My Family Moments: ----

Friday, October 11, 2013

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I've just been in bed crying as quietly as I can as to not wake him up. Little Man is still the worst sleeper ever! Cutest curly hair but damn Gina! He can't sleep through the night but maybe once a week. And yes, he is 11 months old.

I'm typing now. Er thinks I'm getting a glass of water. It's 2am. Not sure why or how we are both awake. WARNING! MOM - DAD - CLOSE FRIENDS - LOOK AWAY - TMI -- We were kissing as quietly as we could -- OK - YOU CAN LOOK AGAIN -- and after, just lying there, I started crying. Not because I love this man so much and I can't believe he is with me 19 years later, but because I told him "I want to hold your hand more." It's hurts my heart because I am so tired from the daily grind of being a mom of 3 while my husband busts his butt supporting us. We barely have time to hold hands. My heart is breaking because the thoughts of resenting my bee-utiful Little Man have entered my tired mind. I ask myself pretty much on a daily basis, most definitely on Mondays and Thursdays, "When he is leaving?" "Why do I have to sit here and watch her (biomom) struggle with how to play with him or hold him?" "When is she (S.W.) going to make up her mind and either give him back or give him the life he deserves?" "Why are they all just sitting there while I take care of him and don't get to make any decisions about his future?!?"

-- Hubby just came down looking for me! -- I need to be brutally honest because I know that is what makes me feel better with no meds. Stories and lies from others to myself are what has kept me down for so long. I will be honest and not care who knows what! Well, you know, not about everything! I love this little boy so much! But It's just not fair! It's stopped being fair about 6 months ago! He turns 1 in less than a month. And he is being held in mid-air not knowing if anyone is there to catch him. You know who is holding him up there? Me! I'm dangling him with loving arms and a full heart! Somehow I don't feel like it counts. No matter how many people tell me that I am giving him so much that will help him later. I'm still dangling him and tonight I felt him slip a little. It hurts so much. I would never let anyone in my life slip. My friends and family know that. But I am not in control here. This sucks. God -- this sucks! The sick thing is I know that when he moves on I will do this all over again. lol... Sick or hilarious?! I know it will be better just for the fact I will know how it feels and that it could last awhile. I will be a bit more prepared right? The experience under my belt.

It's crazy late or crazy early. Erwin is wondering what the heck I'm doing down here.

Night!
:)Amy

1 comment:

M&N said...: Praying for your heart, for strength, for wisdom, for renewed passion and for peace that only HE can give!; Sunday, October 13, 2013

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"Foster Family" Terminology

SW: Social Worker = This is a professionally trained (at times I feel from a YouTube video) individual who works for any County or private organization. My foster baby will have a SW and I will have a SW who is also known as a CCW. (see below)

CCW: Clinical Case Worker = This is a professionally trained individual, also known as a Social Worker who works for Angel’s Foster Family Network. They are assigned to a maximum of 12 families at one time and lead them through the fostering system. They are our right hand gal. (no males as of yet) This person does all the legal pushing and pulling on our behalf so we can focus solely on loving and caring for our foster babies. I would not and will not ever do my job as a foster mom without these people.

Supervised Visit = The bioparent has rights to see their child no matter the circumstances. Most often the visits begin as 1 to 2 hours, 1 to 2 times a week. An adult that is approved must watch the parent with the child at all times. (sometimes a lot of work and sometimes boring as heck)

Unsupervised Visit = The bioparent has rights to see their child no matter the circumstances before. If they are improving their situation then they will eventually get the right to have visits without supervision. The foster parent must drop off the child at an approved location and pick them up later. Most often the visit is for 2-6 hours 1 to 2 times a week. And these will only increase in length as the situation improves. (super hard for the foster parent to move to this step)

Foster Baby/Child = A child that has been removed from their biological family due to many different reasons affecting the welfare of the child. They are then placed in protective custody under the County and State.