1: a period of temporary delay
2: an interval of rest or relief
I always defined "respite" in a medical sense. If someone was very ill and needed to stay home with respite care. Something like that. (if I apply the definition I have just found, I made no sense for years) In the Foster Parenting world, it is commonly used for assistance with foster kids. For example, if you have plans for a trip and the courts won't allow you to take your child along, your child is put into a respite home until you return. Or it can be a home that takes care of a foster child just for a night or a weekend to give the parents a break. These homes are licensed and ready to support foster families. It seems to me that respite is put out there almost as a requirement or automatic part of the responsibility foster parents take on. It was talked about in our training. There have been many articles written on the subject too. Makes us feel weird.
I understand that sometimes foster families may have no other choice because of the courts to use a respite home. Makes sense. It's a rule. But as for "a break" or a "date night"? Erwin and I are foster parents by title but will always be parents at heart. As we parent our own children, we rarely take breaks or use date nights. Sometimes they are offered by family or friends. And sometimes we accept. We know these families and make sure we only do it when there is no other choice. Basically we feel like we have chosen to be parents not as a job for our biological children or our foster children, but as a life choice. We don't think we should take breaks from our life. Yes, sometimes we feel we need it because we are tired or overwhelmed. We are humans with limits like everyone else. But we don't call people and ask them to take our children so we can have a break. We simply take a break with our kids. A change in the daily routine. Not temporarily eliminating one of the sources of our fatigue. If you think about it, the kids probably need a break too. This doesn't change because we have our Angel Baby. Our kids aren't going to be in our homes forever. Well, they better not be. And for sure our Angel Babies won't be in our homes for long either. We will take our "respite" when they leave. We will have plenty of time there to refresh, relax, recharge and go on date nights.
I always re-read what I am writing as I am writing it to make sure it's all flowing nicely without ranting. This post seems as if I am building myself up on this pedestal. I promise that is not where I am coming from. We are not anything special. I am not trying to prove our invincibility. I also know some families need respite. They use it and love it. They couldn't be the awesome parents they are without it. That is totally OK. Obviously it's there to help, not to hinder. I just simply want to state that it's just not for us. We will continue to do our job, loving and caring for "our kids" no matter the length of the day or the weight of the world on our shoulders. It's just who we are. I wonder if that is a good or bad thing? I may need to post again on the topic... Opinions?
:)Amy
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