Wednesdays

Sticks in a bundle cannot be broken.

Bondei Proverb

 

So there you go. Thank God I have my other Angel Mommies and Daddies! We are such a strong support for one another. I meet with a group of them every Wednesday! I truly look forward to this day! Even on days I'm mentally and physically exhausted. Somedays I want to hear how much worse their case is than mine. Horrible, I know. But come on! It makes me feel better about my situation with "Little Man". No one ever says that. Even I don't say it AT the group. But it's true! Hearing about other Angel's visits and schedules helps me feel normal. We talk about withdrawals from Meth and how screwed up our Angel Babies minds and days get after leaving BioMom's visit. And of course the all too often subject of "What the heck is that judge/social worker/attorney thinking?!?!"  That sentence gets said at least once every Wednesday!! Through it all, as a "bundle" we can't be broken! Angel's has wrapped us tightly with support that is unmatched. Now if only they could read our minds so we didn't have to call or email them. 

 

:)Amy

BioMom is not going to like this...

Time to check in with the County worker and my Angel's worker.  Quarterly, Angel's collects my notes, my receipts and medication logs. We also meet with the County worker to get a feel of where the case is headed for the next three months. This is where new details are thrown at us after thinking for the last few months that we know what is going to happen. HAHAHA - we don't know anything.

After the latest check-in meeting with the SW, BioMom got a surprise visit from her with "Little Man". I just dropped him off at the county office and picked him up a few hours later.  The SW needed to discuss some of the things BioMom was reporting from her Attorney's. (per my notes) You know, like "If the SW asks, don't tell her the fathers name. Just act like you don't know."  The SW was also going to put some pressure on BioMom to really get involved in doing more than what was expected by the judge. I knew Monday's visit was going to be tough. The things she was told by her SW are going to bring out some kind of emotion. Especially the one about moving "Little Man" to a concurrent home. I was a nervous wreck. I almost cancelled the visit. "What if she lashes out at me?" kept going through my head. What made it worse was the SW instructed her to call me and I didn't get any calls.  For sure she is holding it all in to give it to me on Monday!

I walked into the house and it was as if last Thursday didn’t happen. Like it was a normal run of the mill visit from the SW.  She didn’t seem phased at all. She said she was very nervous because the SW didn’t talk much, just watched and took notes. She did say she wanted her to call more. I asked if she had the privilege of as many phone calls as she wanted or if there was only a few allowed a day since she very rarely calls me to check on "Little Man".  Turns out she has as many as she has money to use the Pay Phone. She was so excited about the possibility of an overnight/unsupervised visit. Which by the way isn't even close to happening in the real world. It was as if that was the only thing she got from the visit.  A possibility.

I completely over thought this visit. I could of sworn she was going to have some kind of emotion or more interaction with "Little Man". Neither. Just when I think I understand how she works, I'm stumped.

:/ Amy

Note Taker - Hat #5

A yucky part of my job is to watch BioMom's every move while with "Little Man". After the visit I have to document anything that I feel was inappropriate or that may have a positive or negative impact on the case. I can only document actual things said or done.  No feelings, no assumptions, no thoughts. BioMom's visit notes are either super boring or full of stuff! Lately, she has been very talkative. She does know I take notes to be turned in. We occasionally talk about how the other women in the house are warning her about me, "the foster mom". Things are said like "she is going to take him from you." "You better not talk to her. She is probably saying bad things about you." It's all good. BioMom knows I am not like that. First of all, I don't take notes at the visits. I scrapbook on my laptop. Duh! Secondly, BioMom knows Erwin and I are not looking to take "Little Man" from her. We are not going to adopt. We want to help. I am on her side... for the most part.

Well, the last few visits BioMom has been telling me things that might have an impact on her case and I have to report them to the SW. I think this is one reason I haven't blogged in awhile. It seems to be so serious and I don't want to say something I shouldn't and give something away. (completely over thinking things) At just about every visit she mentions something about getting "unsupervised visits". Those are exactly what you think they are. For me, it's a horrific thought. "Overnight visits" are my nightmare. She wants to know when and how and when and how and when. Constantly comparing herself to a few others in the house who are getting these visits with their kids. What she forgets or doesn't understand is these other women have been in their case for years or at least more than 9 months. But BioMom won't stop asking. Forget about finishing her parenting classes or asking questions about the development of her son. Wait, I'm sorry. Every visit I hear, "Is he crawling?" Forget about asking how does a mom raise kids, work full time and have a life? These are things I would think she would be thinking. I sometimes forget she is not like me.

:l  Amy

Helloooo?!?!

Ummm…. Hi! I just took your son almost all the way across the United States and you have no clue if we even arrived at our destination!! Maybe you should call me to check!

We went on a long overdue vacation last week and took Little Man with us. We had to ask the judge and get permission from all 3 attorneys before we traveled with him.  All was good and the vacation was amazing except the fact that BioMom didn’t call me till day 7 of a 9 day trip. And that happened because I left a message with the SW on day 6. I’m sure she called BioMom which prompted the call. Whatever. I’ll see BioMom at her next visit and it will be interesting as always I’m sure. I’m just getting a bit nervous as things are going to change soon since we are getting further into the case. Little Man is turning 9 months this week. I’m scared of unsupervised visits. I don’t think she can handle it. I am scared of overnight visits. I’m scared she is going to get him back.  That will be the hardest thing of all for us. If I have to hand him over to her... Just the thought of it. Really I don’t know how we are going to do it. I can’t even see Erwin being there when we do it. We will have to trust the system. Hahaha! Ya right!

;)Amy

Survey says....

He is NOT the Baby-Daddy! I really didn’t think it was going to turn out this way. That only happens in the movies right?! My jaw dropped when the SW told me on the phone. Well, the initial message on my phone said that his visits are suspended till further notice and if he calls me to direct him to her. My heart was literally racing. When she did tell me that it came back negative I felt really bad. This young man, aka drug addict, took 8 months to decide if he was going to step forward and be a Dad. He came to 2 visits and was dedicating his life to being the father! He offered to buy me a new car seat at the last visit. Erwin smugly says, “We should have asked the SW to wait on giving the news till after he bought us a car seat!” (Horrible!) He brought 5 pairs of new shoes for Little Man. He was so proud of them. He told me he had bought him a 1^st birthday outfit with shiny black shoes. What could possibly be going through this guys mind right now? It just sucks for me to think about it. Poor guy.

Poor Baby Mama! Erwin doesn’t seem to think so. I feel bad because I am a Mom. She was 200% sure it was this guy.  She has been saying all along how Little Man “looks just like his Dad”. She compares the clothes he wears sometimes to what his Dad would wear. There is even a lady in the house who knew the “Dad” and she said Little Man looks just like him.  Maybe I’m dreaming and I just watched an episode of Maury Povich.  Aye… I was to see BioMom that same day in a few hours. I let her bring up the subject.  When I walked in the door her face was swollen, almost like she was in a fight. Which could totally have been a possibility. We sat down and she told me she heard from the SW that morning and got the news. Immediately she began to tear up. Against Erwin’s better judgment I sat next to her and hugged her tight.  I honestly cannot imagine what she is feeling.  Just days ago she was very anxious about having to share Little Man with this guy and now he is not even in the picture.  I tried hard to get her to realize that all will be okay. Little did I know, things would be getting even crazier!

Something I stumbled upon...

http://vimeo.com/m/59547024

I hope this video comes through for you. It's called "Palms" by Deep Williams. If not maybe you can search it out and watch. Just stuff that makes you think and then feel good in the end. ;)

"Palms" is the story of a foster child in search of a forever family who is holding his heart in the palm of their hands. Winner of the 2013 International Family Film Festival - short drama category, Palms has been shown to various organizations, churches, and families to bring awareness to the plight of children and their experiences in foster care and adoption. Music selections were generously donated by various musical artists such as Moby, David Helping, John Torres, and Bela Fleck. The story is a personal reflection of the filmmaker and his wife who adopted a little boy through DCFS (Department of Children and Family Services) in Los Angeles, CA . It was through their personal experiences that brought this small film to light. The film stars Nathaniel Potvin from "Twist of Faith", Zondra Wilson, Regina Bryant, Jason Woods, and Steve Ward. Palms was written, produced, and directed by award winning filmmaker Deep Williams.

Im drained!!

It's the 2nd visit I have had with BioDad. Well, as he put it on a voicemail to me, "the alleged father of "Little Man"." lol... It's  horrible for me to laugh but I was listening to a drug addicted transient with a felony bench warrant who after 8 months finally decided to see if he was the father. Not exactly someone I imagined having the best vocabulary. Now, it is awkward. After the first visit with my Angel worker by my side, I was in the visit by myself at the CPS office. I actually think I am taller than him and we keep the room door open so I am not concerned. (As if height will protect me) I can't put my finger on it. But when I left the 2nd time, I just felt emotionally drained. There isn't a lot of conversation. I try to keep busy on the laptop while he is playing with "Little Man". BioDad (alleged) does very well with him. 10x better than BioMom did in the first few visits. I didn't have to teach him how to hold the baby or change his diaper. Bonus! I can only think that it's because it's a dude. I don't have much in common with a dude. Let alone a drug addict dude. At least with BioMom I could relate to the "girl" factor. Or even the "learning how to be a Mom" factor. With BioDad, the only relateable piece is I have a younger brother. Not a drug-addict-Baby-Daddy-felony-bench-warrant-brother. Just a brother.  We have some of Erwin's boy students who we are very close with. But I am telling you it's not the same.  I really feel like I have to work at being comfortable. I don't get it. I am seriously thinking about having Erwin do the visit next week. He hasn't done any visits with BioMom (I don't want him to scare her...lol...why the heck am I protective of her?!) We shall see. Oooo what a blog that would be!!

For now, I'm just super glad it's summer vacation for the kids and for Erwin. He is there when I get home and his arms are open for the hand-off. I give him a diaper, feeding and nap report and then I'm up the stairs to re-charge! Thank GOD!!

:)Amy

p.s. Happy 4th of July!