longer. All my practice "calls in my head" had no relevance. Bio-Mom asked the questions and I tried to give as much detail as I could. She was very interested in what he looked like. That was about it. It was very weird to have to edit my speech when telling a story. Instead of "Abby", it's "my daughter". Instead of "at the Volleyball game" it's "at the gym". It all turns out to be bits and pieces of her baby's life. The conversation went well overall. I'm able to email her supervising Parole Officer pictures that she will then print out for her. That makes me feel good. After I hang up, I have to kind of evaluate how I did and how I am feeling. I need to back up and remember who I just spoke with. A drug addict who is incarcerated and had her child taken from her. My heart has been pulled back in and I am back to reality.
Nite Nite!
:)Amy
Speaking of bits and pieces. It seems that is all I am able to give Bio-Mom when she makes her phone calls once a week. Prior to the actual call I am always going over our conversation in my head. I want to make sure I am giving her all the information that I would want to know myself if I were in her shoes. I talked to her once for about 3 minutes last week till my phone cut out. I felt horrible!! The one chance she gets to find out how her baby is and I drive down a road with no coverage! I left messages for his social worker and my social worker asking if she could have another call since it was my fault the call ended early. The second call was longer. All my practice "calls in my head" had no relevance. Bio-Mom asked the questions and I tried to give as much detail as I could. She was very interested in what he looked like. That was about it. It was very weird to have to edit my speech when telling a story. Instead of "Abby", it's "my daughter". Instead of "at the Volleyball game" it's "at the gym". It all turns out to be bits and pieces of her baby's life. The conversation went well overall. I'm able to email her supervising Parole Officer pictures that she will then print out for her. That makes me feel good. After I hang up, I have to kind of evaluate how I did and how I am feeling. I need to back up and remember who I just spoke with. A drug addict who is incarcerated and had her child taken from her. My heart has been pulled back in and I am back to reality.
Nite Nite!
:)Amy
Thursday, December 13, 2012
I'm TIRED!!
I'm tired people...so tired. But asking for help is completely out of the question of course. Why would I make things easier for myself? I'm tired mentally, physically and definitely just headed into the emotionally exhausted mode.
"Little Man" is not the sleeper we always hoped for. I think we have it narrowed down to bad digestive system. He seems to get the worst gas pains in the evening. We have started the Mylecon treatments hoping it's the trick. --- That was 2 weeks ago. No solutions here. Still our little almost 6 week old has stuck to his every 3 hours, 4 oz and well into the night. I get to the frustrated point a few times a week. Mostly the days where I don't get a nap to re-fuel! I just wish he could tell me exactly what he is feeling. Is it his belly? Is it the abdominal hernia? (Nice huh? Dr notes "Don't worry, unless he is in pain." And I am supposed to know that how?) Or maybe he is hungry? In the middle of the check-off list I remember he is only 4 weeks and 5 weeks old. He is still figuring things out. Chill Momma Chill!
During the day he is a sweet sweet boy and everyone around him has begun their deep deep love affair. This translates into very little effort on my part when we are out and about. Moms take a number just to get a few minutes of his chubbiness in their arms. I'm beginning to get the "he's big for his age..."comments. I just respond with, "We like the 2 or 3 chins look!" lol... I'm not sure what a baby looks like without 2 or 3 chins, come to think of it. ;)
Looking forward to the weekends. This is when Erwin is home and able to do the morning feedings and let me sleep in. Sooo good!!
"Little Man" has been to Sea World, high school volleyball playoffs, soccer games and next week we are going to Tea in La Jolla! Unfortunately the day before Tea we are going to Jail. My first visit, my first time in jail for any reason and I have no idea what to say or do. Should be nothing less than interesting!
:)Amy
"Little Man" is not the sleeper we always hoped for. I think we have it narrowed down to bad digestive system. He seems to get the worst gas pains in the evening. We have started the Mylecon treatments hoping it's the trick. --- That was 2 weeks ago. No solutions here. Still our little almost 6 week old has stuck to his every 3 hours, 4 oz and well into the night. I get to the frustrated point a few times a week. Mostly the days where I don't get a nap to re-fuel! I just wish he could tell me exactly what he is feeling. Is it his belly? Is it the abdominal hernia? (Nice huh? Dr notes "Don't worry, unless he is in pain." And I am supposed to know that how?) Or maybe he is hungry? In the middle of the check-off list I remember he is only 4 weeks and 5 weeks old. He is still figuring things out. Chill Momma Chill!
During the day he is a sweet sweet boy and everyone around him has begun their deep deep love affair. This translates into very little effort on my part when we are out and about. Moms take a number just to get a few minutes of his chubbiness in their arms. I'm beginning to get the "he's big for his age..."comments. I just respond with, "We like the 2 or 3 chins look!" lol... I'm not sure what a baby looks like without 2 or 3 chins, come to think of it. ;)
Looking forward to the weekends. This is when Erwin is home and able to do the morning feedings and let me sleep in. Sooo good!!
"Little Man" has been to Sea World, high school volleyball playoffs, soccer games and next week we are going to Tea in La Jolla! Unfortunately the day before Tea we are going to Jail. My first visit, my first time in jail for any reason and I have no idea what to say or do. Should be nothing less than interesting!
:)Amy
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