Helloooo?!?!

Ummm…. Hi! I just took your son almost all the way across the United States and you have no clue if we even arrived at our destination!! Maybe you should call me to check!

We went on a long overdue vacation last week and took Little Man with us. We had to ask the judge and get permission from all 3 attorneys before we traveled with him.  All was good and the vacation was amazing except the fact that BioMom didn’t call me till day 7 of a 9 day trip. And that happened because I left a message with the SW on day 6. I’m sure she called BioMom which prompted the call. Whatever. I’ll see BioMom at her next visit and it will be interesting as always I’m sure. I’m just getting a bit nervous as things are going to change soon since we are getting further into the case. Little Man is turning 9 months this week. I’m scared of unsupervised visits. I don’t think she can handle it. I am scared of overnight visits. I’m scared she is going to get him back.  That will be the hardest thing of all for us. If I have to hand him over to her... Just the thought of it. Really I don’t know how we are going to do it. I can’t even see Erwin being there when we do it. We will have to trust the system. Hahaha! Ya right!

;)Amy

Survey says....

He is NOT the Baby-Daddy! I really didn’t think it was going to turn out this way. That only happens in the movies right?! My jaw dropped when the SW told me on the phone. Well, the initial message on my phone said that his visits are suspended till further notice and if he calls me to direct him to her. My heart was literally racing. When she did tell me that it came back negative I felt really bad. This young man, aka drug addict, took 8 months to decide if he was going to step forward and be a Dad. He came to 2 visits and was dedicating his life to being the father! He offered to buy me a new car seat at the last visit. Erwin smugly says, “We should have asked the SW to wait on giving the news till after he bought us a car seat!” (Horrible!) He brought 5 pairs of new shoes for Little Man. He was so proud of them. He told me he had bought him a 1^st birthday outfit with shiny black shoes. What could possibly be going through this guys mind right now? It just sucks for me to think about it. Poor guy.

Poor Baby Mama! Erwin doesn’t seem to think so. I feel bad because I am a Mom. She was 200% sure it was this guy.  She has been saying all along how Little Man “looks just like his Dad”. She compares the clothes he wears sometimes to what his Dad would wear. There is even a lady in the house who knew the “Dad” and she said Little Man looks just like him.  Maybe I’m dreaming and I just watched an episode of Maury Povich.  Aye… I was to see BioMom that same day in a few hours. I let her bring up the subject.  When I walked in the door her face was swollen, almost like she was in a fight. Which could totally have been a possibility. We sat down and she told me she heard from the SW that morning and got the news. Immediately she began to tear up. Against Erwin’s better judgment I sat next to her and hugged her tight.  I honestly cannot imagine what she is feeling.  Just days ago she was very anxious about having to share Little Man with this guy and now he is not even in the picture.  I tried hard to get her to realize that all will be okay. Little did I know, things would be getting even crazier!

Something I stumbled upon...

http://vimeo.com/m/59547024

I hope this video comes through for you. It's called "Palms" by Deep Williams. If not maybe you can search it out and watch. Just stuff that makes you think and then feel good in the end. ;)

"Palms" is the story of a foster child in search of a forever family who is holding his heart in the palm of their hands. Winner of the 2013 International Family Film Festival - short drama category, Palms has been shown to various organizations, churches, and families to bring awareness to the plight of children and their experiences in foster care and adoption. Music selections were generously donated by various musical artists such as Moby, David Helping, John Torres, and Bela Fleck. The story is a personal reflection of the filmmaker and his wife who adopted a little boy through DCFS (Department of Children and Family Services) in Los Angeles, CA . It was through their personal experiences that brought this small film to light. The film stars Nathaniel Potvin from "Twist of Faith", Zondra Wilson, Regina Bryant, Jason Woods, and Steve Ward. Palms was written, produced, and directed by award winning filmmaker Deep Williams.

Im drained!!

It's the 2nd visit I have had with BioDad. Well, as he put it on a voicemail to me, "the alleged father of "Little Man"." lol... It's  horrible for me to laugh but I was listening to a drug addicted transient with a felony bench warrant who after 8 months finally decided to see if he was the father. Not exactly someone I imagined having the best vocabulary. Now, it is awkward. After the first visit with my Angel worker by my side, I was in the visit by myself at the CPS office. I actually think I am taller than him and we keep the room door open so I am not concerned. (As if height will protect me) I can't put my finger on it. But when I left the 2nd time, I just felt emotionally drained. There isn't a lot of conversation. I try to keep busy on the laptop while he is playing with "Little Man". BioDad (alleged) does very well with him. 10x better than BioMom did in the first few visits. I didn't have to teach him how to hold the baby or change his diaper. Bonus! I can only think that it's because it's a dude. I don't have much in common with a dude. Let alone a drug addict dude. At least with BioMom I could relate to the "girl" factor. Or even the "learning how to be a Mom" factor. With BioDad, the only relateable piece is I have a younger brother. Not a drug-addict-Baby-Daddy-felony-bench-warrant-brother. Just a brother.  We have some of Erwin's boy students who we are very close with. But I am telling you it's not the same.  I really feel like I have to work at being comfortable. I don't get it. I am seriously thinking about having Erwin do the visit next week. He hasn't done any visits with BioMom (I don't want him to scare her...lol...why the heck am I protective of her?!) We shall see. Oooo what a blog that would be!!

For now, I'm just super glad it's summer vacation for the kids and for Erwin. He is there when I get home and his arms are open for the hand-off. I give him a diaper, feeding and nap report and then I'm up the stairs to re-charge! Thank GOD!!

:)Amy

p.s. Happy 4th of July!