Start # 453

This blog has been so many things. A place for me to vent. A place for me to empty my mind. A place to journal important and not so important events in our life. Today I read a blog I had read before. It is a mom who lost her husband 6 weeks ago to cancer. Now she is here raising her two kids and herself. No way...I can't do this alone. How she continues every day is a mystery to me. I have always told people, sarcastically of course, that I will never get a divorce or leave my husband because I am selfish and don't want to do all this alone. Honestly, I can't do it alone. Especially after having done it with him for almost 17 years! Half of my life! I couldn't imagine having to figure out the bbq outside. It would never be used again. I couldn't imagine having to take the car to Chuck's to get whatever failed fixed. That is his job. Not ever meant to be mine. I'm comfortable here in my world of this will never happen to me so I will stop worrying about it. Cozy.

Today, the kids looked a bit older as I took them to school in the 50* weather and pouring rain. My stomach was killing me and I just asked for silence while we waited in the long line of cars dropping off their kids. I am so glad that my kids allow me to drop them off at the curb. Goodness I am GLAD!I haven't had many tummy aches in the morning lately. Maybe that's a good thing. No, I know that's a good thing. Maybe it's a sign of long term improvement. That would be nice. I digress, the kids kept quiet but a few times I caught them whispering to each other. Much nicer than Abby leaning as far over her booster seat to try and reach Ethan on the other side of the car in hopes of smacking him or pulling his shirt. Those moments of sibling love are unmeasurable!

A long list of to-do's today. Ribbon store, ballet, Ethan to the dentist, scheduling appts for all of us including Ruby-girl, and definitely a nap. Which by the way will be happening sooner than I thought today. I am wiped!

Would love to keep this blog going. We all know I have lots on my mind. When do I not???

Night

Instead of me thinking about it and thinking about it, I am just going to start typing. Still stops me every time. Thinking. All I do is think about things and rarely do I ever act on those thought. Probably because I start thinking about something else right when I start to act on the thoughts.

This weekend was good I think. lol. Saturday and Sunday I woke up super early and went back to bed after some cereal and a load of laundry. I slept in but up before it was crazy late. The Macalaguim's spent the whole weekend together which is highly unusual. Now that the school gym is up and running, it will become a thing of the past. Girl's Volleyball is upon us. But for now, the weekend we just had was really nice. Kids did their Popping Class Saturday afternoon. Ethan is still in love with it. And does GREAT! Abby is not so into it. She has to stay in the same spot for an hour. Nope, not going to happen. Not when she hears music and is in a class of 20+ other kids. That's a party foul in Abby-World! She'll switch to Jazz in September. Then after some lunch we took Ruby to the dog park and watched her greet all the humans! Such a baby, i tell you.

Ethan had a sleepover at his BFF's house but I got the call at 1030pm to come pick him up. He was "homesick". I was glad in a weird way that I got to pick him up. Made me feel like a loving and all protecting mommy for the 9 yr old who barely gives me an "adios" when we get our of the car at school each day.

Sunday was even better. Slept in, woke up to my 49ers playing. My loving husband recorded it for me, since I never get to watch my football down south. We won! Yahoo! Kids laugh at me getting so excited, screaming, jumping off the couch at interceptions! I LOVE IT! After that I did my weed pulling that I have been wanting to do for months. Just never acted on the thought. I know I am going to be sore tomorrow. No going back upstairs for me. Kids were outside for hours while i was doing that. We visited with our neighbors and the kids all rode their bikes and scooters and played with dirt. We love our neighbors! That is probably 75% of the reason we have never moved. We just couldn't have asked for better neighbors. Really....it's awesome! At one time there were 6 kids in front of my house from ages 2 to 9. And 3 babies in tummies!! (not mine) lol.

We went and got some Rite-Aid ice cream. Nothing beats Chocolate Malted Crunch. Ethan would argue that LemonHead ice cream does. He loves it so much, he paid for his 2nd scoop with his own money! He is a lover of ice cream like his dad!

Home after that, painted some Abby fingernails -- Made some hairbows -- ate a super late BBQ dinner and enjoyed some Ninja Warrior and SYTYCD as a family. Now, I am putting my thoughts here so I can get to bed and sleep more than 4 hours. Monday's are NUTS. And like I said earlier ...Volleyball is here and I am now a Coach's wife. Kind of like a Navy wife except he comes home every night. Late, but home!

I do love my family. Now, I just have to pray pray pray that Erwin will agree to expand it! lol...

Till next time...Night!

Be Good

Do all the good you can, by all the means you can, in all the ways you can, in all the places you can, to all the people you can, as long as ever you can.
-John Wesley

A First Day

I found an outfit for Abby to wear right before bed and thank goodness, she approved. I didnt realize that I hadn't really bought her a "first day" outfit. Ethan, on the other hand, had gotten a "first day" outfit but didnt want anything to do with it.

Ethan: "Mom, I don't want to wear those shorts."
Me:"Come on Ethan, you can wear them to school, it's only a half day and you can change when you get home."
Ethan: "I don't like them."
Me: "They are cool! I bought them for you. The are hawaiian shorts."
Ethan: "I don't want to wear cool hawaiian shorts."
Me: "PLEEEASE for meee?"
Ethan: "Nope"
Me: "Why Not?"
Ethan: "They have flowers on them."

I lost that one cuz I knew I shouldn't make him wear flowers to school if he didn't want to.
I stayed up late as usual and made Abby's hairbow to match her outfit. I was pretty proud of how well it matched. Of course I checked the colors before I went to bed.

I woke up on time and Abby had been in our bed since Erwin left for work. Kids got up, Ethan gave himself a shower with only one reminder from me to wash his face and get going. I curled Abby's freshly cut short hair and added her new ribbon. She looked cute as could be. As I type this I realize that I may not have fed the kids breakfast. Really? Maybe Er fed Ethan, but I don't think so. Great! Point for greatest mom award 2010! Good thing I made them each take a snack even though they wanted to eat in the cafeteria today. Abby was pretty excited about that piece of first grade. She did not want to take a lunch.

Fast forward trough dropping off Ethan at his 4th grade classroom with his classmates he has had since Kinder, through walking Abby to her class while passing her favorite teacher Sra. Vasquez, through kisses and good mornings from mom friends and dad friends that I have gotten to know over the past 4 years at this school, through all the kids and parents saying "ABBY!" with big smiles on their faces, to standing outside Abby's class window. I couldn't leave, I couldn't cry, I couldn't take a deep breath and say "she is going to be great!" I just couldn't move. It has been the strangest feeling. Why am I worried about this little 6 yr old who is stronger and more confident that I was at 16?! I'm her Mom. I dropped my kids off for their 1st day of school. It's their 1st day of a year filled with lots of new things. New experiences. Ethan an upper grader and Abby gets to go to the BIG playground three times! Wow. It's crazy. It puts a pit in my stomach. Now I have the day to myself which I have been excited and anxiously waiting for all last year!

I told Ruby when I got home that I don't know what I would do if I didn't have her. She loves me and wants me to be with her and is going crazy, but at least she is not talking back and if I need to I can put her in her crate. That wouldn't have worked well with Abby.

So, this is a first for Abby, Ethan and Mommy and actually Ruby too. I thought I was going to be having a party. It may be awhile before I can party! Good thing it's a half day. I leave to pick them up in 3 hours. Just enough time for me to finish my first blog in a long time, enjoy a cherry turnover, a coke, some DVR'd shows and finish my white laundry!

My Crazy Family

Im hoping to stick these images in my brain before I head to bed this morning... I love these three people with everything I am. They truly are what wakes me up in the morning, sometimes in every sense of the word. When I hear their voices, I am home. I am safe. I am happy.

WARNING: Mini-dump of my thoughts

Im hesitant to even start this. It's 2:32am Monday morning after 2 weeks of break for kids and Erwin. We've had a great vacation to Vegas and a not so great bought of strep throat, mono and now a lung infection. I guess I can say I am glad we have lots of clothes since not much laundry has been done during these 2 weeks. Saying that doesn't make it feel or sound very good. I have managed to bake, cook fresh vegies and freeze them, work, work on my albums, attend EHS Vball games, take a few showers here and there and let's see what else. I don't know, maybe it will come to me before I end this.

I know this schedule is not working for me. It can't be good for my health. I know it's not good for my marriage. I slept last night at 330/4. As I was turning off lights to go upstairs, Abby met me half way and was wheezing. Breathing treatment for her which just meant I slept 20 minutes later, No biggie. I woke up at 1pm Sunday. Now I will probably sleep at 330 this morning and my alarm will go off at 630.hahaha...Pretty sure both kids will go back to school tomorrow. Abby is the one with the cough but nothing else says, besides the dr,that she is sick. Ill weigh it out in the morning. I have a dr's appt at 10am. Maybe he will have the answer for the sleepless nights. Fingers crossed but not holding my breath. 3rd Pyschiatrist in 12 months. Gotta love Kaiser Mental Health. Maybe this one will stick around for awhile. Hey I just thought, 3rd ones a charm?! I would love to go to bed like everyone else. Maybe before the next day.

Thinking about making tomorrow "schedule making day". I always try to avoid schedules since if I fall off the "schedule" then I get anxious and my tummy takes over. Is there also a saying about 16th times a charm?

(lapse of 4 minutes)

I have not typed anything for 4 minutes cuz I am trying to figure out what to type next. It's kind of like I am being graded. Would this be ok to type? Or should I post that one on FB? No one really cares about this... and on and on. hahahaha... I do know that I am going to try my best to sit outside tomorrow. Hoping for a nice breeze to clear my head. And blow the germs out of our house. Im opening all windows. Every single one. I would love to get through the Holidays (can't believe I just said that) with no sickies. We have stuff to do, places to go, people to see. Well really we just have school, Ballet, Hip-Hop, EHS sports and homework to do, but ya know.

Alarm Clock Time

Am I the only one who has the hardest time getting up in the morning? Let me rephrase that...Am I the only parent who has the hardest time getting up at 645am and then getting her two kids up in the morning and ready for school at 740am...all with enough time for a nutritious breakfast and time for them to actually wake-up? I can't stand the fact that I do get us all out the door and looking like we have been up for hours only to get to school with 2 minutes to spare when we see the line out of the office for late slips. We end up being 15 minutes late having to walk that walk of shame. You know the one where every other parent is walking off campus with no kids and you are stuck walking on campus with your kids, muffin in hand? (Muffin = FiberOne muffins made with milk not water) I feel so bad that I always end up telling the kids we will do something special after school since mommy is in capable of such a simple thing. Ice cream at Rite-Aide. Nothing huge but it's a band-aid nonetheless.

So I think it's time for an alarm clock in Ethan's room. 3rd grade...completely old enough to have to wake up and try to wake up his mom so they are not late. Cuz, my two alarms just don't do it. I am afraid Ethan is going to be just like his mom. I swear I cannot hear the alarm clock. I just can't. Altho, maybe I do and I just shut it off or keep pressing my most favorite and unfavorite button...Snooze! Anyway... he will be waking up to an alarm clock beginning tomorrow morning. Gotta check it out and see if it really works.

A new goal for me since I still have millions of thoughts racing through my mind at all times. I am going to attempt to blog in the mornings when I get back from school. Sometimes it may be the afternoons pending volunteering. But when I return I shall return to the blog. My only other options are continuing this flow of "I really need to call so-so (times that by 35) to tell them what I was just thinking". But when I get home life happens yet again and I pile 15 more thoughts on top of those I already had and wanted to take care of. Like for instance...I was driving home after dropping the kids off this morning and had to do a double-take at a light brown minivan that was obviously Patti's! Except for the fact that Patti lives in North Carolina and definitely was not perusing Chula Vista at 8am this morning. But I thought about her and never have the time to call her or email because right after I thought that I saw a stray puppy-dog walking down the street all alone. All I could think then was I hope he is walking home and doesn't have to cross E.Palomar. Maybe I should have stopped but that is impossible since he was really bookin it and you can't stop the Expedition on a dime! And then as I pulled in the driveway I realized Er didn't pull out the yard trash bin for garbage guy and I need to empty my workshop trash. Aye Aye Aye...Patti's call/email/facebook will have to wait!

Time to take advantage of my quiet house for 2 1/2 hours.