My Crazy Family

Im hoping to stick these images in my brain before I head to bed this morning... I love these three people with everything I am. They truly are what wakes me up in the morning, sometimes in every sense of the word. When I hear their voices, I am home. I am safe. I am happy.

WARNING: Mini-dump of my thoughts

Im hesitant to even start this. It's 2:32am Monday morning after 2 weeks of break for kids and Erwin. We've had a great vacation to Vegas and a not so great bought of strep throat, mono and now a lung infection. I guess I can say I am glad we have lots of clothes since not much laundry has been done during these 2 weeks. Saying that doesn't make it feel or sound very good. I have managed to bake, cook fresh vegies and freeze them, work, work on my albums, attend EHS Vball games, take a few showers here and there and let's see what else. I don't know, maybe it will come to me before I end this.

I know this schedule is not working for me. It can't be good for my health. I know it's not good for my marriage. I slept last night at 330/4. As I was turning off lights to go upstairs, Abby met me half way and was wheezing. Breathing treatment for her which just meant I slept 20 minutes later, No biggie. I woke up at 1pm Sunday. Now I will probably sleep at 330 this morning and my alarm will go off at 630.hahaha...Pretty sure both kids will go back to school tomorrow. Abby is the one with the cough but nothing else says, besides the dr,that she is sick. Ill weigh it out in the morning. I have a dr's appt at 10am. Maybe he will have the answer for the sleepless nights. Fingers crossed but not holding my breath. 3rd Pyschiatrist in 12 months. Gotta love Kaiser Mental Health. Maybe this one will stick around for awhile. Hey I just thought, 3rd ones a charm?! I would love to go to bed like everyone else. Maybe before the next day.

Thinking about making tomorrow "schedule making day". I always try to avoid schedules since if I fall off the "schedule" then I get anxious and my tummy takes over. Is there also a saying about 16th times a charm?

(lapse of 4 minutes)

I have not typed anything for 4 minutes cuz I am trying to figure out what to type next. It's kind of like I am being graded. Would this be ok to type? Or should I post that one on FB? No one really cares about this... and on and on. hahahaha... I do know that I am going to try my best to sit outside tomorrow. Hoping for a nice breeze to clear my head. And blow the germs out of our house. Im opening all windows. Every single one. I would love to get through the Holidays (can't believe I just said that) with no sickies. We have stuff to do, places to go, people to see. Well really we just have school, Ballet, Hip-Hop, EHS sports and homework to do, but ya know.

Alarm Clock Time

Am I the only one who has the hardest time getting up in the morning? Let me rephrase that...Am I the only parent who has the hardest time getting up at 645am and then getting her two kids up in the morning and ready for school at 740am...all with enough time for a nutritious breakfast and time for them to actually wake-up? I can't stand the fact that I do get us all out the door and looking like we have been up for hours only to get to school with 2 minutes to spare when we see the line out of the office for late slips. We end up being 15 minutes late having to walk that walk of shame. You know the one where every other parent is walking off campus with no kids and you are stuck walking on campus with your kids, muffin in hand? (Muffin = FiberOne muffins made with milk not water) I feel so bad that I always end up telling the kids we will do something special after school since mommy is in capable of such a simple thing. Ice cream at Rite-Aide. Nothing huge but it's a band-aid nonetheless.

So I think it's time for an alarm clock in Ethan's room. 3rd grade...completely old enough to have to wake up and try to wake up his mom so they are not late. Cuz, my two alarms just don't do it. I am afraid Ethan is going to be just like his mom. I swear I cannot hear the alarm clock. I just can't. Altho, maybe I do and I just shut it off or keep pressing my most favorite and unfavorite button...Snooze! Anyway... he will be waking up to an alarm clock beginning tomorrow morning. Gotta check it out and see if it really works.

A new goal for me since I still have millions of thoughts racing through my mind at all times. I am going to attempt to blog in the mornings when I get back from school. Sometimes it may be the afternoons pending volunteering. But when I return I shall return to the blog. My only other options are continuing this flow of "I really need to call so-so (times that by 35) to tell them what I was just thinking". But when I get home life happens yet again and I pile 15 more thoughts on top of those I already had and wanted to take care of. Like for instance...I was driving home after dropping the kids off this morning and had to do a double-take at a light brown minivan that was obviously Patti's! Except for the fact that Patti lives in North Carolina and definitely was not perusing Chula Vista at 8am this morning. But I thought about her and never have the time to call her or email because right after I thought that I saw a stray puppy-dog walking down the street all alone. All I could think then was I hope he is walking home and doesn't have to cross E.Palomar. Maybe I should have stopped but that is impossible since he was really bookin it and you can't stop the Expedition on a dime! And then as I pulled in the driveway I realized Er didn't pull out the yard trash bin for garbage guy and I need to empty my workshop trash. Aye Aye Aye...Patti's call/email/facebook will have to wait!

Time to take advantage of my quiet house for 2 1/2 hours.

CRossroads

It's 12:12am Sunday evening or it's Monday morning. I am sitting on the couch listening to the air conditioning going on and off and Murphy snoring. I just finshed watching Brothers and Sisters and remembering what I told Erwin about 45 minutes ago. "I am going to watch one more OPRAH and then Ill be in bed."

(taking you back to this morning...) It was about 3am Sunday morning that I finally went up to bed. After trying to fall asleep for 30+ minutes I came back downstairs, watched a SuperNanny and slept at 430am. Abby came downstairs at 830am and Ethan at 915am. We had breakfast..cereal, and then Erwin joined us at 10ish when I decided to go back to sleep. I woke up at 230pm and spent the rest of the afternoon with Er and the kids in the garage putzing around. We then headed to the Mac's for family dinner coming home at abuot 830pm. All this brings me to the present. What the heck am I doing? A mess! Cuz the kicker of it all is I had a migraine from Saturday morning till tonight at 7pm. Or Sunday at 7pm. Am I tired now? Probably...But I have Facebook to check out. I have my CM website to update. I'm sure I have 5 or 10 emails to respond to. And I for sure have about 7 OPRAH's to watch. I have to get up at 630am. I havent gone grocery shopping in forever so we have no breakfast fixins. This only means I have to give the kids a healthy breakfast. Scrambled eggs it is. How do you type in a deep breath? No idea. I just took one though. Today I was listening to a song by Trace Adkins, "you're gonna miss this". I started thinking. All this stuff I have on my mind which I haven't even begun to realize is stuff that truly doesn't matter. And I think that while I am being held down by all this crap, I am missing the things that I can never get back. I wonder if Erwin thinks that too. I shall ask him. Tomorrow of course. Since he is in dreamland already.

So, it's 12:26am now and I think I am going to check out Facebook for another minute or so and watch another show. It's quiet now and tomorrow when I wake up, Im gonna miss it, maybe ony for a minute or two, but i'll miss it! Till tomorrow at the same time, Ill probably be pondering the same question...What the heck am I doing? lol...Night all!

Growing Growing Growing

Abigail's Mouth Surgery

For some reason I felt this urge to write down this series of events so I could put it into Abby's album some day when I get to 2009! Then after I wanted to share it with my friends because I am so proud to be her mommy! I can't believe it's been so long since I have been on here. Well, who am I kidding? I know it's been forever. Oh well right?

***A few days ago, I took this picture of you. So grown-up. I posted it on the computer and everyone said you looked like a teenager. Today we had to take you to the dr so they could fix your tongue; I was a nervous wreck because I did not want you to be hurting. Dad and Ethan came too. We talked about it and I sugar coated it as much as possible. When people asked you what was going to happen. You would just say “I’m getting my tongue cut!” I would immediately say,” Not your tongue…the thing under your tongue.” From day one it was no big deal to you.

We went into the room and while you listened to my IPOD, your appt was delayed over 40 minutes. I was dying! I started to text our family to keep me busy. You were chillin’ in the dental chair singing your heart away. Once we went into the actual room, you started to get a little bit nervous. You were very hesitant to put the nose mask on that would give you the “laughing gas”, so I put it on first and told you it smelled like strawberries and you were all over it. You followed all the dr’s instructions to the tee! I couldn’t believe it. We really didn’t have to hold you down much. You were so strong, and ok with everything that was going to happen. I am sure the gas helped a little. As I sat there and stroked your legs and rubbed your feet telling you that it was all going to be ok. I was in amazement at how strong you are.

Ya know, all the people including the dr’s since the day you were born said because of this tongue thing, you would have trouble nursing, NOPE, trouble speaking clearly, NOPE and trouble rolling your “r”s, NOPE…I should know by now that nothing is going to hold you down. Towards the end of the procedure, things got a little rough. Daddy and I switched places and when it was all said and done, you held onto Black Cat and Daddy and we headed to Totally Toppings for your frozen yogurt. You weren’t even sad you couldn’t have any toppings. You even told me, “This is my new favorite.” Oh ya, I of course began my bribing attempts for good behavior awhile back. I’ll take you to Target, Toys R Us and get you some Barbies? Some Ponies? And you shot them all down. You wanted your nails painted and your hair cut. Amazing…although I have to say that Papa Mike said he would buy you a prize and you asked for the Barbie Dream House. I guess you know that with mommy and daddy it’s “realistic” and with Papa it’s “anything goes”! We headed home with Mommy feeling queasy and exhausted and you ready to conquer the next mountain! Wow, what an awesome gift it will be to watch you grow! Because today you are only 5 yrs old. I can’t wait to see what’s next! I love you AMAZING Daughter of mine!

Self-Affirmation

I am feeling good therefore I am good! I worked today for me. I worked today for someone else. I was present for my family!

I am feeling good!

Big Thoughts

Something that i ate must have brought on these big thoughts that have been racking my brain tonight. First I decide to get on the web to research a disease one of my dear friends son has...the nick name is Brittle Bone Disease. The real name is Osteogenesis Imperfecta. which I didn't know till tonight. This wonderful 10 yr old boy has had this disorder since birth and has broken every bone I could think of not being medically minded. He is one of my son's bestest friends and has taught my children lessons of strength, compassion, understanding and patience at levels Erwin and I could never have taught them. I sit and listen to his mom explain his situation over and over. Not a flinch, not a blink of eye, her and her husband do it with class and dignity. Again a level of strength and patience I know few people possess. I found one Google description that led me to the Foundation. I haven't even begun to scratch the surface of what I know but I'm excited to learn.

Ok so that was big thought #1. Then Er and I were watching Private Practice tonight and one of the stories was about a family who had their oldest child with Autism. They were under the impression vaccines were the cause. with this in mind they refused to have their other two younger siblings vaccinated. In turn, the middle child contracted Measles and was doing horribly. In TV world on his way to passing. The mom still wouldn't give her youngest child the vaccination. Even after the entire Dr office had to lock their doors and not let anyone in or out due to the seriousness of this disease. Right as the sick child needed to be intibated, the Dr chose to ignore the mother and vaccinate the other child in fear that they too would contract the disease. So, I don't know the statistics....yet. But at this point in time. I know for a FACT that if I had to choose between having a child with Autism vs. watching my child die of a horrible disease and not having them in my arms ever again, 10 times out of 10 I would choose HAVING A CHILD with Autism. Now, having said that, I am lucky enough to have one of my best friends of 25 yrs be a teacher of children with Autism. This is her specialty, this is her life. And for some lame unknown, I'm sure very explainable, reason we have never had the conversation about Autism and vaccines. Plus, a friend who just had a baby was trying to go the healthy route and was researching the no vaccines before she had the baby. I cant wait to talk to her and see what she found out. I can't wait to learn.

What the heck did I eat? Seriously? Taco Salad. Some Reese's peanut butter cups. I'll keep you posted though!

Night All!
p.s. Happy New Year!