Emergency Room

Back in January... I had a crazy day to say the least.  Abby had a soccer game and it has been raining on and off. I’m not sure how “Lucy” is going to do with the loud noises.  She was totally fine with the all day volleyball, in a big ‘ole warehouse with hundreds upon hundreds of girls running around. We thought this day would be ok but were fairly cautious. She slept most of the time. That meant the rain and cold wasn’t bothering her. She was snuggled warm in the carrier under the tarp we set up. The game was nearing the end. Maybe 1 minute left and every parent jumped out of their seats and screamed as a last minute goal was scored! I don’t even think we were done screaming before we heard “Lucy” whaling from her seat. Then, her head shaking began and we were put into worry mode. I just kept thinking to myself – Please stop soon! Please stop soon! This one lasted almost a full minute. It’s ok we got this. Lots of cheek rubbing and forehead stroking and “it’s ok baby”. Then her eyes rolled back in her head for a few seconds and I knew I was headed to the emergency room after the game. She never lost consciousness or stopped breathing so we were so relieved about that. But what the heck was going on.  

I gotta eat lunch and she is doing just fine. I decided to take her in right after I ate.  That sounds easy right? Oh no that is just step 1. It’s Saturday, so I need to call the after hours number at Angel’s to report that I’m taking her in put of the ordinary.  Then, I need to leave a message with the county worker. Then I need to contact the BioMom.  Those don’t always happen in that order. In fact I contact the BioParent usually last because sometimes I just don’t want to hear the questions and then the excuses that come with a conversation like that. And packing up the bag for a possible long ER stay is tedious in itself. I can’t leave once I’m there so I need to make sure I have food for me, bottles for her, clothes, diapers and something else for me to do in case my phone dies or doesn’t work there.

I called BioMom and tell her what happened and not to worry. “Lucy” has been just fine since the incident. I’m taking her in because I want some more answers.  BioMom is crying and after I give her the option of meeting me there or having me keep her updated by phone, the excuses start to flow.  “I have to work” “I have to find a ride” “I have to take the bus and that will take me at least 2 hours to get there” I’m sorry did I not just tell you that your 3 month old daughters eyes rolled back in her head while having what I think is a seizure? (be assured - I said that in much softer terms.) This is exactly why I dislike calling the Bios. No, I hate it! Irritating!

This is where I have to stop telling you the details because of the sensitivity of “Lucy’s” case. I can tell you that they did tests and we were sent home with a referral to a specialist after only 3 hours.

Frustrating to say the least. I really wish they could just tell me. Give me the answers, the fix-all. Good news is she was ok and eating and sleeping the very next day. Well, kind of sleeping. That’s another day on Oprah!

The Visits Begin

PRE-NOTE--> Baby was in my care for a total of 5 days when an event occurred that has limited what I can share about this placement. It became a highly confidential case. --

The first official visit with BioMom at the Angel’s office was an eye opener. This is going to be the first time “Lucy” has seen her mom since she was in the hospital. It’s been a few weeks. I’m a ball of nerves. I can’t imagine what she must be feeling. She has been through a lot in the past few months and most definitely has "some splaining to do"!! 😉

“Lucy” smiled her little smile and kicked those chubby legs for her Mom. She had a wet diaper. I was hoping for a nasty dirty one that I didn’t have to change.  Babies seem to save those for me. Yay me! BioMom was able to give her a bottle and that’s when it started. Her head started to shake, just like she had done a few times before at home with me. She would take a drink for 5 seconds and then let go of the nipple and her head would go back and forth for about 3 seconds. Her entire feeding was like this while her Mom held her.  After that she burped and fell asleep.  Everything is fine right? The visit ended early upon BioMom’s request. She was tired and with the baby asleep she felt no need to be there. She thanked me and left.

I packed us up and headed to the lobby of the Angel’s office to speak to our CEO and out of nowhere “Lucy” started screaming uncontrollably.  She had been sleeping- what is going on? Then it happened again. Her head was shaking and I just knew this was a seizure. What I didn’t realize was it was a direct result of being with BioMom.  The CEO, who is also a foster parent, has seen this before. He agreed.  Being with BioMom took “Lucy” right back to where she used to be and right back to the atmosphere she was removed from. I’ve read it in books. I’ve seen it on TV and I’ve heard the stories. But it’s happening right in front of my face to my sweet baby girl. She is 3 months old and traumatized for all she was put through in the first 2 ½ months of her life.  Wow… So sad. So sad.  There WILL be extra snuggling tonight. 

Cuteness Alert... A lot to say today

So there is this app that my foster momma friends and I use to talk to each other 24/7. No, really… if our phones are not on silent at night, there is a large possibility that a sudden stream of buzzing will wake you up at 3am. Babies gotta eat, some refuse to sleep and a Momma has to vent. Out of 12 of us on this group chat at least 2 of us our awake at any hour. There are mornings we’ll wake up with 30-40 messages. Having these ladies available at all times is not only good to share a good “WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS KID?!” But it is also amazing when you get that call for a squishy and you are slated to go to pick up alone. Usually when one momma is staring at her phone waiting for the buzz of Angel’s, all of us are staring at our phones waiting for the buzz of the app. This baby pick up was going to have to be a  solo pick up. Volleyball trumps Squishy pick up! Luckily, my SuperAmazing Momma K met me at the hospital to bring this little bundle home. I was so freakin’nervous. (It’s already done and over with and my stomach is turning.) I had the diaper bag packed with some 0-3 month pjs, wipes and a swaddle blankie of course. I still have no idea what to expect besides the fact that she has passed all the exams from the Neorologist, Internalist and Opthamologist. 

We weren’t sure Momma K was going to be allowed to be in the room with me to pick her up due to confidentiality but we were for sure going to try. Floor 4 I think. I told the nurse at the station who I was and she directed me to the next station down the hall.  The hospital social worker will meet me there. They told me the room #, my nurse would be in there. I’m not sure I will ever get used to the hospital cribs.  The 3 foot silver bars and a white sheet covered mattress. Nothing else but the hospital room machines to look at. There she was laying on her back, slightly covered by a standard issued scratchy, rough, white blanket with blue and pink stripe down the center. At this point I am not sure what I was going to call her in my blogs and to strangers inquiring about her. But darn she was a cutie!! Dark brown curly hair, pale white skin and a little bit of a smile as I peeked over the rail. I just stood looking and Momma K reminded me I could pick her up. She’s mine now. This cutie is long and light. Here it goes.  The questions start flowing in my brain non-stop… I wonder if her Mom or Dad is the tall one? I wonder what happened to her? Did anything happen to her? She looks completely normal. She is sooo cute! She’s mine? Oh my! She’s mine.

After that 10seconds of holding her, I glanced over at her teensy wrist and all I could think was “Why is my birthdate on her ID bracelet?” Yep, her and I share a birthday. So chilling and so cool!  Momma K and I just giggled. There was a baby carrier sitting on the floor next to the window with a baby bag overflowing with stuff.  Now all the protocol and policy stuff starts to run through my mind. I have to inventory it all and make sure I grab everything in the room that is babies. Why is there a solid glass egg paperweight in the diaper bag? LOL… Momma K and I couldn’t help but laugh. A dirty feeling blanket, an open container of formula, an open bottle of water and so much more was shoved in this bag. Most of it normal and some a bit surprising. All this time the nurse is going through her paperwork and is now ready for me to sign baby girl out. I do. The Dr. comes in and gives me the low down on her condition and what she was kept overnight for. “Nothing I should have to worry about.” I have a few follow-up appts to make on Monday. Then it was done. She was legally mine and she was cleared to leave the hospital. I got the usual “Thank you so much for taking her. You have such a big heart. I don’t know how you do what you do.”  And then before we knew it we were out the doors with an almost 3 month old baby girl. Oh ya, without anyone checking our ID.

Another New Start

Back in November, I took two, almost three weeks and went on vacation all by myself up in Northern California. I ain't got no job! I ain't got no baby! I ain't got &/"# to do! Erwin took on the role of mom and dad while I took care of me. Well, it ended up that my friends and family took care of me. Boy am I thankful they did! 
I got to see my nephews play soccer! Surprising them and my brother & sis-in-law at the games was awesome! No one knew I was coming. I drove by old friends and old boyfriends houses. I spent amazing time with my bestie of 30yrs. She helped bring my laugh back and we got our craft on. I saw my mom and my sister, my niece & nephew. Then I spent an incredible week with my Aunt and Uncle. That is where I got all my sleep, gained some weight from all the delicious meals I was showered with and just felt extremely loved and comforted by two of the most important people in my life!! I almost forgot this was followed up by a whole week away with my husband and kids too. This all was essential for my fresh start with the Foster Mom hat on. Lucky duck I was! 

So they say Friday is the busiest day of new babies going into the Foster system. I guess I can believe in that since my last three placements were picked up on a Friday. And wouldn't ya know the phone rang! About 10am... On a Friday in December. I grabbed my pen and notebook answered Angel's call and I had a decision to make.  A baby girl - 2 months old at Childrens Hospital. A few more specialists need to check her out but she will most likely be released tonight. Oh boy!! I mean Oh girl!!