I want another baby. To most of the people included in my life this is not news. If I think down the road that we have decided to have another baby, I get so excited. I can't wait to find out the sex, plan their wardrobe and just being pregnant. Then in that very same moment, Erwin and I start to bicker or not soon after we are arguing about how to raise Ethan and Abby. And here I am about 10 hours later wondering what the heck am I thinking wanting another baby? Er and I bicker most of the time when it comes to the kids and making the right decision for them. I just start to feel selfish and guilty when it comes to me thinking about raising another child when we can't even agree on how to raise the two we already have. I am seriously torn. And I really have no idea how Erwin feels. I know, start there right? I just don't think it's fair to be mad at something he said to the kids then in the next breathe try to convince him to have another baby. lol... what a mess.
Is it the father's job to push the kids to reach their goals and maximize their abilities and then the mother's job is to catch them when they fall short or can't handle it? Maybe if I figure this out, the parenting dilemmas between Er and I might fall into place. "Might" being the key word!
Night Night!
p.s. Just thinking of baby names puts a smile on my face. ;)
Monday, October 20, 2008
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Back in the swing of things...
Ethan had his first week back to school. And I was a horrible mom 3 out of the 4 days this week since I gave him a granola bar for breakfast while we ran to the car to get him to school late. It was so hard this week to get back into it. Thank goodness he is so easy going and has been completely okay with being dropped off at the curb. He is so grown up. Or just really good at dealing with his overworked mom! LOL!
A really disturbing thing has happened in Ethan's world this week. On Monday or Tuesday another mom from his class let me know that a friend of his is in the ICU fighting for her life. Little 7 yr old has been diagnosed with Lupus and as of Tuesday had complete Kidney Failure. I was sick to my stomach when I heard this news. She is 7 yrs old and the chills are back on my arms just typing it. I cant imagine what her mom and dad are going through. I haven't heard anything since then so as I remember everyday I try to say a little prayer for her and her family.
So Abby said a cute thing the other day. Now most people know that she is going to be a star of some sort, well maybe just I k now that, but above anything Abby LOVES to dance. She has been moving since she could sit. Knowing you would have to know that Dancing with the Stars is one of her most favorite shows. As we were driving somewhere this week she says," Mom...when I grow up can I be on Dancing with the Stars? And can I dance with Daddy? 'Cause I love to dance!" I told her "Yes!" She is going to dance or sing or act in any job she ends up in. And I can't wait to watch! I don't think Ive heard of a dancing, singing Zoo Keeper...have you?
A really disturbing thing has happened in Ethan's world this week. On Monday or Tuesday another mom from his class let me know that a friend of his is in the ICU fighting for her life. Little 7 yr old has been diagnosed with Lupus and as of Tuesday had complete Kidney Failure. I was sick to my stomach when I heard this news. She is 7 yrs old and the chills are back on my arms just typing it. I cant imagine what her mom and dad are going through. I haven't heard anything since then so as I remember everyday I try to say a little prayer for her and her family.
So Abby said a cute thing the other day. Now most people know that she is going to be a star of some sort, well maybe just I k now that, but above anything Abby LOVES to dance. She has been moving since she could sit. Knowing you would have to know that Dancing with the Stars is one of her most favorite shows. As we were driving somewhere this week she says," Mom...when I grow up can I be on Dancing with the Stars? And can I dance with Daddy? 'Cause I love to dance!" I told her "Yes!" She is going to dance or sing or act in any job she ends up in. And I can't wait to watch! I don't think Ive heard of a dancing, singing Zoo Keeper...have you?
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Another week...
Here we go another weekend gone, another week on the horizon. It's already packed with things to do. But I did make a little change. I added a few fun things for the kids and I to do. Tomorrow we will have a play date with Ethan's Kinder teacher who I have become really good friends with. She has a 4 1/2 yr old and an 8 months old. I have told Ethan she has been practicing her English a lot since he is kind of confused how I can talk to her so well. (he thinks she only speaks Spanish, since that is the way it is at school) Then we are headed to the Balboa Park museums on Tuesday since they are free on that day. Wednesday I am free for the afternoon which will be nice. Thursday, I have joined a Meet-Up group for Chula Vista Moms. They set up all these different play dates all over Chula Vista and south San Diego to give moms and kids things to do. I am surprising the kids with Pump It Up. They have been dying to go and since I screwed up royally a few weeks back, I owe it to them. Plus, it's $6 for one kids and $4 for a 2nd. Perfect! They will be so excited to jump around like monkeys for an hour and a half. And Friday we have an afternoon Birthday Party at a pool. Tuesday and Thursday we have a Volleyball games to attend to support Erwin's Varsity and V girls starting their season. I think Wednesday night we may do a "team bonding" dinner. A house full of teenage girls. Poor Erwin!
We went Saturday to watch 'Beverly Hills Chihuahua'. so good! Perfect for kids. And of course Abby was LOVING it! LOVED IT! She is too funny!
We went Saturday to watch 'Beverly Hills Chihuahua'. so good! Perfect for kids. And of course Abby was LOVING it! LOVED IT! She is too funny!
Friday, October 3, 2008
What a day!
I can't believe I did today what I did today. I started "Zumba". I guess it's a Latin aerobics type thing. Anyway, I just had my first class today with some of my best girls. I Marangued, Salsa'd, Cumbia'd, and 4 other dances. I haven't sweat this much since I don't know when. Definitely not in San Diego. It was crazy! I am going to be swearing my friend up and down tomorrow morning. I already know this. I will be going next week though. Too cool!
And then I had a meeting with a new boss. A friend who has started his own business has asked for my help and I have accepted. I will be his Executive Assistant and loving it. I will have my hands back in the corporate business world all the while staying at home with my family, working for Lee and running my passion with CM! I am stoked. I already have 4 emails from this new job and I just started about 2 hours ago. It's a good thing! Craziness is my specialty! Now I am going to catch up on some brain-numbing Days and some frozen yogurt. Then off to bed.
And then I had a meeting with a new boss. A friend who has started his own business has asked for my help and I have accepted. I will be his Executive Assistant and loving it. I will have my hands back in the corporate business world all the while staying at home with my family, working for Lee and running my passion with CM! I am stoked. I already have 4 emails from this new job and I just started about 2 hours ago. It's a good thing! Craziness is my specialty! Now I am going to catch up on some brain-numbing Days and some frozen yogurt. Then off to bed.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Focusing
Enough is enough. I have waited till I can find the right moment with the right thing to say so when the next person who reads it will see that I am productive, getting ahead and staying strong. This blog should help someone else focus on what's important. That has been my mind set for the past 3 months and I have gotten almost no entries done. Part is I feel like I have to tell you all everything that is going on in my life. That is if I leave something out, I am not going to be holding up my end of the friendship/communication bargain. I mean really, don't you have to know everything going on in my life to know how I am?
I just watched the Oprah about the mom who left her 2 yr old in the car for over 8 hours while she was at work. It wasn't in her normal routine to take the baby to daycare so she just completely forgot once she was on the road. She went into auto-pilot. All these other moms called in and wrote in saying that is exactly what could happen to them if they don't stop right now. I'm telling you that is what could be happening to me. Difference is it will be something like pulling out of the driveway without both kids in the car or without me looking behind me to make sure there aren't cars coming.
2 weeks ago it was my daughters best friends birthday party. Both kids had been looking forward to it all week. I of course used it as a behavior tool..."if you don't blah blah blah you won't go to the party!" I had been looking at the invite every morning and afternoon for 4 or 5 days prior and especially the morning of. The party was at 1pm. Perfect ... I get to sleep in and get up when the kids do, eat at a leisurely pace, give the kids their showers as well as myself, and hey Ethan can even clean his room before we head out. We get to the party place at 1:10pm and I don't recognize anyone and sure cant find the birthday girl. I ask the front desk what is going on and she says our friends party is over it actually began at 11:00 that morning. HORRIBLE MOTHER! That was the first thought in my mind. I had to tell the kids, especially Abby that we now had to go home because I messed up. All she knew was she couldn't play with her friends. She bawled and was so sad. I was devastated that I did this. I just don't do these things.
I had not been focusing and messed up. Now after watching this show I feel that may have been God just throwing a little pebble at me to wake me up and tell me to slow down. I really don't want the big brick to be thrown my way! I am not going to be the "Perfect Mother" now nor ever. I need to learn how to get over that. The sooner the better. I have another friend that has finally gotten up the courage to admit she is fighting Post Partum Depression and has stopped faking it in front of her Dr that she is okay. She has started her meds and I think from recent conversations she is feeling a tad more in control now. We all need a break. I really feel this empowerment about me choosing to take a nap pretty much every day. ( I cant believe I just admitted to that) Sometimes I have a big chunk of time and sometimes its 20 minutes. But if I don't rest, I am no good to anyone. I admit I cannot do it all. And even well rested I cannot do it all. Some things I do better than others. And that is okay. It's okay.
I am committing to myself to continue to write here every night before I go to bed. I'm usually trying to finish up an email anyway. I can throw something in here whether it be a "GOD Moment" a "Mommy Moment" or an "OMG-what-the-heck-am-I going-to-do-now-Moment". I hope some of you, my dear friends, will think about doing the same. Take time for you. Just breathe! I just did!
I just watched the Oprah about the mom who left her 2 yr old in the car for over 8 hours while she was at work. It wasn't in her normal routine to take the baby to daycare so she just completely forgot once she was on the road. She went into auto-pilot. All these other moms called in and wrote in saying that is exactly what could happen to them if they don't stop right now. I'm telling you that is what could be happening to me. Difference is it will be something like pulling out of the driveway without both kids in the car or without me looking behind me to make sure there aren't cars coming.
2 weeks ago it was my daughters best friends birthday party. Both kids had been looking forward to it all week. I of course used it as a behavior tool..."if you don't blah blah blah you won't go to the party!" I had been looking at the invite every morning and afternoon for 4 or 5 days prior and especially the morning of. The party was at 1pm. Perfect ... I get to sleep in and get up when the kids do, eat at a leisurely pace, give the kids their showers as well as myself, and hey Ethan can even clean his room before we head out. We get to the party place at 1:10pm and I don't recognize anyone and sure cant find the birthday girl. I ask the front desk what is going on and she says our friends party is over it actually began at 11:00 that morning. HORRIBLE MOTHER! That was the first thought in my mind. I had to tell the kids, especially Abby that we now had to go home because I messed up. All she knew was she couldn't play with her friends. She bawled and was so sad. I was devastated that I did this. I just don't do these things.
I had not been focusing and messed up. Now after watching this show I feel that may have been God just throwing a little pebble at me to wake me up and tell me to slow down. I really don't want the big brick to be thrown my way! I am not going to be the "Perfect Mother" now nor ever. I need to learn how to get over that. The sooner the better. I have another friend that has finally gotten up the courage to admit she is fighting Post Partum Depression and has stopped faking it in front of her Dr that she is okay. She has started her meds and I think from recent conversations she is feeling a tad more in control now. We all need a break. I really feel this empowerment about me choosing to take a nap pretty much every day. ( I cant believe I just admitted to that) Sometimes I have a big chunk of time and sometimes its 20 minutes. But if I don't rest, I am no good to anyone. I admit I cannot do it all. And even well rested I cannot do it all. Some things I do better than others. And that is okay. It's okay.
I am committing to myself to continue to write here every night before I go to bed. I'm usually trying to finish up an email anyway. I can throw something in here whether it be a "GOD Moment" a "Mommy Moment" or an "OMG-what-the-heck-am-I going-to-do-now-Moment". I hope some of you, my dear friends, will think about doing the same. Take time for you. Just breathe! I just did!
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