Do we want to know?

Erwin and I sat down many times throughout the last two years and talked vaguely about reunification. The details, that is.  We always knew he would be leaving.  As time went on, hoping it was to another family, we had to start breaking down into the details because it was almost go time. We always said, we wouldn’t be able to keep in touch with him if he goes back to bios because it would be super hard to watch him grow up lacking the basic needs we believe he should have.  Wait. Stop. It happens every day. Kids are raised in less than desirable environments. They sometimes leave and get on with a positive and fruitful life.  We get that.  But having a hand in the game and not being able to have a say just seems undoable for us. So, we will not be keeping in touch. Maybe ask for a picture now and then or an email with a little update. That will have to suffice for our hearts to not break. Who would have thunk that a week before we were to hand him over we would decide that maybe we can keep in touch once a month? Actually, I decided that I would keep in touch with BioMom and hopefully be given a visit with “Little Man” once a month. This has to be the healthiest way for him to know that we do love and care for him and will always be there should something fall apart along the way for his family.  Of course it was made a little easier when we were told by the SW that this family will be back in their offices.  "“Little Man” will be removed again." Ok. So she knows it’s not right for him to reunified, hence the recommendation for the past 21 months to terminate rights, but here you go unfit mother. Here’s your chance to breakdown your son before he can continue on with a semi-normal life.  Ok. I get it. What the heck??!!  …Side note… explanation to make that easier to digest came from conversations with various fosters. Veterans and newbies alike. See, BioMom has never had her son.  She messed up while she was prego but not while he has been alive outside of her. She has to be given a chance to “mother” him and most likely screw up before they can keep her away from him.  Makes sense huh? Don’t like it, but it makes sense. Don’t call me a bad mother if I’ve never had a chance to mother my baby. It makes sense to me and I would only hope I would be given the same chance.

Back to our role in his future…  If and when he is pulled from her custody again, we want to make sure he is not completely angry at us for abandoning him... Disappearing from his life.  By seeing him, he will know we are around and will protect him forever. Whether close or from a distance. Erwin is still not so convinced.  He wants nothing to do with BioMom. Ever. Totally understood. I will be the go between as I always have been.  'Gosh I hope I can handle this' was a final thought to many of my days before saying goodbye! I said it then and I say it now, even after I have seen him 3 times since he has returned.