The kids said their big goodbyes the night before. Before bedtime.
Hard to watch but I think I was still a little disconnected from the reality of
it all. Erwin went to work in the morning and decided to leave early to help me
and then take the next day off to support me, grieve with me, whatever ya want to
call it. I still don’t know. We walked out the front door to start what looked
like our normal day. Not 10 seconds later we were reminded this is not a normal
day. “Little Man” refused to get in the car.
Huh? He loved getting the car, most of the time. If he refused, Abby could get
him in or a toy/blankie bribe would always get him in. Nope, he was screaming and
would not sit in the seat. He knew just as well as we did, something different
was happening today. I had to take him
out and walk around the yard for about 1 minute to calm him down. I promised
him McD’s pancakes and he was good. Abby
already started crying before the car was on. By the time we got to drop off
circle at school, she was in a full blown ugly-cry meltdown. She kissed him and I went against all the
stay-at-mom rules and got out of the car in my xmas pajama pants, shirt with no
bra, teeth not brushed, hair in a bun attire and just about carried her to the office. I walked in passing everyone in line that was
late and handed her off to my friend the attendance lady. Abby melted in her arms
crying on her shoulder. I was crying by now and the rest of the office staff
knew what was happening today without a word from me. The secretary mouthed to
me that she would be watching her all day and checking in. Thank God for bringing these amazing women
into my life. They are my friends and I know my sweet girl will be ok. The rest
of the morning was normal. Ethan said goodbye
in his mature, teenage boy, can’t be shaken way. I just drove to McD’s and then
home looking in the rearview mirror every chance I got. Thinking about how empty my car will feel
every morning without him behind me. And let me tell you, two months later, the
ride home remains very quiet.
1 comment:
Bawling . . . such a heart breaker for everyone.
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