Note Taker - Hat #5

A yucky part of my job is to watch BioMom's every move while with "Little Man". After the visit I have to document anything that I feel was inappropriate or that may have a positive or negative impact on the case. I can only document actual things said or done.  No feelings, no assumptions, no thoughts. BioMom's visit notes are either super boring or full of stuff! Lately, she has been very talkative. She does know I take notes to be turned in. We occasionally talk about how the other women in the house are warning her about me, "the foster mom". Things are said like "she is going to take him from you." "You better not talk to her. She is probably saying bad things about you." It's all good. BioMom knows I am not like that. First of all, I don't take notes at the visits. I scrapbook on my laptop. Duh! Secondly, BioMom knows Erwin and I are not looking to take "Little Man" from her. We are not going to adopt. We want to help. I am on her side... for the most part.

Well, the last few visits BioMom has been telling me things that might have an impact on her case and I have to report them to the SW. I think this is one reason I haven't blogged in awhile. It seems to be so serious and I don't want to say something I shouldn't and give something away. (completely over thinking things) At just about every visit she mentions something about getting "unsupervised visits". Those are exactly what you think they are. For me, it's a horrific thought. "Overnight visits" are my nightmare. She wants to know when and how and when and how and when. Constantly comparing herself to a few others in the house who are getting these visits with their kids. What she forgets or doesn't understand is these other women have been in their case for years or at least more than 9 months. But BioMom won't stop asking. Forget about finishing her parenting classes or asking questions about the development of her son. Wait, I'm sorry. Every visit I hear, "Is he crawling?" Forget about asking how does a mom raise kids, work full time and have a life? These are things I would think she would be thinking. I sometimes forget she is not like me.

:l  Amy

Helloooo?!?!

Ummm…. Hi! I just took your son almost all the way across the United States and you have no clue if we even arrived at our destination!! Maybe you should call me to check!

We went on a long overdue vacation last week and took Little Man with us. We had to ask the judge and get permission from all 3 attorneys before we traveled with him.  All was good and the vacation was amazing except the fact that BioMom didn’t call me till day 7 of a 9 day trip. And that happened because I left a message with the SW on day 6. I’m sure she called BioMom which prompted the call. Whatever. I’ll see BioMom at her next visit and it will be interesting as always I’m sure. I’m just getting a bit nervous as things are going to change soon since we are getting further into the case. Little Man is turning 9 months this week. I’m scared of unsupervised visits. I don’t think she can handle it. I am scared of overnight visits. I’m scared she is going to get him back.  That will be the hardest thing of all for us. If I have to hand him over to her... Just the thought of it. Really I don’t know how we are going to do it. I can’t even see Erwin being there when we do it. We will have to trust the system. Hahaha! Ya right!

;)Amy

Survey says....

He is NOT the Baby-Daddy! I really didn’t think it was going to turn out this way. That only happens in the movies right?! My jaw dropped when the SW told me on the phone. Well, the initial message on my phone said that his visits are suspended till further notice and if he calls me to direct him to her. My heart was literally racing. When she did tell me that it came back negative I felt really bad. This young man, aka drug addict, took 8 months to decide if he was going to step forward and be a Dad. He came to 2 visits and was dedicating his life to being the father! He offered to buy me a new car seat at the last visit. Erwin smugly says, “We should have asked the SW to wait on giving the news till after he bought us a car seat!” (Horrible!) He brought 5 pairs of new shoes for Little Man. He was so proud of them. He told me he had bought him a 1^st birthday outfit with shiny black shoes. What could possibly be going through this guys mind right now? It just sucks for me to think about it. Poor guy.

Poor Baby Mama! Erwin doesn’t seem to think so. I feel bad because I am a Mom. She was 200% sure it was this guy.  She has been saying all along how Little Man “looks just like his Dad”. She compares the clothes he wears sometimes to what his Dad would wear. There is even a lady in the house who knew the “Dad” and she said Little Man looks just like him.  Maybe I’m dreaming and I just watched an episode of Maury Povich.  Aye… I was to see BioMom that same day in a few hours. I let her bring up the subject.  When I walked in the door her face was swollen, almost like she was in a fight. Which could totally have been a possibility. We sat down and she told me she heard from the SW that morning and got the news. Immediately she began to tear up. Against Erwin’s better judgment I sat next to her and hugged her tight.  I honestly cannot imagine what she is feeling.  Just days ago she was very anxious about having to share Little Man with this guy and now he is not even in the picture.  I tried hard to get her to realize that all will be okay. Little did I know, things would be getting even crazier!

Something I stumbled upon...

http://vimeo.com/m/59547024

I hope this video comes through for you. It's called "Palms" by Deep Williams. If not maybe you can search it out and watch. Just stuff that makes you think and then feel good in the end. ;)

"Palms" is the story of a foster child in search of a forever family who is holding his heart in the palm of their hands. Winner of the 2013 International Family Film Festival - short drama category, Palms has been shown to various organizations, churches, and families to bring awareness to the plight of children and their experiences in foster care and adoption. Music selections were generously donated by various musical artists such as Moby, David Helping, John Torres, and Bela Fleck. The story is a personal reflection of the filmmaker and his wife who adopted a little boy through DCFS (Department of Children and Family Services) in Los Angeles, CA . It was through their personal experiences that brought this small film to light. The film stars Nathaniel Potvin from "Twist of Faith", Zondra Wilson, Regina Bryant, Jason Woods, and Steve Ward. Palms was written, produced, and directed by award winning filmmaker Deep Williams.

Im drained!!

It's the 2nd visit I have had with BioDad. Well, as he put it on a voicemail to me, "the alleged father of "Little Man"." lol... It's  horrible for me to laugh but I was listening to a drug addicted transient with a felony bench warrant who after 8 months finally decided to see if he was the father. Not exactly someone I imagined having the best vocabulary. Now, it is awkward. After the first visit with my Angel worker by my side, I was in the visit by myself at the CPS office. I actually think I am taller than him and we keep the room door open so I am not concerned. (As if height will protect me) I can't put my finger on it. But when I left the 2nd time, I just felt emotionally drained. There isn't a lot of conversation. I try to keep busy on the laptop while he is playing with "Little Man". BioDad (alleged) does very well with him. 10x better than BioMom did in the first few visits. I didn't have to teach him how to hold the baby or change his diaper. Bonus! I can only think that it's because it's a dude. I don't have much in common with a dude. Let alone a drug addict dude. At least with BioMom I could relate to the "girl" factor. Or even the "learning how to be a Mom" factor. With BioDad, the only relateable piece is I have a younger brother. Not a drug-addict-Baby-Daddy-felony-bench-warrant-brother. Just a brother.  We have some of Erwin's boy students who we are very close with. But I am telling you it's not the same.  I really feel like I have to work at being comfortable. I don't get it. I am seriously thinking about having Erwin do the visit next week. He hasn't done any visits with BioMom (I don't want him to scare her...lol...why the heck am I protective of her?!) We shall see. Oooo what a blog that would be!!

For now, I'm just super glad it's summer vacation for the kids and for Erwin. He is there when I get home and his arms are open for the hand-off. I give him a diaper, feeding and nap report and then I'm up the stairs to re-charge! Thank GOD!!

:)Amy

p.s. Happy 4th of July!

Really?

Can you imagine an entire "Sober-living" house being on restriction? I immediately say to myself, "Are you serious? Not one of those women spoke up to say "maybe this isn't a good idea...". I mean come on." What did they do? I have no idea. BioMom must be in the counseling session about not sharing much with the foster mom because she is not giving up much these days. Or she heard from the investigator that I didn't think she can handle "Little Man" by herself. Either way, she does let me know the whole house is on restriction because they can't wait to watch TV this weekend. I get that. A little while later, she then lets me know she can't leave the house because of her own personal restriction. Seriously?? I have this bad feeling I know who the ring leader of the house restriction was.

BioMom had left a voicemail for me one day. She was calling to check in on "Little Man".  Most likely because I told the investigator she hasn't ever called to check in. She can call me as much as she wants. Or more like, as much as she is allowed to use the phone. Back to the voicemail... I decided one afternoon to let "Little Man" listen to the voicemail to see if he would recognize his Mommy. Sure enough he looks away from the phone and at my face then back at the phone. He knew. Kind of cute. The next visit I had with BioMom I pulled out the phone while she was holding "Little Man". I played the voicemail on speaker and he immediately turned his head to his Mommy. I mean not even 4 seconds went by and he knew who he was listening to and who was holding him. BioMom looked at me with the happiest surprised eyes. It was a nice Mom-Moment. Those don't come very often for her.

:)Amy

Funnier?

I need to be funnier, more amusing, use more whitty insights... I get it. I realize I have been writing at the late hours of the day when I just need to get a post entered. Or I am typing as fast as I can before "Little Man" wakes up. Gotta update! Gotta update!  As I reflect I think there is less funny going on with this journey. With our "Baby Girl" we had no idea what we were headed into everyday as new foster parents. But it was easy cheesy with no bio-parents. This case... not so much. Easy-Cheesy never enters my mind as a descriptor. Let me just give you a quick run-down of events for the recent past...

May 26th: Bio-Mom has 1st public visit with her adoptive Mom at Plaza Bonita.
May 26th: Agreement made to wait for call from BioMom during the week to schedule next weekend visit. She has been allowed 1hr every weekend on top of Mondays 2hr visit.
May 31st: No calls for visit. (No way she is going to miss the 2nd visit)
June 2nd: Call from BioMom: "Amy where are you?" Me:"At home, Why? What's up?" Yep she missed the 2nd visit! She "...thought..." wrong.
June 3rd: BioMom visit - she also missed her 2nd court ordered parenting class. Bus was late... totally understandable! Solid visit scheduled for every Sunday. No misunderstandings now.
June 5th: Voicemail rcvd from BioMom: All weekend visits are now cancelled. Mondays are still the same. What the?? SW didnt know anything about it.
hmmm....
June 11th: 6mo court date where BioMom is granted 6 more months of services to learn how to be a sober mom. Also, BioDad shows up!! Yep, you read right! He has arrived! Oh ya - this is after the fact I was told that BioMom cannot have anythng to do with him since he has a felony bench warrant. But forget about that. Not important anymore. BioDad will get one supervised 1hr visit a week till we confirm paternity.
June 13th: Visit with BioMom since we had to reschedule for my family event on Monday. Big change ... She will now get 2- 1hr visits each week. She felt she wasn't bonding with baby. Needs to see more of him.
The count is now   BioMom - 2x a week   BioDad - 1x a week  Foster Mama - 3x a week to see young, unexperienced, hopefully sober bioparents.
June 17th: Visit with BioMom & then DNA testing for "Little Man" - Is BioMom telling the truth?
June 20th: Visit with BioMom in half-way house then off to CPS for a visit with BioDad.

Now since May 26th (and further back then that) my 7mo old "Little Man" has slept through the night 1 stinkin' time! Tired doesn't even begin to describe how I feel daily. Today I have in one hand a paper bag with a Jamba Juice Apple Pretzel in it. Balancing on my knee I have a cup of water. In my lap I have a sleeping 24lb baby boy! I wanted another chunk of pretzel so I stuck my hand in the cup of water.
Nice!!

Till next time...
:)Amy