New Things

When the phone call comes in we don't get a ton of information about the Angel we are about to save. A few basics that will help us make the decision to pick up the baby or not. Our sweet "Little Man" comes with very few medical issues but a long road of family issues we fear. Bio-Mom is in the picture although incarcerated. We don't know of a Bio-Dad yet. Probably because Bio-Mom is not an adult as of yet. She has chosen the hardest life I can imagine if I was a kid. "Little Man" has had no complications and looks absolutely perfect. He has some hair on his little round head. It's a light brown and even though it's not blonde or red and there are no freckles on his tiny cheeks, he could be mistaken as my own.

Picking him up was pretty much what I expected. Paperwork, instructions on caring for a newborn, more paperwork, etc. Until, I'm told that Bio-Mom wants to meet me. Ok I can do this. As long as Kathleen, my Angel's worker is right next to me. We walked into her hospital room and she is hysterically crying and shaking. Crying because a total stranger is taking her baby. Shaking because she has not had a hit in at least 2 days. When I looked past that I saw one of Erwin's students. One of our Volleyball players. This is insane. I introduced myself, first name only. I explained that I had two kids of my own and my husband and I are not interested in having anymore kids but we are going to be taking care of babies that need us. I told her how I will be feeding him, loving him, keeping him warm and most importantly waiting for her to get her things together so I can return him to her.  Kathleen explained how I will be the only family "Little Man" will ever be with till she gets him back. She just nodded her head and started to ask some more legal questions of Kathleen. She was looking for some reassurance that everything will be ok and she will get him back. So sad, since I knew deep down that she might not. When her door closed behind me, I took the biggest breath! Almost as if I had been holding my breath the entire time.

2 days later "Little Man's" social worker calls and informs me that visits aren't the first priority right now. Bio-Mom is now in jail for about 30 days. Awe man! I felt horrible. What more can this girl go through?! 5 days after that, another call comes in... we will now have "Little Man" in our life well into the new year. What is going on? No one knows yet.  But I do know that we have come upon a whole new journey. Lots to learn and lots of love to give.

Bright side - we have received a bee-utiful baby boy as an early Christmas gift. But it really is time to get my training binder out and study up on how things might be going. New things and fun times I hope.

Nite! Nite!
:)Amy

How do I do this??

Who is this sweet sweet "Little Man" I am holding? He is so tiny and such a boy! All these memories of my "Baby Girl" are flooding my mind and I am trying to fight it by staring at "little man".  I don't feel the same way as I did about her. Not to mention how do I take care of a 2 day old? Why isn't he drinking all of his measly 2oz? His diaper isn't wet enough I don't think. Maybe it's because I have size 1 diapers that the hospital gave me. So dumb. He is 6lbs 12oz right now. This thing is huge on him. Oh well, they are free!

I have never taken care of a 2 day old. Both of my kids were in the NICU. Abby till day 9 and Ethan till day 21. They were on schedules already, so was "Baby Girl". "Little Man" doesn't really cry so how do I know what's wrong? I knew if something was wrong with "Baby Girl"! I need Erwin now but he is off supporting us....... All of this was on a loop running through my head over and over again till Erwin got home later that 2nd day and I just bawled! I was scared. I was scared I wouldn't love him like I loved "Baby Girl". I was upset at myself for not knowing exactly what was wrong with him so I could fix it.  I was sooo nervous about the first visit with Bio-Mom. (more on that later) I haven't had to do anything besides love these babies with #1 & #2. Now there is a Mom involved. I thought I was ready. But I'm not. I miss "Baby Girl". I miss the routine and the expected. I miss her smile and her head on my shoulder. I can't stop crying and Erwin is going back to work in 2 days. To this day I sometimes forget how my husband is my other half. He literally balances me out. Like he has always said, we are like a puzzle that just fits! He got down in front of me as I held "Little Man" and said, "You are doing a great job! You are an amazing Mother!  "Little Man" is so lucky to have you. You are doing everything right! And you WILL love him as much as you loved "Baby Girl"." Thank God for him.

Later that night I had to pick the kids up from a party where I would run into a lot of my dear friends doing the same. I took the baby with me. I had lots of questions and lots of opportunities to speak of Angel's and their mission plus how much I love doing what I do. The next morning I was a whole new person. I was back on my feet again, a bit wobbly because "Little Man" is not exactly a good night sleeper, but I was standing ready to do this!

Nite! Nite!
Amy

Now what?

"Baby Girl" has been gone for 7 days now. Today, her Forever Parent #1 is bringing over the car seat they borrowed from us. I'm not sure I am ready to see her again and let her go... again! But I have to.  So, gonna just get it over with. I didn't tell the kids so when they saw who was walking up the drive, they stopped dead in their tracks. I opened the door and they really didn't know what to say. "Baby Girl" looked right at them and smiled her big ole smile! She knew exactly where she was. Oh crap, the tears again! Abby was not going to let me hold her for even a second and grabbed her to love on her a bit. All that was going through my mind was, "This was not a dream. It was all for real." FF1 and I sat  on the floor and talked all about the week they had. They said that when they got in the car with their precious screaming angel, they couldn't help but wonder how I just did what I did. They were worried about me. They started crying because they just took my "Baby Girl" from me and because they couldn't get "Baby Girl" to understand  that they were here to love her even more than we ever could. Amazing family I tell you. They shared all the exciting moments during the last week. Like surprising their friends and family and when their older daughter met her for the first time.  Having him tell me all of this just reinforced the feeling that we were doing all that we should be doing. And it's great!

2 weeks off and I am ready to love again. Kids have been ready since day 2. Hubby is so busy he can't see straight but is following my lead. I called and reactivated our family 3 days early since sometimes calls for newborns come before they are released. Here I am back to drawing board.  Every time the phone rings I grab it and hope it says "ANGELS - Kathleen". No such luck.  The thoughts go through my head that Angel's has lost my number or have decided we weren't the right kind of foster family. Why aren't they calling?? This week is dragging and I am praying every night for a baby to need me. How weird is that? Basically, I am praying for a Mom to lose her child. Gosh, that is horrible.  I would never wish that on anyone.  Prayers are being re-vamped to include the explanation "IF there is a baby in need, we are ready NOW." lol...

Friday is going to be a crazy day for us. Kids have short day at school, bringing them home 2 hours earlier.  Chores, homework, carpool & soccer. The routine. I was getting ready for my nap that morning to prepare for the hours ahead when the phone rang and wouldn't you know it was "ANGELS - Kathleen".  My heart was pounding out of my chest.  But I had to pretend I wasn't sitting on my phone waiting for her.

"A baby boy is going to be discharged today and we wanted to see if you would be interested." My mind was saying, "DUH! When can I pick him up?" My mouth opened up and said, "Sounds perfect. Let me call Er and run it by him." I eventually hung up the phone and just started crying. Well, screaming and crying.

5 hours later I am at the hospital with my kids and an extra kid in soccer attire waiting for the baby and the paperwork. I have 45 minutes to sign my name, put the baby and his belongings in the carrier and get these girls to practice. I did leave the hospital, late, with the kids and our "little man".

We are on our next journey and day one has already proven to be a whole new story to tell. To be continued -- lots of goings with our 2 day old "Little Man". 

Good Nite!
:)Amy