Ugh!
I totally jinxed myself. Boy do we
have stuff going on now. I’m freaking
out. It’s actually why I didn’t blog for a really longtime. I was emotionally
frustrated and now I’m emotionally overwhelmed. So let’s go back to October.
. . . She is meeting with her Social Worker today and I have no clue what is going to happen but this has to start moving right? BioMom is completely excited. Unsupervised visits will begin! She is over the moon. Why shouldn’t she be, right? Now the big day is going to creep up on me and I will dropping “Little Man” off at her sober-living facility and I will have to leave him there. Drive away and return in 2 hours. I’m gonna be sick!
The day is here. I am to provide nothing for her now. She is to be prepared with anything and everything. Even at the supervised visits. I’m on my way and as I exit the freeway I start to cry! WHUUT?! I haven’t even dropped him off yet. Plus, I have make-up on. I got it under control. Now I just have to hope I don’t have an IBS episode from worrying so freakin’ much! I pulled up at the curb. She walked out and grabbed him from the car. I have made a boundary for myself. I will not enter her home and she will not enter mine. He is happy to see her and she is of course excited and nervous too. I pulled away and felt like my stomach was in my throat. I just have to pray he is there in 2 hours. I have to keep my mind busy instead of thinking how she could possibly take off with him.
I’m going to the brand new library downtown and going to enjoy peace and quiet while I do some digi scrapping! I’m not even going to look at my watch. Of course after I set up my laptop, I look up and out of this big beautiful window in front of me only to find a gigantic clock tower staring right at me. Classic! I turn my headphones on and press play on the ole iPod. Wynona’s “What the World Needs Now is Love”. All about freakin’ patience and understanding. Ya ok… here come the tears. SKIP! About 30 minutes go by and I look up from my laptop out the side window to find the trolley rollin’ by… headed to Tijuana, Mexico of course!! At that moment I knew she was on that trolley. LOL… I swear she was. I still had about an hour and 10 minutes left before I could drive back to the building.
Time’s up! I’m not calling her to let her know I’m on my way, ‘cuz she is there and she will be on time! I pull up at 12:26pm, 4 minutes early and bust out the Candy Crush. It’s 12:30pm. Door to the building is still shut. 12:31pm, nothing. 12:32pm… do I call my Angel’s worker or the County worker first? I can’t believe she ran. I knew she would but I really can’t believe it is happening to me!! 12:33pm… 12:34pm… I go to text her and the door swings open with her and “Little Man” on their way out to my car. The most ridiculous 2 hours and 4 minutes ever!
I pulled away from that building with the whitest knuckles on the steering wheel. I couldn’t get home fast enough to wash him down, change his clothes and do a full body check. I needed to squeeze him and kiss him so bad! And I need nap!
. . . She is meeting with her Social Worker today and I have no clue what is going to happen but this has to start moving right? BioMom is completely excited. Unsupervised visits will begin! She is over the moon. Why shouldn’t she be, right? Now the big day is going to creep up on me and I will dropping “Little Man” off at her sober-living facility and I will have to leave him there. Drive away and return in 2 hours. I’m gonna be sick!
The day is here. I am to provide nothing for her now. She is to be prepared with anything and everything. Even at the supervised visits. I’m on my way and as I exit the freeway I start to cry! WHUUT?! I haven’t even dropped him off yet. Plus, I have make-up on. I got it under control. Now I just have to hope I don’t have an IBS episode from worrying so freakin’ much! I pulled up at the curb. She walked out and grabbed him from the car. I have made a boundary for myself. I will not enter her home and she will not enter mine. He is happy to see her and she is of course excited and nervous too. I pulled away and felt like my stomach was in my throat. I just have to pray he is there in 2 hours. I have to keep my mind busy instead of thinking how she could possibly take off with him.
I’m going to the brand new library downtown and going to enjoy peace and quiet while I do some digi scrapping! I’m not even going to look at my watch. Of course after I set up my laptop, I look up and out of this big beautiful window in front of me only to find a gigantic clock tower staring right at me. Classic! I turn my headphones on and press play on the ole iPod. Wynona’s “What the World Needs Now is Love”. All about freakin’ patience and understanding. Ya ok… here come the tears. SKIP! About 30 minutes go by and I look up from my laptop out the side window to find the trolley rollin’ by… headed to Tijuana, Mexico of course!! At that moment I knew she was on that trolley. LOL… I swear she was. I still had about an hour and 10 minutes left before I could drive back to the building.
Time’s up! I’m not calling her to let her know I’m on my way, ‘cuz she is there and she will be on time! I pull up at 12:26pm, 4 minutes early and bust out the Candy Crush. It’s 12:30pm. Door to the building is still shut. 12:31pm, nothing. 12:32pm… do I call my Angel’s worker or the County worker first? I can’t believe she ran. I knew she would but I really can’t believe it is happening to me!! 12:33pm… 12:34pm… I go to text her and the door swings open with her and “Little Man” on their way out to my car. The most ridiculous 2 hours and 4 minutes ever!
I pulled away from that building with the whitest knuckles on the steering wheel. I couldn’t get home fast enough to wash him down, change his clothes and do a full body check. I needed to squeeze him and kiss him so bad! And I need nap!
