In the last blog I wrote how one of my responsibilities is taking my "Little Man" to see his biological mother whenever I am told to. Two days a week I meet her at the county office. This is good for a couple of reasons. First, it's nice to have documentation that we were both there when we sign in with the security guard. Secondly, the security guard is now my friend. He has seen some of the drama unfold with BioMom on these visit pick-ups and drop-offs. Plus, he has seen a whole lot more of bioparents and foster parents coming in and out for the office. Finally, I feel safe here. It's a county office. Even though BioMom has never tried any funny business with me or the baby... wait. First it was visits in jail, then in a narcotics recovery center. Two places where there can't be any funny business or the you know what hits the fan. Duh she hasn't tried anything. Somehow I always feels like she's due.
The other visit of the week I take "Little Man" to her home in a transitional living space. I don't even get out of the car. Except when I witness a lady run a red light and plow into a truck. That's another day on Oprah. There really have never been big crazy things that happen with this case. The time it is taking for the county to make up it's mind on BioMom's competency is insane for sure. But there is a smaller issue that has been rearing its ugly head a lot lately. And I am DONE with it. It's super annoying. This is your son you are trying to get back and supposedly dying to see. Be there in time for goodness sake. Last week she came out at 14 minutes. That would be 14 minutes of me waiting for her in the car. Rule: I can leave after waiting anywhere for her for 15 minutes. For real lady? 14 minutes?? In my head, next time I am leaving at 13! You know me, the one who breaks all the rules?! Before this and after this she has been 5 minutes here and 7 minutes there. And oh there was 25 minutes once. Had to wait because she called to let me know she would be late. As of Friday, I couldn't understand why everyone else wasn't up in arms. Today, a different thought has been racing through my head. It all boils down to this. My story: She is late all the time -- What a horrible Mom right?! My other story: There have been times where I have been late every single day of the week for school drop off. It's even lasted for several weeks minus a few good days in between. So... this makes me a horrible Mom right?! Difference is no one threatened to take my kids away or even berate me for my lack of time management.
Why am I wanting the worst for BioMom? I think it's all I have to hold on to. We are closer than we have ever been to "Little Man" going back to his Mom. I guess my anger is one of the last straws I am grasping for. This week I will focus on letting it go. I have relayed my anger and annoyance of her disrespect for my time to my Social Worker and she has let her worker know. There is nothing else I can do. Well, except leave at 13minutes of lateness. As if that is going to make a difference. I shall see. I'm sure she will give me the opportunity to test out my theory at least once this week.
Night!
:)Amy
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