Really?

Can you imagine an entire "Sober-living" house being on restriction? I immediately say to myself, "Are you serious? Not one of those women spoke up to say "maybe this isn't a good idea...". I mean come on." What did they do? I have no idea. BioMom must be in the counseling session about not sharing much with the foster mom because she is not giving up much these days. Or she heard from the investigator that I didn't think she can handle "Little Man" by herself. Either way, she does let me know the whole house is on restriction because they can't wait to watch TV this weekend. I get that. A little while later, she then lets me know she can't leave the house because of her own personal restriction. Seriously?? I have this bad feeling I know who the ring leader of the house restriction was.

BioMom had left a voicemail for me one day. She was calling to check in on "Little Man".  Most likely because I told the investigator she hasn't ever called to check in. She can call me as much as she wants. Or more like, as much as she is allowed to use the phone. Back to the voicemail... I decided one afternoon to let "Little Man" listen to the voicemail to see if he would recognize his Mommy. Sure enough he looks away from the phone and at my face then back at the phone. He knew. Kind of cute. The next visit I had with BioMom I pulled out the phone while she was holding "Little Man". I played the voicemail on speaker and he immediately turned his head to his Mommy. I mean not even 4 seconds went by and he knew who he was listening to and who was holding him. BioMom looked at me with the happiest surprised eyes. It was a nice Mom-Moment. Those don't come very often for her.

:)Amy

Funnier?

I need to be funnier, more amusing, use more whitty insights... I get it. I realize I have been writing at the late hours of the day when I just need to get a post entered. Or I am typing as fast as I can before "Little Man" wakes up. Gotta update! Gotta update!  As I reflect I think there is less funny going on with this journey. With our "Baby Girl" we had no idea what we were headed into everyday as new foster parents. But it was easy cheesy with no bio-parents. This case... not so much. Easy-Cheesy never enters my mind as a descriptor. Let me just give you a quick run-down of events for the recent past...

May 26th: Bio-Mom has 1st public visit with her adoptive Mom at Plaza Bonita.
May 26th: Agreement made to wait for call from BioMom during the week to schedule next weekend visit. She has been allowed 1hr every weekend on top of Mondays 2hr visit.
May 31st: No calls for visit. (No way she is going to miss the 2nd visit)
June 2nd: Call from BioMom: "Amy where are you?" Me:"At home, Why? What's up?" Yep she missed the 2nd visit! She "...thought..." wrong.
June 3rd: BioMom visit - she also missed her 2nd court ordered parenting class. Bus was late... totally understandable! Solid visit scheduled for every Sunday. No misunderstandings now.
June 5th: Voicemail rcvd from BioMom: All weekend visits are now cancelled. Mondays are still the same. What the?? SW didnt know anything about it.
hmmm....
June 11th: 6mo court date where BioMom is granted 6 more months of services to learn how to be a sober mom. Also, BioDad shows up!! Yep, you read right! He has arrived! Oh ya - this is after the fact I was told that BioMom cannot have anythng to do with him since he has a felony bench warrant. But forget about that. Not important anymore. BioDad will get one supervised 1hr visit a week till we confirm paternity.
June 13th: Visit with BioMom since we had to reschedule for my family event on Monday. Big change ... She will now get 2- 1hr visits each week. She felt she wasn't bonding with baby. Needs to see more of him.
The count is now   BioMom - 2x a week   BioDad - 1x a week  Foster Mama - 3x a week to see young, unexperienced, hopefully sober bioparents.
June 17th: Visit with BioMom & then DNA testing for "Little Man" - Is BioMom telling the truth?
June 20th: Visit with BioMom in half-way house then off to CPS for a visit with BioDad.

Now since May 26th (and further back then that) my 7mo old "Little Man" has slept through the night 1 stinkin' time! Tired doesn't even begin to describe how I feel daily. Today I have in one hand a paper bag with a Jamba Juice Apple Pretzel in it. Balancing on my knee I have a cup of water. In my lap I have a sleeping 24lb baby boy! I wanted another chunk of pretzel so I stuck my hand in the cup of water.
Nice!!

Till next time...
:)Amy

Respite... No Thanks

RESPITE (n)

1: a period of temporary delay

2: an interval of rest or relief

 

I always defined "respite" in a medical sense. If someone was very ill and needed to stay home with respite care. Something like that. (if I apply the definition I have just found, I made no sense for years) In the Foster Parenting world, it is commonly used for assistance with foster kids. For example, if you have plans for a trip and the courts won't allow you to take your child along, your child is put into a respite home until you return. Or it can be a home that takes care of a foster child just for a night or a weekend to give the parents a break. These homes are licensed and ready to support foster families.  It seems to me that respite is put out there almost as a requirement or automatic part of the responsibility foster parents take on. It was talked about in our training. There have been many articles written on the subject too. Makes us feel weird.

 

I understand that sometimes foster families may have no other choice because of the courts to use a respite home. Makes sense. It's a rule. But as for "a break" or a "date night"?  Erwin and I are foster parents by title but will always be parents at heart.  As we parent our own children, we rarely take breaks or use date nights. Sometimes they are offered by family or friends. And sometimes we accept. We know these families and make sure we only do it when there is no other choice. Basically we feel like we have chosen to be parents not as a job for our biological children or our foster children, but as a life choice. We don't think we should take breaks from our life. Yes, sometimes we feel we need it because we are tired or overwhelmed. We are humans with limits like everyone else. But we don't call people and ask them to take our children so we can have a break. We simply take a break with our kids. A change in the daily routine. Not temporarily eliminating one of the sources of our fatigue. If you think about it, the kids probably need a break too. This doesn't change because we have our Angel Baby. Our kids aren't going to be in our homes forever. Well, they better not be. And for sure our Angel Babies won't be in our homes for long either. We will take our "respite" when they leave. We will have plenty of time there to refresh, relax, recharge and go on date nights.

 

I always re-read what I am writing as I am writing it to make sure it's all flowing nicely without ranting. This post seems as if I am building myself up on this pedestal. I promise that is not where I am coming from. We are not anything special. I am not trying to prove our invincibility. I also know some families need respite. They use it and love it. They couldn't be the awesome parents they are without it. That is totally OK. Obviously it's there to help, not to hinder. I just simply want to state that it's just not for us.  We will continue to do our job, loving and caring for "our kids" no matter the length of the day or the weight of the world on our shoulders.  It's just who we are. I wonder if that is a good or bad thing? I may need to post again on the topic... Opinions?

 

:)Amy