In August we had all new experiences as a foster family. To begin, we had our first TDM…Team Decision Meeting. As I recall this meeting is usually held a
few times throughout a case to keep everyone in the loop of the progress or
lack thereof, at the same time. Yes, this was our first. Infuriating for me
since it seems like this is going to be the only place where I am going to be
free to speak when and how I would like to speak. One week exactly, from the
date of this meeting, I rcve’d some crazy information. Nothing new there. Every
piece of information is crazy with this case.
Looks like some rules are being broken. Hmmm… Visits are being had and
people are involved in those visits that shouldn’t be. All that I’m now thinking
is, here we go, this is the attny’s chance to stop the runaway train from
crashing into reunification head on. On top of all this, I find out BioMom is
expecting. 4 months along. I was right. I knew this about 2 months prior. This
time I had to bring it up without jeopardizing my relationship with BioMom or revealing
my source. I did what I had to do, after a few stomach aches and migraines. I
brought it up to the appropriate people and NOTHING came of it. I was assured the broken rules would be
addressed at the TDM. Ok. What about the
“growing” issue with BioMom? Well, that’s
not a protection issue for “Little Man”. And, oh ya, it’s not an issue anymore.
BioMom decided to eliminate the possibility this issue continuing for 5 more months.
(Yes, you can shake your head right along with me.)
I arrive to the TDM with "Little Man". He has a visit immediately
following this meeting. Someone from the county office will watch him in
another office. A very long table, a white board and everyone involved sitting in
the same room. Only one left out is “Little Man”, of course. Head of the table
is the mediator. To her right is BioMom’s main support person. Someone she met
in the last 2 years of her recovery. (Calling her Sheila because she looks more
like a Sheila to me than her real name.)
Going around the table is BioMom, Ashley & Sabrina who are both
young moms with a current relationship with CWS, two members of BioDad’s family,
my agency worker, me, the social workers supervisor and the social worker. I
happen to be seated directly across from BioMom. As we are explained the rules of how this
meeting with play out, I can’t help but look at her and wonder how she is going
to handle being told that her case is now in jeopardy because she broke the rules.
Will she know it was me that snitched?
Then, it comes to mind that I am the only one there who is on “Little Man’s”
side. My worker is there to support me because I have never been to anything like
this before. This means I am against everyone else in this room. Great! Here we
go…
Quick and easy recap of the TDM: Nothing I said in the meeting
mattered at all. BioMom got slapped on the
hands for breaking the rules and was told she “cannot do that anymore”. Oh ya,
you read it right. No repercussions from doing what she was specifically told
not to do and putting “Little Man’s” life in danger. A plan was made and printed out for everyone
to follow for the next 3 weeks. About 2
more 8hr visits and the overnights will begin.
He will be reunified with his BioMom the day after her court hearing
where the judge will agree with what the county has suggested. The chart defining BioMom’s progress with pros
vs. cons resembles the room quite literally. The list of Pros for her
reunifying with “Little Man” is crossing over onto another page with notes on
the side. The Cons? 10 of them. Of which I named 8. The other 2 were the rules
that were broken mentioned by the SW.
Really brought out by me earlier. Physically and on paper I was the only
one there to fight for “Little Man”. Or you could say the only one against
“BioMom”. The only good thing that came
out of this meeting is we have an exact schedule for the next 3 weeks visitation
and I let BioMom know that we would like to be a part of “Little Man’s” life as
long as she is ok with it. This is going
to happen no matter what now.
