Don't you know who I am?

I had a few crazy experiences when visiting bio-mom in juvenile hall. Go figure! One that always comes to mind that directly included me was when a substitute Social Worker came in to supervise. In the beginning she walked into the waiting room with Barry, who I had met before. She didn't introduce herself, just stood in front of me. I introduced myself since it was really awkward. I overheard that she was going to go in with me and not Barry. Immediately after her introduction she says, "Why are we meeting here?"  She had this look of disdain and disgust of our meeting location. I was flabbergasted but confused. And maybe entertained a bit. I looked at Barry assuming she had read about the case or spoke about it on the ride over. Barry told her, "Bio-Mom is incarcerated here." She responded with the expected, "Oooooh." Who is this lady!?!

Little did I know she was not done. She followed me inside the room and sat directly behind me in a room with at least 15 other chairs. (Okay?!) About 15 minutes in, Bio-Mom asked me about how he is doing with sitting upright and how strong he is getting. I told her how at 4 1/2 months I can carry him on my hip. (My hand is on his back of course.) But this boy is strong! Before I even finished my sentence the Sub looked directly at Bio-Mom and said, "You really shouldn't do that till the baby is at least 6 months." I reassured her that this little boy has blown the normal milestones out of the water and is very strong. She looked at me, turned back to Bio-Mom and said, "Still, you shouldn't do that." I turned my back to her and was blown away. Who did she think she was? Did she know who I was? So, I asked her! "Did Barry tell you who I am? I'm "Little Man's" Foster Mom. You know I have had him since birth?" (I wanted to say I AM HIS MOM!) She had known. Ok... then why the heck are you telling his bio-mom that what I am telling her is wrong and basically I have no clue what I am talking about?! I had no one there who I really knew since we also had a sub-parole officer. I was ready to pop.

Funny small world... the same lady showed up to the halfway house as a SW for another housemate. Luckily, I was not there. It would have driven me crazy. lol...

Ok...I feel better now.

:)Amy

Is it "Good-Bye Day" for us already?

Right before Bio-Mom went into her current half-way house the powers that be were trying to decide where she was going to be spending her judge ordered recovery time. There were options in La Mesa, North County and somewhere else in San Diego.  Not much of the discussion was had in front of me. Remember I don't get a vote. When she is in a facility I will need to drive "Little Man" once or twice a week for his visit. Same would go for North County, even if it's an hour away. Or so I thought. I immediately called my Angel's worker and was very worried that I would have to do that. No way could I handle that drive with my other kids busy lives too. But I don't want to say I can't because maybe they will take him from us. Word is County may transfer his case if North County is the plausible option for Bio-Mom. He would get a North County SW and a North County Foster Family.

There was only 2 weeks till she got out of Juvenile Hall - I was freakin' out. We were not done playing with him, watching him grow and lovin' on him. I was glued to my phone at all times. Dreading any calls from any one of importance.

It got down to 3 days before she got out and I still had heard nothing. It was killing me. I know we never really know when he is going to go but he's not supposed to go to another home unless the case is leading to adoption. Ughhh... the waiting game is the hardest part I swear.

A day after she was to be released I got a call and they are NOT moving her to North County. The facility was full with a waiting list. Phew!! We dodged that one.

Fast Forward to visit #2 with Bio-Mom in her current location. We were having our normal talk about the baby and things she felt I needed to know about her scattered past like her biological Dad's house being raided for drugs 3 days after she stopped staying there at 8 months pregnant. She brought up the other facilities and I felt I needed to let her know how I was selfishly glad she didn't go to North County where she had wanted to be. She didn't know that if she was placed there, her son would most  likely have been taken from me and put into another home. She was very surprised and said,"Well, did you tell them you didn't want that?" I reminded her that I have no control over what happens with "Little Man". I have no say in the matter. I am just his caregiver. She actually made me feel good -- not sure how many times I'll be able to say that during our Angel journeys. She told me she would have been so upset!! It looks and feels like we are on the same team...for now.

;)Amy

Our Angel's Theme Song

I am crazy about music. I have been for as long as I can remember. My entire family is. My brother, sister and I have this insane ability to remember song lyrics only after a few listens. We would have killed it on Name That Tune! Anyway, music has helped me through some of the worst times of my life. I will get the biggest goosebumps and start crying when I hear Lee Greenwood sing "Proud To Be An American".  It was playing a ton after 9-11 and during my long commute I had lots of time to think about those lyrics. Some songs I can't listen to because it reminds me of stuff I don't want to be think about, like an exes and my favorite song. It's corny and I'm not missing out.  Others are so hilarious I have to call my sisters cell and put the phone to the speaker so she can hear the song playing on the radio at that very moment! Then I hang up. "Baby Got Back!" We don't even need to speak. We know who it is once we hear the music playing.

I think "Glad You Came" started playing on the car radio the night we picked up "Baby Girl". The words clicked and it was as if they were singing about what was about to happen.  (side note: The "drink" needs to be thought of as a bottle of milk.)

"Glad You Came" - The Wanted

The sun goes down
The stars come out
And all that counts
Is here and now
My universe will never be the same
I'm glad you came

You cast a spell on me,
You hit me like the sky fell on me,
And I decided you look well on me,
So let's go somewhere no one else can see, you and me

Turn the lights out now
Now I'll take you by the hand
Hand you another drink
Drink it if you can
Can you spend a little time,
Time is slipping away,
Away from us so stay,
Stay with me I can make,
Make you glad you came

The sun goes down
The stars come out
And all that counts
Is here and now
My universe will never be the same
I'm glad you came
I'm glad you came

 

Can you hear it now? It's crazy I tell you. I swear this song was for Foster Parents. Probably not, but it makes me feel better. The biggest piece that hits home for me is "All that counts is here and now" because that is all we can think about. I can't think about tomorrow since I have no idea where our Angel babies and us will be. For now, we are so glad they came to us and we know our universe will never be the same.

 

Nite Nite!

:)Amy