3 hours is not enough...

3 hours, 4 hours.... It doesn't matter, it's just not enough time to get back on track for the rest of the day. And if I don't nap when Baby Girl naps, I am so done at the end of the day. Thank God Thank God Thank God for Erwin! Seriously, without me asking or begging or even crying, he is getting up in the middle of the night at the slightest peep for Baby Girl's feedings. If he misses one, he's bummed. This isn't new, he did this with both kids. Well, he would change the diaper then give them to me for nursing. This time around he gets to do it all. Today was the first time we think the spoiling, with kisses, hugs and more hugs is setting in. Each time Erwin would go to put her in her little bed for a nap she would start to cry. Looks like Er's "pillow" hasn't lost it's affect. It's just warmer and cozier with it's own snoring... I mean vibration setting.

Yesterday was the 1st Dr's appt of many for our sweet sweet girl. Clean bill of health for now. And all I have to say is this Dr went above and beyond to help me with my 1st Foster Child Dr appt. The paperwork is stacked high. The questions seem never ending. The details are ever so important now, since they will all be looked at with a magnifying glass in court. But I was prepared. I prepared for Baby Girl that is. I completely forgot to pack drinks and snacks for me. 3 1/2 hours in a tiny little room was a long time. Especially without breakfast and a few hours of sleep. So, thankful my SW is funny and available for texting. We chatted back and forth for awhile as I waited patiently for the next set of questions and answers. Next week will be Children's Hosp. tests and then some developmental therapy. Might seem like a lot, but I am excited to learn about all this stuff that is going to make Baby Girl the best she can be, even if she is only 15 days old.

I should be in bed, but I always have a little need for a snack after waking with her. Instead of eating a banana and a wafer cookie and watching TV, I just thought I would eat and blog. More productive I think. AHHHH - A freakin' flying thing just flew at my screen. Really? I'm thinking moth but Damn Gina! Can a girl just type in the dark without being bugged?!?! HA...ya, 3 hours is not enough...

NIGHT NIGHT!  :)Amy

A Sweet Miracle -- A Child

I got the call at 9:30 this morning and I missed it. Today started off with my Dr's appt at 8:30am and then home to pick up Abby so her and I could hang up Trunk Treasures signs around Eastlake. I am so grateful to the hospital Social Worker for leaving me a message that our Baby Girl can be picked up at 5pm! Yay for having time to work at Trunk Treasures and Yay for not having to wait another night to pick her up!!

After Abby and I hung up some signs we went to Trunk Treasures and picked up the new Pack n Play for $60 and a gently used stroller for $15. I got those in the truck and we headed back to the house!

White baby laundry is folded and I put the pink baby laundry in the dryer. I then spoke with the S.W. and I was given instructions to pick up meds for Baby Girl before I picked her up.  Then paperwork at Angel's and I have to work at T.T. too? How am I going to even attempt this? Erwin got off work early! Summer break is here. He and Ethan stepped up and drove to Children's Hospital to pick up the meds and even stopped by Angels for the paperwork and some newborn necessities! SuperDad to the rescue. Abby and I worked at T.T. and of course in the last 5 minutes I let myself pick out 3 super cute outfits for our sweet little one. What Mom could resist a 3 piece outfit from Gymboree for $4?? Oh ya!! 3 outfits for $10! Time to pick her up.

Earlier in between some of this craziness I had to drive to Baby Girl's hospital to pick up the written prescription. It had been a little over 11 yrs. since I had been to this NICU. Last time, I was wheeled in a few hours after my emergency C-section to see my son for the first time. HE was hooked up to all the machines and tubes. I didn't get to hold him for 6 days. Today, it was kind of surreal walking past all the machines looking for my new Baby Girl. There she was laying contently wrapped up like a burrito. I got to take a peek and chat with a nurse for awhile getting a few tidbits of how she was brought into the world. Gave me a little insight on BioMom. But I had to go and continue my day. So when Erwin and I walked in at 445pm with a diaper bag and blanket in hand I felt like this was all good and rolling just as it should.

I took over her feeding as the nurse got a few things ready for us. Her nose plunger, her hospital tags, bottles, etc. Baby Girl is a strong little miracle! She has overcome 5 serious setbacks given to her at birth. Score is Baby Girl 4 - BioMom 1. This sweet thing has so much black hair! My babies were baldies so it's throwing me for a loop but nothing a bee-utiful headband can't fix. ;) She is teeny tiny! Weighs a little over 6lbs now. 10 days old. The nurses love her and have said she is a very "content" sweetheart. I think she is no bigger than a football. Not the Nerf kind -  NFL of course. She has had her last course of antibiotics and has been given her meds to conquer the final setback. We put her into a cute pink pajama set that her Big Brother Ethan picked out. Bundled her up and walked out.

I'm staring at her right now. She is wiggly but has been sleeping since her last feeding at 915pm. It's incredible. She's a squeaker when she moves and has only cried as I changed her diaper due to her bad rash. Penicillin sucks. I get to show her off tomorrow. And begin convincing myself that I am her Momma. Feels so good. Good to be her main source of LOVE, her PROTECTOR, her Momma. I am blessed to have found this. This is my calling. This is what I have been waiting for. To be doing it with my husband and the kids is a Sweet Miracle in itself.

Bottle prep time and then off to bed. Hoping to get her feeding at 1230, 330 and 7. That will give me enough time to get Abby to dance and keep her sleeping throughout soccer sign ups afterwards. lol...

Night Night - Amy :)

Almost Time...

It's Friday morning at 49 minutes past midnight. I'm fried! No nap today. But  must blog about the latest happenings. Spoke with the hospital social worker today. Could have kicked myself when I checked my messages this morning. I didn't realize they had called on Wednesday! If I don't know the phone number I don't usually answer it. I have to change that behavior asap. On my defense, the phone number started out with the same three digits that the Chula Vista School Districts did. I definitely ignore those since I get an email notice too. Either way, the S.W. laughed at my delay. All is good. There seemed to be no huge concerns with Baby Girl. She was on her antibiotics and another important medication. She will have many tests continuously and they will be done at UCSD Hillcrest. That is where we picked up our Baby Boy, so I am familiar with the parking and such now. Easy cheesy! Doctors are going to do their rounds in the morning and then I will receive a call from the S.W. to let me know if she will be discharged tomorrow or Saturday! Gosh, I hope it's tomorrow. I'm an anxious Mama-to-be.

On a positive note, I worked at Trunk Treasures www.trunktreasures.net today after picking up the kids from their last day of school. From 2pm to 630pm. And I found a $15 EvenFlo stroller which runs about $149 in the stores. I found a new Pack-n-Play for $60 which runs about $199 in the stores. AND I found a Petunia Picklebottom Diaper Bag for $20! I guess the style I got is usually $150. I found these all at 6:20pm. lol... I let Er know of the two biggies and he was in agreement. We will save a lot of money. Both are in neutral green and brown colors which is awesome too! I can;t wait to pick it all up in the morning after a Dr's appt for myself. Exciting! We have Baby Girl's coming home outfit. Ethan picked out a cute pajama onesie with pink cow feet. Abby picked out some pajamas for her too. Erwin washed the bottles for me. And we got the bins of Abby's baby clothes down so I can wash some pink frilly stuff for her. Oh, I just got the chills after typing that. I am going to switch a load of white and beige things to the dryer before I sleep.  We bought a few for Baby Boy that we are going to keep as staples for our future Angel Babies. Others were Ethan's we took out to share.

I was going to sign off when I looked to my right and saw Baby Girl's first brand new toy. A super cute Vulli Giraffe Auntie Dee bought for us. FUN!! So off to bed I go to dream about the days ahead. We shall be busy tomorrow with or without Baby Girl. I'm, just praying a little harder it's WITH.

Night Night -
:)Amy

LIFE - Mac. Style

Days of Our Lives is on. It's 11:42pm. Tuesday is almost over leaving 2 more wake-ups before the kids are off school for summer break! Hubby too. 7 weeks of high school sports and family! NO SCHOOL!! I am quite pleased. It has been a busy busy school year. I'm looking forward unusually to next year. Ethan will be in 6th grade. His last year of elementary school. Never to return again. And Abby will be in 3rd grade. Weird! More crazy is the fact that I haven't blogged in over a year. I definitely had to get going again. There is no efficient way to get all this down and share with everyone. Texting is impossible. I can never remember who I sent an email to and who I have not. So, I have passed on this blog and hope it keeps those we hold dear to our lives up to date on this most INCREDIBLE journey we call our LIFE!

Most of you know the Applegate Macalaguim's are officially Foster Parents. We had our 1st placement just last week and he was a 5 day old Angel! The most perfect little one with no one to take him home. I will go into more about him another day. BECAUSE... we have been called on our 2nd placement! This week took forever to get through. First, just dealing with the fact that we only had our "Baby Boy" for 48 hours. That was new and a feeling we all worked hard at trying to grasp. By the weekend we were all good. I was just so ready for a baby again. A foster baby mind you. Erwin had to reassure me on a daily basis that Sara, our Angel's Social Worker, didn't lose our phone number. He has been so amazing through this. I loved watching him be "Baby Boy's" Dad and seeing Ab and E watch him intently. Very Cool. I digress... I was exhausted today after waking up at 4 with a horrible headache. Had to eat and then take an Excedrin, wake up a few hours later and get the kiddos to school. Thank Goodness they behaved and it helps that when I pull up a bit late, my neighbor-friend Eva is there taking a very long time to shut the gate just so my kids get in without being "late". Another "Angel" who makes my life easier! I slept a big chunk of today. Felt good. Ran some errands, picked up the kids, came home to find Erwin home early. Woo Woo! As I was continuing chores, I hear the phone ring, Ethan yells,"It's Sara!" I looked at him and made the snide remark, "No it's not! Are you serious or are you lying?" LOL...nope, I didn't accuse him of joking - just straight out lying! It was her! I always try to act like I haven't been sitting on the phone waiting for her call. As if she believes me. They got a call and have a baby girl in need of a home. She is looking to be discharged on Thursday from the hospital and was born on the 22nd. She is officially 1 week old. BioMom and BioDad already want to give up their parental rights and be done with her. I can't imagine coming to that conclusion after just a few days, yet at all. Sara informs me this is not the first time for BioMom. She has other children who have been given up and adopted. Again, I shake my head in disbelief. Partly, because I have only heard stories on TV like this. Partly because I'm not sure how long it will take me to accept the fact that God has chosen me and my family to be these Angel's loved ones. I get the blessing of being this little ones Momma. Wow...

"Baby Boy" was a happy and healthy kiddo. "Baby Girl" isn't as much. From what we know she is already on a few different medications to fight off issues given to her by her BioMom. She has been given a rough start but we plan on making it a little more comfortable for her in the coming days or months. No, we don't know how long she will bless us with her presence. Most likely longer than "Baby Boy". I know nothing else other than I will hear from the County Placement Worker tomorrow sometime and then hopefully get to visit her in the NICU just about 2 miles from the house or at least talk to her nurse about how she is doing. So, I wait. Good thing is tomorrow is FULL of stuff to do. Dishes, Laundry, end of year Teacher gifts to make, tagging for Trunk Treasures, helping set up for Trunk Treasures, vacuum seal fruit I just bought, just the basics. Hoping that will keep me busy and make tomorrow fly by so may pick her up on Thursday. I'm in awe of this road we have been lead down. I love what we are doing as a family. I love that we are doing it as a family. I am so fulfilled by each and every conversation we have about Fostering. Crazy it took 8 years to figure out this is where I am supposed to be. It feels so good. So, please check back often and subscribe if you can. That way you will get an email whenever I update. It's gonna be exciting I know that for sure. My definition of 'exciting' might be a little fuzzy tho. It's a good fuzzy!! Night Night - :)Amy

When to throw in the towel

Over and over I am hit with the thought, "Is now the time?" Is now the time to give in? Is now the time I stop believing it will ever change? Is now the time to say it all and not regret a word? Is now the time to end it? Is now the time to say "you are crazy Amy! You can never give up!" Hell if I should know. You would think after asking myself that question for years that I would have the answer or at least be a bit closer to it. When do you stop believing? When I ask that question in my head of course, I always hear others respond "never stop believing!" And then I think how stupid that is. Of course we don't stop believing that one day a dream can come true. But what if every day for many many MANY years someone walks in your door and says directly to you that "IT IS NOT EVER HAPPENING"! Isn't there a time you can look back at that person and say ok, next dream. I might be at that point. Such the Pollyanna I am. Really, I have had many people refer to me as such. Not bad. I actually like it. Only problem being that it makes for a long, exhausting ride home. Ive taken that road home so many times, one wonders how I or anyone else can continue to refer to me as Pollyanna. Ive also been the type of person who truly feels that what I don't know won't hurt me. Although, it seems that once I find it out, I'm floored. I'm flattened. All the air is sucked right from me. Being naive is kind of a trait I have mastered while really in the know. Naive or being in denial? Same thing or totally different? I have asked this question numerous times, too many to obviously count. Why me? hahaha. I know a lot of people have. But someone always answers to me, a real person really answers when I ask them this, because that's just who you are. I keep going back for more, why? Because that's just who you are. You don't just give up and walk away. When do I stop? When does anyone stop? Maybe you stop but you don't close the door all the way? No, Ive tried that before. Doesn't work. You can't do something almost all the way. You gotta turn right or left. You can't turn the wheel kinda left and a little right or SMACK! right into the building on the corner. And we all know how much I hate a car accident.

Here I am at 130 in the morning full knowing I have to go to a dr appt at 845am. I sit in a little bit of discomfort since I have a kidney stone chillin' in my right kidney. Yep, chillin. I need to take my meds and be comfortable in my bed so I can get to my appt tomorrow. 3 stones in 5 months. Can you beat that? lol. I ask as if someone will answer. I keep believing as if something will change. Should I even try to type the words 'move on'. Nothing will change and I am not the only one in the entire world who has fought so hard that they have nothing left to give! Not even a ratty old white flag to wave! It's gone. It's all gone. And I think it's almost ok. I will not wither away. I will not be any less than I was 4 days ago, or 4 years ago. I am more. I am truthful and I am stronger because of it. That fight, that strength is now going to rebuild itself to be used another day for something that will change. Something that will benefit me. Something I believe will make me into the woman, mother, wife, friend that I was always meant to be but was never sure enough that I could be. I'm 35 and tomorrow is another day. That I believe...

Friday Night -- Yee Haw!

I am so tired after this crazy long week. Got back from Brentwood, in the hills that is, on Monday evening. I had a sore throat and felt like I had a good cold. Tuesday woke up and said heck no I won't go...and either are the kids! I honestly coulnd't even think about putting shoes on with my pajamas, barking morning orders and driving the kids to school. So, we all got some much needed sleep and rest. Remind me to never take a late flight in on a school night. Kids can handle it, but mamma can not! I never got out of bed on Tuesday. The cold hit me like a tons of bricks. The angel's were shining down and guided my kids down the perfect behavior path. They came when I called them. They got me water. They asked when they wanted to eat or watch TV. Why do I have to be sick for all this to happen? Wednesday was a recovery day for me to get back to normal and the kids to get to school and then catch up on homework. Thursday the weather took center stage. 80 and up and the air conditioning came on! Thank goodness we have air! Our neighbors just got theirs installed today. Im super happy for them and feel like celebrating too! I don't know what we ever did without it. Well, I do know. We walked around with almost nothing on and sweat like pigs. Sleeping was a nightmare back then. And sheets were all we used with every window open throughout the whole house. Open at night and close them in the morning. No mas! Im looking forward to having only one planned event this weekend. And it is not even for us. But is it ever really? I am sleeping in tomorrow. Hopefully Er will be home from volleyball practice before I wake up. Then a little bow making and bday present shopping. Nothing else mandatory I tell you! Nothing. Then there is Sunday. Then there will be 5 more wake-ups till Spring Break. Oh ya baby! School is off and so is Mom!

Rules

Time for bed for sure but I think about this every time I think about typing in a note. "When did I do my last entry? Is it too soon to write another one. No, I need to just wait till tomorrow." What the??? Their are no rules and 'Single Dad Laughing' just reminded me of that as I read his daily entry. Just write.

Today Abby and I went and got our nails done. Well, I got my fill and she got her manicure that she has been begging for since her 6th birthday I think. No, she had to have gone their at least once last year. Anyway, she loves Ms. Kendra. My nail lady/therapist. This activity is a very special one for Abby and strictly reserved for only special occasions. Her and I are headed north on Friday to attend my nephew and Godson's Baptism. He is my first Godchild and I am so blessed to have been asked by Jared and Deana. What a great feeling...mostly. Kind of makes me a bit old. Even older than me saying that I only have 4 1/2 years till I am 40. Well, wait. that looks weird that I just typed it. Either way, I can't wait to hold mi amor and love him and hug him and kiss him and squeeze him and name him George! That is from Bugs Bunny cartoons of yesteryear. hahaha. With Marvin Martian I think too. I will also get to see my other nephews which I cannot get enough of. I digress, Abby and I sat next to each other while we got our nails done and for a moment, she was 15. And we were spending some quality time chatting and relaxing without the boys. (I dropped off Ethan at the gym with Dad.) I think the nail salon will be the one place where I can be her friend. She can talk to me like I am her best friend. Tell me about the cutest boy in her class and not feel like Dad or her brother will walk around the corner and hear her secrets. We can drool over the cutest guys on TV and not seem foolish or uncool. Then, she suddenly asks for 2 more quarters for more skillets. (I'm not going to erase that because I said it while we were at the salon too... SKITTLES...not skillets.LOL) Hi, she is 7 again. Just like that. "Can we go to Subway?" Me: No. "Can we go to McDonald's?" Me: No. Back to reality. 7 years later people still tell her everyday that she is bee-utiful. Two people in my presence today. I think the biggest part is not her hair color or her skin tone, it's her light inside her soul. She shines it so bright that everyone can see it radiate through her eyes. She is fearless and strong and confident in who she is. She dances like no one is watching. What a gift I have in her.

Now, let's pray for a great trip up north. Let's pray for a calm, joyful Baptismal celebration and 1st Birthday for Zack. Mostly for D & J. Pray for well behaving mothers and fathers and in-laws! I'm tired and the Excedrin took away my oncoming headache. Time for bed. Looking forward to a shower tomorrow. lol...yep, a shower. This week has been one thing after another so very little time to take a shower. A moment in the life of a Work At Home Mom! Fun times I tell you.

Good Night...