Bits and Pieces

I think I am coming upon a weakness of mine within this Foster Care journey. As every day passes we sit and wait for instructions or information on what will happen next. For me, that works great. My anxiety that I fight in all other aspects of my life is kept at bay with all the last minute updates. (I'm a super-star with last minute anything!) The downside is it's only bits and pieces. We are not privy to any information at all. We don't have any rights to know anything accept the well being of our "little man".  This is killing me! I just want to know how the puzzle fits together is all. Why is Bio-Mom in jail? Why hasn't the Bio-Dad been found? Or maybe he has? Why wasn't "little man" given to his Bio-Grandma? I need to get over it. But it is going to be so hard. It really makes no huge difference to how we love and care for "little man". It will just satisfy my need to have answers.

Speaking of bits and pieces. It seems that is all I am able to give Bio-Mom when she makes her phone calls once a week. Prior to the actual call I am always going over our conversation in my head. I want to make sure I am giving her all the information that I would want to know myself if I were in her shoes. I talked to her once for about 3 minutes last week till my phone cut out. I felt horrible!! The one chance she gets to find out how her baby is and I drive down a road with no coverage! I left messages for his social worker and my social worker asking if she could have another call since it was my fault the call ended early. The second call was longer. All my practice "calls in my head" had no relevance. Bio-Mom asked the questions and I tried to give as much detail as I could. She was very interested in what he looked like. That was about it. It was very weird to have to edit my speech when telling a story. Instead of "Abby", it's "my daughter". Instead of "at the Volleyball game" it's "at the gym".  It all turns out to be bits and pieces of her baby's life. The conversation went well overall. I'm able to email her supervising Parole Officer pictures that she will then print out for her. That makes me feel good. After I hang up, I have to kind of evaluate how I did and how I am feeling. I need to back up and remember who I just spoke with. A drug addict who is incarcerated and had her child taken from her. My heart has been pulled back in and I am back to reality.

Nite Nite!
:)Amy

I'm TIRED!!

I'm tired people...so tired. But asking for help is completely out of the question of course. Why would I make things easier for myself? I'm tired mentally, physically and definitely just headed into the emotionally exhausted mode.

"Little Man" is not the sleeper we always hoped for. I think we have it narrowed down to bad digestive system. He seems to get the worst gas pains in the evening. We have started the Mylecon treatments hoping it's the trick. --- That was 2 weeks ago. No solutions here. Still our little almost 6 week old has stuck to his every 3 hours, 4 oz and well into the night. I get to the frustrated point a few times a week. Mostly the days where I don't get a nap to re-fuel! I just wish he could tell me exactly what he is feeling. Is it his belly? Is it the abdominal hernia? (Nice huh? Dr notes "Don't worry, unless he is in pain." And I am supposed to know that how?) Or maybe he is hungry? In the middle of the check-off list I remember he is only 4 weeks and 5 weeks old. He is still figuring things out. Chill Momma Chill!

During the day he is a sweet sweet boy and everyone around him has begun their deep deep love affair. This translates into very little effort on my part when we are out and about. Moms take a number just to get a few minutes of his chubbiness in their arms. I'm beginning to get the "he's big for his age..."comments. I just respond with, "We like the 2 or 3 chins look!" lol... I'm not sure what a baby looks like without 2 or 3 chins, come to think of it. ;)

Looking forward to the weekends. This is when Erwin is home and able to do the morning feedings and let me sleep in. Sooo good!!

"Little Man" has been to Sea World, high school volleyball playoffs, soccer games and next week we are going to Tea in La Jolla! Unfortunately the day before Tea we are going to Jail. My first visit, my first time in jail for any reason and I have no idea what to say or do. Should be nothing less than interesting!

:)Amy

New Things

When the phone call comes in we don't get a ton of information about the Angel we are about to save. A few basics that will help us make the decision to pick up the baby or not. Our sweet "Little Man" comes with very few medical issues but a long road of family issues we fear. Bio-Mom is in the picture although incarcerated. We don't know of a Bio-Dad yet. Probably because Bio-Mom is not an adult as of yet. She has chosen the hardest life I can imagine if I was a kid. "Little Man" has had no complications and looks absolutely perfect. He has some hair on his little round head. It's a light brown and even though it's not blonde or red and there are no freckles on his tiny cheeks, he could be mistaken as my own.

Picking him up was pretty much what I expected. Paperwork, instructions on caring for a newborn, more paperwork, etc. Until, I'm told that Bio-Mom wants to meet me. Ok I can do this. As long as Kathleen, my Angel's worker is right next to me. We walked into her hospital room and she is hysterically crying and shaking. Crying because a total stranger is taking her baby. Shaking because she has not had a hit in at least 2 days. When I looked past that I saw one of Erwin's students. One of our Volleyball players. This is insane. I introduced myself, first name only. I explained that I had two kids of my own and my husband and I are not interested in having anymore kids but we are going to be taking care of babies that need us. I told her how I will be feeding him, loving him, keeping him warm and most importantly waiting for her to get her things together so I can return him to her.  Kathleen explained how I will be the only family "Little Man" will ever be with till she gets him back. She just nodded her head and started to ask some more legal questions of Kathleen. She was looking for some reassurance that everything will be ok and she will get him back. So sad, since I knew deep down that she might not. When her door closed behind me, I took the biggest breath! Almost as if I had been holding my breath the entire time.

2 days later "Little Man's" social worker calls and informs me that visits aren't the first priority right now. Bio-Mom is now in jail for about 30 days. Awe man! I felt horrible. What more can this girl go through?! 5 days after that, another call comes in... we will now have "Little Man" in our life well into the new year. What is going on? No one knows yet.  But I do know that we have come upon a whole new journey. Lots to learn and lots of love to give.

Bright side - we have received a bee-utiful baby boy as an early Christmas gift. But it really is time to get my training binder out and study up on how things might be going. New things and fun times I hope.

Nite! Nite!
:)Amy

How do I do this??

Who is this sweet sweet "Little Man" I am holding? He is so tiny and such a boy! All these memories of my "Baby Girl" are flooding my mind and I am trying to fight it by staring at "little man".  I don't feel the same way as I did about her. Not to mention how do I take care of a 2 day old? Why isn't he drinking all of his measly 2oz? His diaper isn't wet enough I don't think. Maybe it's because I have size 1 diapers that the hospital gave me. So dumb. He is 6lbs 12oz right now. This thing is huge on him. Oh well, they are free!

I have never taken care of a 2 day old. Both of my kids were in the NICU. Abby till day 9 and Ethan till day 21. They were on schedules already, so was "Baby Girl". "Little Man" doesn't really cry so how do I know what's wrong? I knew if something was wrong with "Baby Girl"! I need Erwin now but he is off supporting us....... All of this was on a loop running through my head over and over again till Erwin got home later that 2nd day and I just bawled! I was scared. I was scared I wouldn't love him like I loved "Baby Girl". I was upset at myself for not knowing exactly what was wrong with him so I could fix it.  I was sooo nervous about the first visit with Bio-Mom. (more on that later) I haven't had to do anything besides love these babies with #1 & #2. Now there is a Mom involved. I thought I was ready. But I'm not. I miss "Baby Girl". I miss the routine and the expected. I miss her smile and her head on my shoulder. I can't stop crying and Erwin is going back to work in 2 days. To this day I sometimes forget how my husband is my other half. He literally balances me out. Like he has always said, we are like a puzzle that just fits! He got down in front of me as I held "Little Man" and said, "You are doing a great job! You are an amazing Mother!  "Little Man" is so lucky to have you. You are doing everything right! And you WILL love him as much as you loved "Baby Girl"." Thank God for him.

Later that night I had to pick the kids up from a party where I would run into a lot of my dear friends doing the same. I took the baby with me. I had lots of questions and lots of opportunities to speak of Angel's and their mission plus how much I love doing what I do. The next morning I was a whole new person. I was back on my feet again, a bit wobbly because "Little Man" is not exactly a good night sleeper, but I was standing ready to do this!

Nite! Nite!
Amy

Now what?

"Baby Girl" has been gone for 7 days now. Today, her Forever Parent #1 is bringing over the car seat they borrowed from us. I'm not sure I am ready to see her again and let her go... again! But I have to.  So, gonna just get it over with. I didn't tell the kids so when they saw who was walking up the drive, they stopped dead in their tracks. I opened the door and they really didn't know what to say. "Baby Girl" looked right at them and smiled her big ole smile! She knew exactly where she was. Oh crap, the tears again! Abby was not going to let me hold her for even a second and grabbed her to love on her a bit. All that was going through my mind was, "This was not a dream. It was all for real." FF1 and I sat  on the floor and talked all about the week they had. They said that when they got in the car with their precious screaming angel, they couldn't help but wonder how I just did what I did. They were worried about me. They started crying because they just took my "Baby Girl" from me and because they couldn't get "Baby Girl" to understand  that they were here to love her even more than we ever could. Amazing family I tell you. They shared all the exciting moments during the last week. Like surprising their friends and family and when their older daughter met her for the first time.  Having him tell me all of this just reinforced the feeling that we were doing all that we should be doing. And it's great!

2 weeks off and I am ready to love again. Kids have been ready since day 2. Hubby is so busy he can't see straight but is following my lead. I called and reactivated our family 3 days early since sometimes calls for newborns come before they are released. Here I am back to drawing board.  Every time the phone rings I grab it and hope it says "ANGELS - Kathleen". No such luck.  The thoughts go through my head that Angel's has lost my number or have decided we weren't the right kind of foster family. Why aren't they calling?? This week is dragging and I am praying every night for a baby to need me. How weird is that? Basically, I am praying for a Mom to lose her child. Gosh, that is horrible.  I would never wish that on anyone.  Prayers are being re-vamped to include the explanation "IF there is a baby in need, we are ready NOW." lol...

Friday is going to be a crazy day for us. Kids have short day at school, bringing them home 2 hours earlier.  Chores, homework, carpool & soccer. The routine. I was getting ready for my nap that morning to prepare for the hours ahead when the phone rang and wouldn't you know it was "ANGELS - Kathleen".  My heart was pounding out of my chest.  But I had to pretend I wasn't sitting on my phone waiting for her.

"A baby boy is going to be discharged today and we wanted to see if you would be interested." My mind was saying, "DUH! When can I pick him up?" My mouth opened up and said, "Sounds perfect. Let me call Er and run it by him." I eventually hung up the phone and just started crying. Well, screaming and crying.

5 hours later I am at the hospital with my kids and an extra kid in soccer attire waiting for the baby and the paperwork. I have 45 minutes to sign my name, put the baby and his belongings in the carrier and get these girls to practice. I did leave the hospital, late, with the kids and our "little man".

We are on our next journey and day one has already proven to be a whole new story to tell. To be continued -- lots of goings with our 2 day old "Little Man". 

Good Nite!
:)Amy

I'm missing something...

It's been a few days. She is still on my mind. I have a feeling she will be for far longer than I expected. There was something miraculous about this little one. She has touched the four of us like nothing or no one has ever done. With that said, every time I leave the house I stop what feels like a million times before I get in the car because I know I have forgotten something. There is always something missing. Only for a few seconds of course. Yesterday was the kids 1st day back to school from a fall break and Ethan opened the truck door in the morning. I locked our front door, turned around and he was just standing there looking in the truck. Automatic morning response from me, "Ethan what are you doing? GET in the car!!" He whispered back, "I can't Mom...."Baby Girl's" seat is gone." Ugh... Thank God that these kids will have school, friends and awesome teachers to focus on all day. It will help distract them from the thoughts of what we are missing.

The bottles are sitting in the blue bowl in the sink. Erwin would grab that bowl each night to wash and sterilize the bottles and paci's for the following day. Made things a lot easier for me to wake-up and grab one from the fridge while the kids were getting ready for school. For now, the bottles sit because Erwin can't get himself to wash them knowing they will be put away for awhile. There is a load of dirty baby clothes in the hamper and a clean load in the dryer. I can't get myself to do the laundry yet.

She is doing great! I actually get a few texts each day from "Baby Girl's" Forever Family, letting me know that she is adjusting perfectly. Still sleeping through the night and eating just fine. They have let me know again that I am welcome to call or text whenever I want. I am even welcome to visit too. This has got to be a dream! An amazing dream!

Naps are probably going to be the most restful piece of my days for awhile. Everywhere I go I have to explain where she is. I answer the new questions like, "Will you ever see her again?" "How could you do that?" "When will you get your next baby?" "Now what?"  Now, don't get me wrong. I feel so very fortunate to help educate so many people on how Angel's Foster Network works. I just need a little time to process what it is that Er, the kids and I just did. The kids however, are ready for a new Angel Baby to love and cherish!  Er and I are going to give it a couple of weeks so we can love and cherish our own grown babies. So, onto soccer practice, homework, volleyball games and a little TLC for Ethan and Abby and Ruby (our puppy-dog) too.

Good Nite!
:)Amy

GoodBye Sweet Sweet Girl

The doorbell rang and it was them. They were all aglow with love and excitement with a little bit of apprehension. I went over all the goodies I had packed up for her and the paperwork I handed over too. I still now feel like there is something I missed. That seems to be my only hang-up. Did I tell them that sometimes she likes the pacifier when she is super tired and can't eat yet? Did I tell them she likes to be bounced a little to help her sleep? I hope I said that she drinks the formula super fast sometimes and other times slow as molasses. Erwin reassures me I did.

I got to talk to FF2 (forever parent 2) for awhile too while Erwin did his protective Dad checklist with FF1 (forever parent 1). We have lots in common and they were really easy to talk to. One is quiet and one is super excited and I think it may be the fact that they have come so close to getting other babies for it to all change at the last second. I'm glad we've been able to be a part of this super day with them!

It's time and Erwin kisses her a few more times as she wakes up and hands her to FF1. They gently put her in the carrier and the crying begins. Not us yet. This was "Baby Girl" in all her might protesting this new move. She was not a happy camper. And there was nothing Er or I could do. She was scared. I think a little bit was exhaustion and that it was almost time for food. What I knew for a fact was her eyes were fixated on Erwin and I trying to get it through our heads that she wanted out! I gave her the favorite blankie and had Ethan sit next to her why we said goodbye to her new parents. FF1 gave me the biggest hug and I will never forget what they said,"Thank you so much Amy. And anytime you want to see her or hear her, just call! Really, I mean it. Just call!" That was it! My waterworks began.

They walked out, I shut the doors and fell into Erwin's arms. How could something so wonderful hurt so bad? I know it was the right thing. I know this family is her Forever Family. There were absolutely no doubts that this was God's plan for our little Angel. I couldn't stop the tears tho. Erwin just held me tightly. I think I cried even more because the person rubbing my back telling me what a great mom I had been to her and how I gave her everything I could, was Abby. I think Er and I prepared  the kids better than we prepared ourselves.

Saturday night was quiet. The kids didn't go back to school till Tuesday, so we had a few days to let this all settle. On Sunday it was just the 4 of us. Erwin shared with me later that week that he was going to play the lottery Saturday and if he won, we were going to adopt her. I guess he shared it with the kids but not me. Smart move. ;) We will now take each day as it comes; thinking of her as much as we can, I don't want to forget her. Somehow I don't think my heart will let me.

Here we go

Today I dressed her up as cute as I could. The bright yellow outfit with a white tutu and a little bumblebee on it saying "Bee Happy". Going to be hard today. Ethan has his game at 11ish and Abby has games pretty much all day. "Baby Girl" will get to say goodbye to all her Soccer Star friends. And more importantly, the Soccer Star Mommas will get a chance to hug her and squeeze her one more time.

The games were over and now it's time to drive home, finish packing her things and hand her over to her new family! I can't believe this is actually happening. I can't eat but the rest of the family is while I run around the house with just a few minutes to spare. I took a moment to jot down those special things about "Baby Girl" that only I know. She doesn't like to be held like a baby unless she is sleeping. She is a great burper but sometimes her burping parts need a little help. She is not that fond of the bath yet. She can put herself to sleep for her 1st nap of the day. And on and on and on...

She was getting tired and I was glad. I was hoping she would be asleep when she left. It was the perfect time for the four of us to say our farewells before her FF arrived. Abby carried her around a little bit telling her how much she loved her and that she was going to miss her! Time for Ethan to hold her. He doesn't hold her often. Still an awkward boy when it comes to that. He did all his special time when "Baby Girl" was on the floor or in the carrier. Tonight was different and as he grabbed her she ended up in his arms being held like a baby. She hates that. Big complaints usually come from her tiny mouth but this time it wasn't the case. She looked up at Ethan and just started talking to him. She took a break and layed her head on his arm. A few seconds went by and she turned back to him and talked to him again. I was dying inside. She was treasuring this time with her big brother. Erwin held her a bit longer and said his goodbyes as she drifted off to dreamland.

Friday we meet

It's set and I called the shots somewhat. The "telling", a reading of "Baby Girl's" life and story, by the County worker to the perspective Forever Family (FF) will happen on Wednesday the 3rd. The family will need to accept her within 24 hours. When they do, either they or Ernie will call us and set up a visitation with us to meet her and then they will be ready to do the transfer most likely on October 6th.

The phone rang and a hispanic name appeared on our caller ID. At this point that's all I know of them. I freaked out and Er answered the phone. Dumb sales people! lol... The real phone call came Thursday morning around 11am. It was parent #1 of her Forever Family (FF1) and they were so nice on the phone. They were dying to call me but didn't want to call me too early. We set it up a visit for Friday evening after soccer practice. The final pick-up will be Saturday evening after soccer games and dinner. There it was all planned out. The Good-Bye Day is here and I'm not sure I'm ready.

Let me back track -- "Now - there is one more thing I need to discuss with you." -- Ernie starts to say things like, he knows how special my family is, and that we have been talking about the whole process with my kids for the duration of our placement. He feels that all will be ok. He "...is not going to be there with us when they pick her up." Umm...Ok. Thank you? Was it a compliment or a glitch in the system we were learning so much about. I was on the phone and not sure what else to say other than sure we will be fine! It is was it is and I hope and pray Erwin and I will be able to handle this.

I'm home 2 hours later and Erwin isn't ok with this meeting process.  So, I handed the reigns to him and he made the calls. He had a valid reason. We are supposed to hand over our baby to a stranger who we have only spoken to on the phone? No paperwork, no ID check. Needless to say, Ernie arrived to introduce the family to us and we threw that worry out the window. Thank you O-so-strong-husband of mine!

FF1 was amazing on the phone and had given me the choice of when to have the visit as well as the Good-Bye Day. They are just sooo excited this is really happening having waited 9 years to adopt. Erwin and I don't know how they will leave this precious baby after seeing her for even one minute. We were right on. After FF1 and FF2 walked in the door Friday night and immediately got on the ground with her, they asked if they could spend the night on the living room floor. They don't know how they will leave. This immediately gave me peace. It was as if we had known them for years. 

Er and I are okay, "Baby Girl" - not so much. She knew there was something else going on with these people. She was constantly complaining looking for Er or I. FF1 didn't hesitate to pick her up and attempt to comfort her. Some moments she was at peace and others she was whiny. So hard not to grab her from their hands and put her to sleep in 2 minutes. The hour they were here seemed to fly by. Lots was talked about. Baby stuff, Mommy/Baby Stuff and life stuff. They have been together for over 20 years and I think are close to our age. Another relief moment for me. They told us how they would love to keep the lines of communication open and we are welcome to be a part of "Baby Girl's" life. That is when I cried for the 2nd time in 10 days. They were genuine and I felt it.

At dinner right after, I sat in the booth with "Baby Girl" in her carrier. She never took her eyes off of me. Oh, sweet heartbreak. I put her to sleep that night for the last time and sat with Erwin in bed. He asked me if I was ok and I told him I just didn't know what I should be doing. Do I pack now? Do I type up her routine and all the little things we know that only her parents would know? Should I be balling my eyes out right now? Or should I just be getting ready for bed and ready for the big soccer day tomorrow? Sleep it is...

Good Nite!
:)Amy

The Other Phone Call

Two phone calls  seem to be the only ones of any importance to me these days. The first one where we find out a special little Angel needs our family. The second one being the one I just got on the 25th. "Can I drop by in about 40 minutes?" Ernie called and said he had an update and wants to talk to me while he was in the area. I have been waiting to hear from him for 2 and a half weeks to get the update on the "Family" or the "Bio-Family" that appeared on the radar.

Long story short (not really but...) the bio-family member never appeared again and they are moving forward with the family they found and hear we go! Because "Baby Girl" is a baby we will move though the transition a bit quicker since she will be able to adjust much faster and not have anyway of really disapproving of her new family. One of her parents is already requesting Family/Medical Leave to stay home with her for a few months. "We think they can pick her up on October 8th." EX-SQUEEZE ME??? (Not in quotes cuz I didn't say it out loud.) It was next week and I was in complete disbelief. The kids and Er & I had just been telling everyone we are looking forward to dressing her up for Halloween and will definitely ask for that to happen before she is transitioned. Now I can't ask them to wait 3 weeks so we can play dress-up. Even typing this I am in shock that this felt like a tornado going through. Thinking about it I figured out that the 8th is a Monday. There is no way I could sit around during the weekend and wait for Monday to come so I could pick up this beautiful baby I have been dreaming about. It's gotta happen on Friday or Saturday for sure. That makes it even sooner!!

Hearing Ernie talk about "Baby Girl's" forever family, I am already feeling comfortable about who they are. I know they are in So.Cal but still not sure where. They have an older daughter from a previous marriage not in the home with them all the time. From talking to them, Ernie had a good feeling that they would want to keep the communication open as she grew up. This was a big piece for us. We wanted to see what this little miracle becomes. She is meant to do something big - we are sure of it! Well, this is awesome. Except that we now have 10 days to love her and hold her and squeeze her and call her mine. Crappy!

With a slight tilt of his head and a deep sigh, Ernie says, "Now - there is one more thing I need to discuss with you." I started to freak out not understanding what it could possibly be. We seriously had all the important deal-breakers already happen...
(to be continued)

Good Nite!
:)Amy

I Cried

It was right after my WIC appointment for the month of September and I was walking the baby aisles of a local grocery store looking for some chewy toys for "Baby Girl". The drool is on full force now and she loves to suck on her blankets. I'll try the fridge ones. The phone rings and it's Ernie, the county worker. I haven't heard from him in a few weeks and am so anxious to hear what he is going to say. He says he has some updates for me. They have found a family. "Oh wow! Ok." They seem very nice and he is optimistic this will be a great transition. "Ok." is really all I can muster out at this point. Then, he says before he moves forward with this family we have a little speed bump in the road. They received a phone call from bio-mom's bio-sister. Huh? You heard from who? I thought she was adopted and had been in the system her whole life. Plus, we were told there was only one family member who was an adopted sister. Seems like this woman has shown up from no where. After years of dealing with this bio-mom, Ernie never knew about any blood relatives. Till now. They live in another state pretty far away but are super excited and everything seems to be rolling. She has to speak to her spouse and then get back to Ernie before we do anything else. He has been leaving messages but has not heard back. He will give them a few more days and then move onto the family he found. "Ok."

I got off the phone kind of excited, telling "Baby Girl" that she has an Aunt and may be able to meet her. Someone who might look like her and know stuff about her mother's past. This was a positive step in my book. It wasn't till later when I was holding her as she napped when I started to cry for the first time. Staring at her thinking about how far away she will be from me. I will be sending her to complete strangers that I cannot just drive over and check-in. Even if they did want an open relationship with us. It all turned not so positive. How the heck am I gonna do this? The next few weeks were spent looking at the phone and wondering why Ernie wasn't calling.

While we waited we watched "Baby Girl" grow and start to have her favorite toys.  She would smile when the dog would sit near her or run by.  She also got more and more attached to me. Erwin would come home and give me a break but she wouldn't want anything to do with him for long. The spoiling has backfired on me. I really thought the new parents would have to break her of wanting to be held by me all the time. oops. We still have her. Oh well, I will survive holding this 12lbs of pure love!  I will survive!
:)Amy

Questions Questions Questions

"How long have you had her?"
This answer is getting harder to give only because "Baby Girl" is our daughter. No one ever asks you that when you are carrying around your biological child. They ask how old and immediately begin "awe"ing away.

She turns 3months old this week. Time is on overdrive here on Applegate Street. We have the first quarter of school half way done. Er's Volleyball team starts their official season today. Last week was my first week of my "Coach's Wife" season that lasts through June of next year! I always say being a coaches wife is like being a Navy wife except he comes home every night. Kids are adjusting to him not being around as much. I on the other hand pray for a return home to be a few minutes early every night to give my mommy mind a rest for an hour or so. Whether he is home earlier or later than expected, usually later, he is so good at taking the reigns or as we all know them as the kids and doing anything I need him to. Thank God for Er!

"When will she leave?"
Common question these days since school is back in and I have been out and about more. I don't know is the only answer I can give right off the bat. That almost always draws out the,"I could never do that!" We think now that is will be about 6 weeks or so. She now has an Adoption Social Worker we will call Ernie. He is really good. I feel confident and comfortable that he will find the perfect forever family for her. Now, if he would only call us and give us an update.

"Can you adopt her?"
We can but we won't be. We are just transitional foster parents and will be loving as many babies as we can. This response brings a look of confusion and ....

"How are you going to let her go? Aren't you attached to her?"
We will just let her go. She is not ours. We are not meant to raise any more kids. We are meant to love these babies till they are reunited with their birth families or given to their forever families. It's going to be horribly hard but that just means we did our job! We ARE ATTACHED most definitely! We love this little one. She will be making another family so very very happy.

I have talked about Angels FFN to so many people. Hoping they would decide they too would be able to open up their lives to a little one in need of a loving home. Finding out that one local hospital sends at least one newborn baby to the County every week, kills me inside and makes me realize what good our little family is going to be able to do in the years to come. For now, we are changing one little kiddos life. And there is no question that is what God has meant for us to do.

Off to get my other two kids!
:)Amy

                                                         Can anyone resist a ruffle butt?

8 weeks and counting

"It should be a short term placement since her bio parents want nothing to do with her." After hearing that we prepared for such a situation with a few unexpected twists of course. Then, in between the feedings and diaper changes and quiet moments of watching her sleep, we dreaded the phone ringing. Anyday we would be getting the call that County would be picking her up to take her to her Forever Family.

It's been 8 weeks and 2 days since we picked up "Baby Girl" from the hospital.  She has changed so much since we brought her home. She has chunky baby rolls where she used to have old person skin wrinkles. Just last week I got her to smile while she was awake. What a moment for me!! She has already proven to know my voice. She calms down when I pick her up and wakes up from tiny naps if I start talking loudly. But I had yet to get her to respond to my attempts at making her smile. Erwin has claimed many giggle fits and smiles while she has been in and out of dreamland. I was jealous. My turn -- after her 2 month old check-up I fed her a bottle in the waiting room. Ethan was with me watching a movie.  After a few minutes I put her in her carrier and she spit up immediately. I grabbed a rag and dabbed her mouth saying,"gross gross gross!" There it was! A little twinge of her lips. She was looking straight into my eyes. So, I did it again and BAM! Cheeks galore and her eyes lit up! I hurried Ethan over so he could be my witness -- She did it again and we both giggled!! It's so sweet. So sweet! Daddy has been trying to find his little way of making her laugh this week. Nothing yet, but we all know how determined he gets. I suspect this week he will prevail!

We all can't believe we have had the blessing of "Baby Girl" in our lives for 8 weeks. I think we were all ready for the here and gone part. We haven't heard from the County in 3+ weeks. No concerns on their part I presume. I just keep thanking God that she is in my home and not in a County Foster Home that has 4 other children vying for love and attention.  This little one has all the love and attention of the 4 Macalaguims in this home. And in addition to that abundance of love, every one she comes in contact with, her Volleyball big sisters, her neighbors, her grandparents, her big sister and brothers friends, etc. have showered her with love and hugs and kisses! This little village is going to have a hard time saying goodbye one day.

Nite Nite! - Amy

"Baby Girl" is 2 months old!!

 "Shots Suck!"

Time Flies

I wouldn't exactly say we've been having fun, but time sure does fly. It's been 10 days since my last post. Technically, as Ethan puts it, it's been 11 days. There have been busy days with errands and pool visits and sleepovers and movies. And there have been kick back days in our pajamas the entire day! Yep, I said it. ALL DAY!  Those days were usually prefaced by a long night with Baby Girl. I thank God every morning when Erwin gets back from workouts. He takes over and I get an uninterrupted nap. He is amazing!!

Nothing new in Foster Land. We are talking a lot more about our Good-Bye Day. Oh, I like that. I think that is what I am going to call it now. Anyway, we are talking a lot to the kids about having to say good-bye to Baby Girl.  The second we bring it up, their smiles fade and their heads drop. They are going to miss her terribly. We are going to miss her terribly. Erwin and I are trying to make a plan of what to do as a family after the day has come and gone. Nothing huge. Spend some solid one-on-one time, quality family time. No phones, computers, etc. This is one thing I hope to get some advice on from seasoned Foster parents. There is a family who has been doing the same thing Er and I are planning on doing for awhile with Angel's. I can't wait to sit down and chat with them. I think the only one who can tell me how it feels on the Good-Bye Day will be someone who has actually gone through it. We shall see.

Kids are more interested on how many vacation days they have left before school starts. From today it is just a week and a half. A 6th grader and a 3rd grader. Wow! Weird. And as every year approaches I make the same goal of walking the kids to school. This year the goal is set. Initially I will just be taking Baby Girl in the stroller. We'll add Ruby the following week maybe. This year is going to be a little different not only because of our sweetie but because it will be a must to save money by not driving. All the teachers in Erwin's district will be getting a HUGE pay cut. HUGE! So, we need to keep every penny we can to continue our life here. Wish me luck! The weather has been awesome in the mornings so as long as that holds steady, I've got this man! And as long as Baby Girl continues her morning feeding at 6ish, we are set. Oh Boy! That will be SO GOOD!!

Off to bed! Baby Girl is growing and holding her is no longer like holding a feather. ;) The arms are getting tired and the typing with one hand is done too.

Nite! - Amy

                         My absolutely Bee-utiful girls are in this pic. Just Bee-utiful!

Maybe a while longer...

Today was a busy day that ended with the most nerve-racking moment in our Fostering Journey! Holy Moly!! This afternoon Erwin, Abby, Baby Girl & I met Baby Girl's biological brother. I should say one of her many siblings. The county contacted the ones that had been adopted and Big Bro's family responded with interest in meeting her and possibly moving forward with adoption. We met at Angel's offices where I felt most comfortable even though we both live in Chula Vista.

I had spoken briefly with Big Bro's older sister to set up the meeting. Mama doesn't speak English, so this was easiest.  I did have Ethan leave a message in Spanish when playing phone tag. Pretty Cool huh? Anyway, older sister's name is Abigail. I couldn't believe it when she left the initial message. I looked at it as a good sign. Super sweet girl.

I didn't know what to expect. My biggest fear was they were going to want her right away and we would be left with a few days time for packing and saying goodbye. I was sweating like a pig and my heart was racing when they walked in. Big Bro is barely 2yrs old and he was escorted by Mama, Papa, Big Sister and Bigger Sister Abigail. He looked exactly like his little Baby Girl sister. It was crazy. And for a 2yr old who just walked into a room of strangers and toys, he was so focused on Baby Girl. He was gentle and loving and so sweet.

Big Bro's Mama and I compared little pieces of information, like sleeping habits and personalities, dimples and hair styles. We also figured out, and are 90% sure, the kiddos have the same Bio-Papa and Bio-Mama. Pretty excited for the kiddos if this is for real.

All ended sweetly. Big Bro's Mama shed a few tears when Big Bro caressed Baby Girl. He held her and hugged her ever so gently. I think he knew in his soul this was his sister, whether his mind understood it yet. For now, Mama relayed, they are not interested in adoption. They would just like to make sure that Big Bro and Baby Girl have a relationship. I think this will be a great thing for all and I will do my part happily.

We may have our sweet Baby Girl for a while longer. Feels good that this road is still filled with much more promise than bumpity bumps. ;)

Nite Nite!
:)Amy

p.s. Happy 4th of July! Be safe!!

6 HOURS!!

Oh yes! All caps baby!! 6 HOURS!!! Baby Girl gave us 6 hours of FABULOUS sleep! I had to take a double look at the clock when I woke up this morning. I couldn't believe she hadn't woken up and the light was already shining in the window. I even checked the cooler to see if there were 2 bottles in there. Maybe Er was SuperDad and changed her and fed her without me knowing. Nope. Baby Girl slept! So cool! Crossing fingers for tomorrow night.

Er and I are headed out tonight. We were invited to one of Er's first Eastlake students weddings. This one is a great story that I can't wait to hear more of. Boy and Girl go to same highschool and end up having same Math teacher, different classes. Boy is your less than average student and Girl is your above average student. Both run in completely opposite crowds. Cut to a few years after graduation, Boy meets up with Girl and the rest is history. They will marry and have changed each others lives, continuing to be complete opposites. Funny thing is they didn't realize till making the guest list that Mr. Mac was both of their favorite teacher. Both held a special place for him their lives for making a huge difference in how they viewed their future. Now Er and I get to share this awesome day. It will be hard leaving Baby Girl, but she is left in capable hands with a more recent former student. One of our "daughters" that we have watched grow into this amazing young lady! She is truly the only one we are having fingerprinted to assist us in this amazing Fostering experience. She has been just as excited as we have about having these Angel Babies as part of the family. 

Time for a nap and then errands with Abby.
:)Amy

1 month old

I can't believe we have been a family of 5 for 3 weeks already. It sounds so little but it feels like it's been forever. Maybe that is the lack of sleep. lol... Baby Girl is doing great! Dr.'s have given her a clean bill of health for now. Waiting for some test results as usual. Many nurses were in and out of the room ooo'ing and ahh'ing at this little miracle baby. The people at this office were just unbelievably nice and super sweet! The Dr's were crazy attentive and answered every question with ease and confidence. I wish I could do the same. Dr. M asked my full name and I smoothly said, "Amy Rochel Bernwanger." WAAIIITTT!! lol... "No, No... my name is Amy Macalaguim! My Dad is in the waiting room and his name is Bernwanger. Gosh, I've been married for 13 years! I can't believe I did that!" I actually can since the night before my sleep was but a few hours. It was pretty funny!

Baby Girl is officially 1 month old! Er and I decided since we never really know when she will be leaving us, we will make sure we celebrate her monthly birthdays. The kids were excited too! They made sure to clarify a few times that day..." Baby Girl can't eat ANY cake right?!"

Baby Girl is 6lbs 15oz. Abby and Ethan are still the best big sister and big brother EVER! Ethan was awesome this afternoon. I needed to change my clothes and Dad and Abby ran some errands. He didn't hesitate to hang out with Baby Girl for a few minutes. He is pretty funny too. I know any day he will make this little angel laugh!

Baby Girl, Abby, Amy, Ethan, Erwin & Ruby too are all doing good heading into our 4th week of Summer Break! I need a little more sleep tho. Maybe a good nap is headed my way tomorrow. Fingers and Toes crossed!!
:)Amy

Back at the Farm...

We are ending our 2nd week of summer break. Still 5 weeks left, which is good. We got out to the Chula Vista Nature Center this week. Erwin and my first time. The kids have done summer camps here and gone on multiple field trips. It was a great couple of hours. They had an amazing display of trash found in the waters off our coast. It's CRAZY!! I just thought for how long people have been aware of the littering in the waters and the effects it has on our eco-system that there would be some dent in the waste found out there. I was dead wrong. One of the facts we read was "1 out of 6" plastic water bottles are recycled. REALLY? People come on! There are recycling containers everywhere. There are more of those receptacles than there are mailboxes! The center had some sculptures built out of the trash found. It's super cool and super sad. People need to wake the heck up and pick up after themselves!!

We all got there just in time to see the sharks fed and the Bald Eagle, Franklin, be fed too. I had to turn away since Franklin's lunch of choice happen to be baby chicks. Yep... yellow fluffy ones. BLAH! It was pretty cool to see an eagle that close.

 Next week we hope to be able to do something else out of the house. lol... We do have a few appointments with Angela. Attorneys and Doctors. New experiences for her and I. Ones that will get us a few more steps closer to her permanent home. This little Angel is going to make a family so so happy.
Night Night!  :)Amy

Teeny Tiny...

Baby Girl's Feetsy and Daddy's Hand.

Her entire foot is no bigger than Er's thumb. :)

Baby Girl in her first dress, chillin' in her Boppy.

Going Back a Few Months

For seven years I have been asking for another baby. I wanted to be a Mom again and wanted to watch Erwin be a new daddy again. When the subject came up, Abby would get so excited about the possibility of becoming a big sister. The feeling I had was strong. It was a feeling I couldn't explain. I just knew I wasn't done being a Mom. I mean, when I think about it, 4 months ago everyone thought I was a nut! My kids could fix themselves breakfast while I slept a little later. Both were in school all day giving me my time to work and set my own schedule. Topping those two reasons was the fact that both of my babies were born and sent to the NICU. I had never left the hospital with a newborn baby. Why would I want to do that again? I had no idea why but it was a sure thing for me. I wanted to have another baby. Only one thing in my way. My lovely husband did not want another baby. There was no convincing or compromising. A big block in our marriage would be an under statement. As much as I knew I wanted a baby, he knew he did not.

The final conversation came in February and I backed down. My marriage is and always has been the most important thing to me. Again, another horribly hard moment since my feelings were just as strong then as they ever were. With the help of a few friends, I began the tough job of learning to let go.

Maybe a week or 2 later I read a post on a Mommy FB page. It was in regards to a company called Angel's Foster Family Network. It said they were in need of Southbay families to become Foster parents.

...Baby Alarm...
To be cont...
:)Amy

Hurry

I have to hurry cuz she is squirming and I remembered I should do this. Baby Girl is doing awesome. Her poop isn't green anymore but we had to use the booger getter today. Ya, she wasn't happy! I realized the "I told you" 's started really early. After I completed the booger-getting, and she was breathing through her nose without any bubbles or mucus in the way, I promptly stated, "See! I told you it would help!" Just making sure she knew I was right.

So, the Detention Hearing happened this week. Looking forward to finding our exactly what that means for Baby Girl and us. I believe it's where they officially start the process of the parents and services or  no services. Gotta look that up. Either way, it's still looking like we will have our little Angel Baby for a few months. I can't believe it has only been 1 week. We are far beyond attached to this sweetie.  We are at the point of only Daddy and Mommy being able to calm her down. Feels so good. She is getting cuter and cuter everyday. Her forever family is going to fall in  love with her as  fast as we did. The question came up about 3 times this past week from friends, my S.W. and family. Will you guys  be adopting her? And I swear I don't even have a tiny feeling of wanting too. It's not that I don't love her as if she was and could be my own. Because since the day I brought her home, she has been my daughter. It's more of, I don't know how to explain it. We are loving her and taking care of her till her God chooses her Forever Family. God has chosen us to be her family for now. There are so many people out there who really want to raise a child. They are going to love her and help her grow into the woman she is meant to be.  When that happens, we will be super-bummed. We talked about it last night. Boy we will need the prayers then. The piece that keeps are heads up is when we think of the fact that we will be able to love another baby or little one again and again and again! This is what God has called on us for and we are so up for the challenge.

Speaking of Abby and Ethan, they are doing awesome. No jealousy, no resentment of extra chores.... just straight love and understanding for their baby sister! They are so good with her. Week one of summer vacation has ended and we hope to fill in some days with the Zoo and the Nature Center next week. Maybe some pool?!

See ya! She is getting louder...  :)Amy

3 hours is not enough...

3 hours, 4 hours.... It doesn't matter, it's just not enough time to get back on track for the rest of the day. And if I don't nap when Baby Girl naps, I am so done at the end of the day. Thank God Thank God Thank God for Erwin! Seriously, without me asking or begging or even crying, he is getting up in the middle of the night at the slightest peep for Baby Girl's feedings. If he misses one, he's bummed. This isn't new, he did this with both kids. Well, he would change the diaper then give them to me for nursing. This time around he gets to do it all. Today was the first time we think the spoiling, with kisses, hugs and more hugs is setting in. Each time Erwin would go to put her in her little bed for a nap she would start to cry. Looks like Er's "pillow" hasn't lost it's affect. It's just warmer and cozier with it's own snoring... I mean vibration setting.

Yesterday was the 1st Dr's appt of many for our sweet sweet girl. Clean bill of health for now. And all I have to say is this Dr went above and beyond to help me with my 1st Foster Child Dr appt. The paperwork is stacked high. The questions seem never ending. The details are ever so important now, since they will all be looked at with a magnifying glass in court. But I was prepared. I prepared for Baby Girl that is. I completely forgot to pack drinks and snacks for me. 3 1/2 hours in a tiny little room was a long time. Especially without breakfast and a few hours of sleep. So, thankful my SW is funny and available for texting. We chatted back and forth for awhile as I waited patiently for the next set of questions and answers. Next week will be Children's Hosp. tests and then some developmental therapy. Might seem like a lot, but I am excited to learn about all this stuff that is going to make Baby Girl the best she can be, even if she is only 15 days old.

I should be in bed, but I always have a little need for a snack after waking with her. Instead of eating a banana and a wafer cookie and watching TV, I just thought I would eat and blog. More productive I think. AHHHH - A freakin' flying thing just flew at my screen. Really? I'm thinking moth but Damn Gina! Can a girl just type in the dark without being bugged?!?! HA...ya, 3 hours is not enough...

NIGHT NIGHT!  :)Amy

A Sweet Miracle -- A Child

I got the call at 9:30 this morning and I missed it. Today started off with my Dr's appt at 8:30am and then home to pick up Abby so her and I could hang up Trunk Treasures signs around Eastlake. I am so grateful to the hospital Social Worker for leaving me a message that our Baby Girl can be picked up at 5pm! Yay for having time to work at Trunk Treasures and Yay for not having to wait another night to pick her up!!

After Abby and I hung up some signs we went to Trunk Treasures and picked up the new Pack n Play for $60 and a gently used stroller for $15. I got those in the truck and we headed back to the house!

White baby laundry is folded and I put the pink baby laundry in the dryer. I then spoke with the S.W. and I was given instructions to pick up meds for Baby Girl before I picked her up.  Then paperwork at Angel's and I have to work at T.T. too? How am I going to even attempt this? Erwin got off work early! Summer break is here. He and Ethan stepped up and drove to Children's Hospital to pick up the meds and even stopped by Angels for the paperwork and some newborn necessities! SuperDad to the rescue. Abby and I worked at T.T. and of course in the last 5 minutes I let myself pick out 3 super cute outfits for our sweet little one. What Mom could resist a 3 piece outfit from Gymboree for $4?? Oh ya!! 3 outfits for $10! Time to pick her up.

Earlier in between some of this craziness I had to drive to Baby Girl's hospital to pick up the written prescription. It had been a little over 11 yrs. since I had been to this NICU. Last time, I was wheeled in a few hours after my emergency C-section to see my son for the first time. HE was hooked up to all the machines and tubes. I didn't get to hold him for 6 days. Today, it was kind of surreal walking past all the machines looking for my new Baby Girl. There she was laying contently wrapped up like a burrito. I got to take a peek and chat with a nurse for awhile getting a few tidbits of how she was brought into the world. Gave me a little insight on BioMom. But I had to go and continue my day. So when Erwin and I walked in at 445pm with a diaper bag and blanket in hand I felt like this was all good and rolling just as it should.

I took over her feeding as the nurse got a few things ready for us. Her nose plunger, her hospital tags, bottles, etc. Baby Girl is a strong little miracle! She has overcome 5 serious setbacks given to her at birth. Score is Baby Girl 4 - BioMom 1. This sweet thing has so much black hair! My babies were baldies so it's throwing me for a loop but nothing a bee-utiful headband can't fix. ;) She is teeny tiny! Weighs a little over 6lbs now. 10 days old. The nurses love her and have said she is a very "content" sweetheart. I think she is no bigger than a football. Not the Nerf kind -  NFL of course. She has had her last course of antibiotics and has been given her meds to conquer the final setback. We put her into a cute pink pajama set that her Big Brother Ethan picked out. Bundled her up and walked out.

I'm staring at her right now. She is wiggly but has been sleeping since her last feeding at 915pm. It's incredible. She's a squeaker when she moves and has only cried as I changed her diaper due to her bad rash. Penicillin sucks. I get to show her off tomorrow. And begin convincing myself that I am her Momma. Feels so good. Good to be her main source of LOVE, her PROTECTOR, her Momma. I am blessed to have found this. This is my calling. This is what I have been waiting for. To be doing it with my husband and the kids is a Sweet Miracle in itself.

Bottle prep time and then off to bed. Hoping to get her feeding at 1230, 330 and 7. That will give me enough time to get Abby to dance and keep her sleeping throughout soccer sign ups afterwards. lol...

Night Night - Amy :)

Almost Time...

It's Friday morning at 49 minutes past midnight. I'm fried! No nap today. But  must blog about the latest happenings. Spoke with the hospital social worker today. Could have kicked myself when I checked my messages this morning. I didn't realize they had called on Wednesday! If I don't know the phone number I don't usually answer it. I have to change that behavior asap. On my defense, the phone number started out with the same three digits that the Chula Vista School Districts did. I definitely ignore those since I get an email notice too. Either way, the S.W. laughed at my delay. All is good. There seemed to be no huge concerns with Baby Girl. She was on her antibiotics and another important medication. She will have many tests continuously and they will be done at UCSD Hillcrest. That is where we picked up our Baby Boy, so I am familiar with the parking and such now. Easy cheesy! Doctors are going to do their rounds in the morning and then I will receive a call from the S.W. to let me know if she will be discharged tomorrow or Saturday! Gosh, I hope it's tomorrow. I'm an anxious Mama-to-be.

On a positive note, I worked at Trunk Treasures www.trunktreasures.net today after picking up the kids from their last day of school. From 2pm to 630pm. And I found a $15 EvenFlo stroller which runs about $149 in the stores. I found a new Pack-n-Play for $60 which runs about $199 in the stores. AND I found a Petunia Picklebottom Diaper Bag for $20! I guess the style I got is usually $150. I found these all at 6:20pm. lol... I let Er know of the two biggies and he was in agreement. We will save a lot of money. Both are in neutral green and brown colors which is awesome too! I can;t wait to pick it all up in the morning after a Dr's appt for myself. Exciting! We have Baby Girl's coming home outfit. Ethan picked out a cute pajama onesie with pink cow feet. Abby picked out some pajamas for her too. Erwin washed the bottles for me. And we got the bins of Abby's baby clothes down so I can wash some pink frilly stuff for her. Oh, I just got the chills after typing that. I am going to switch a load of white and beige things to the dryer before I sleep.  We bought a few for Baby Boy that we are going to keep as staples for our future Angel Babies. Others were Ethan's we took out to share.

I was going to sign off when I looked to my right and saw Baby Girl's first brand new toy. A super cute Vulli Giraffe Auntie Dee bought for us. FUN!! So off to bed I go to dream about the days ahead. We shall be busy tomorrow with or without Baby Girl. I'm, just praying a little harder it's WITH.

Night Night -
:)Amy

LIFE - Mac. Style

Days of Our Lives is on. It's 11:42pm. Tuesday is almost over leaving 2 more wake-ups before the kids are off school for summer break! Hubby too. 7 weeks of high school sports and family! NO SCHOOL!! I am quite pleased. It has been a busy busy school year. I'm looking forward unusually to next year. Ethan will be in 6th grade. His last year of elementary school. Never to return again. And Abby will be in 3rd grade. Weird! More crazy is the fact that I haven't blogged in over a year. I definitely had to get going again. There is no efficient way to get all this down and share with everyone. Texting is impossible. I can never remember who I sent an email to and who I have not. So, I have passed on this blog and hope it keeps those we hold dear to our lives up to date on this most INCREDIBLE journey we call our LIFE!

Most of you know the Applegate Macalaguim's are officially Foster Parents. We had our 1st placement just last week and he was a 5 day old Angel! The most perfect little one with no one to take him home. I will go into more about him another day. BECAUSE... we have been called on our 2nd placement! This week took forever to get through. First, just dealing with the fact that we only had our "Baby Boy" for 48 hours. That was new and a feeling we all worked hard at trying to grasp. By the weekend we were all good. I was just so ready for a baby again. A foster baby mind you. Erwin had to reassure me on a daily basis that Sara, our Angel's Social Worker, didn't lose our phone number. He has been so amazing through this. I loved watching him be "Baby Boy's" Dad and seeing Ab and E watch him intently. Very Cool. I digress... I was exhausted today after waking up at 4 with a horrible headache. Had to eat and then take an Excedrin, wake up a few hours later and get the kiddos to school. Thank Goodness they behaved and it helps that when I pull up a bit late, my neighbor-friend Eva is there taking a very long time to shut the gate just so my kids get in without being "late". Another "Angel" who makes my life easier! I slept a big chunk of today. Felt good. Ran some errands, picked up the kids, came home to find Erwin home early. Woo Woo! As I was continuing chores, I hear the phone ring, Ethan yells,"It's Sara!" I looked at him and made the snide remark, "No it's not! Are you serious or are you lying?" LOL...nope, I didn't accuse him of joking - just straight out lying! It was her! I always try to act like I haven't been sitting on the phone waiting for her call. As if she believes me. They got a call and have a baby girl in need of a home. She is looking to be discharged on Thursday from the hospital and was born on the 22nd. She is officially 1 week old. BioMom and BioDad already want to give up their parental rights and be done with her. I can't imagine coming to that conclusion after just a few days, yet at all. Sara informs me this is not the first time for BioMom. She has other children who have been given up and adopted. Again, I shake my head in disbelief. Partly, because I have only heard stories on TV like this. Partly because I'm not sure how long it will take me to accept the fact that God has chosen me and my family to be these Angel's loved ones. I get the blessing of being this little ones Momma. Wow...

"Baby Boy" was a happy and healthy kiddo. "Baby Girl" isn't as much. From what we know she is already on a few different medications to fight off issues given to her by her BioMom. She has been given a rough start but we plan on making it a little more comfortable for her in the coming days or months. No, we don't know how long she will bless us with her presence. Most likely longer than "Baby Boy". I know nothing else other than I will hear from the County Placement Worker tomorrow sometime and then hopefully get to visit her in the NICU just about 2 miles from the house or at least talk to her nurse about how she is doing. So, I wait. Good thing is tomorrow is FULL of stuff to do. Dishes, Laundry, end of year Teacher gifts to make, tagging for Trunk Treasures, helping set up for Trunk Treasures, vacuum seal fruit I just bought, just the basics. Hoping that will keep me busy and make tomorrow fly by so may pick her up on Thursday. I'm in awe of this road we have been lead down. I love what we are doing as a family. I love that we are doing it as a family. I am so fulfilled by each and every conversation we have about Fostering. Crazy it took 8 years to figure out this is where I am supposed to be. It feels so good. So, please check back often and subscribe if you can. That way you will get an email whenever I update. It's gonna be exciting I know that for sure. My definition of 'exciting' might be a little fuzzy tho. It's a good fuzzy!! Night Night - :)Amy