I Love Visit Time!

NOT!  When not on spring break we wake up at 7am and take the kids to school starting with Abby at 740 and then Ethan at 8am. We get home at 810 to 820 depending on the traffic. We sit down for breakfast and since “Little Man” is a super vacuum, we leave the kitchen about 15mins later.  Straight to the living room for Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and some email checking.  At 9am we head upstairs so I can get ready while “Little Man” hangs out in his crib and watches a bit more Mickey Mouse.  For this to happen without a hitch, I have to immediately open up the drapes before I put him in his crib.  If not, the thought of a possible bed time for “Little Man” produces a scream for all to hear.

We must leave the house at 9:30am for us to get to the visit on time.  I decided just recently to have the visits at the Child Welfare office.  They have rooms for us to use for this purpose.  I feel like having the visits at the park as they were previously isn’t realistic for BioMom.  “Little Man” loves being outside and running around.  He could do it all day, rain or shine. Perfect right? On top of that, I am there for him to feel comfortable.  I’m also there for BioMom to walk up to whenever she wants to and chat.  This makes her more comfortable.  It’s not real life. Real life is being stuck in a one room apartment, an office appt and having to deal with a toddler who wants to touch everything and be loud.  That is perfect! So, as soon as we get to the office, BioMom is usually sitting right inside the door. “Little Man” is always glad to see her and walks over to her with no hesitation. We then go to the visit room which is filled with toys and books and a table and chairs.  BioMom and “Little Man” walk through the door and I say my goodbyes adding any important updates that may affect her visit. Sometimes, he is super tired or super cranky. She closes the door and the fun begins.  “Little Man” begins his vocal exercises crying and screaming. The past few visits it hasn’t lasted long.  (insert smarty pants comment about Biomom – I forgot what I was going to say after taking a break from writing.) Serious note, BioMom is getting more at ease with him as he is getting used to being with her.  Gosh I hate saying that at this point. It is what I should be hoping for but lately I am finding myself wishing for a fall!

What is that?

I’ve been reading a blog lately that is actually not current but it started back in 2005. I’m in 2006 and hooked as ever.  It is written by a Foster Dad and it’s titled “Other Peoples Kids”. www.thefosterdad.blogspot.com  I love it! Wish I had thought of it first! Anyway this guy is a great writer and has an amazing insight into the foster world having been a foster brother for most of his life.  His Mom was a foster mom for 30 years.  So not only do we get his perspective on being a new foster dad but he adds his Moms opinions and experiences too. LOVE IT! I hope he starts again or wrote a book or something so when I get to the end of his blog I can continue.  Anyways my point of telling you this is he has a few genius items he includes in his blog which I am going to borrow/copy/ steal. Hope he doesn’t mind. The first one I am implementing to help you all along in my story is a list of terminology I use.  During our Foster Momma support group we sometimes stop and laugh at the conversation we just had.  We can't imagine what the flies on the walls must be thinking.

As you read, please don't hesitate to as me questions if you have them. I welcome any comments too. Fostering is important and it needs to be talked about more. I  would love to be one who starts that conversation for you.

Countdown has begun!

3 1/2 weeks from today.  The 18 month hearing will be taking place and I will be sitting in the room.  I was asked if I wanted to be there and I jumped at the chance. I thought about it afterwards, but said yes immediately when she brought it up. I was told I have invested our families lives in this little boy and his mother and deserve to be present when the judge makes his next decision.  Thinking about it, I realized I want to see what the judges face looks like when he hears all the "progress" BioMom has made. NOT! I want to see and hear how he addresses BioMom. Is he genuinely concerned about her as a Mom or is he tainted by the criminal aspect of her life, especially since she had revisited her juvenile delinquent status recently.  What I am really afraid of is the judge treating her like a case number. If I knew that is how the hearing would be going I honestly wouldn't want to be there. It will infuriate me! Not because I am involved and this "case" is about the well-being of my son, more so because I would be sitting there not able to say anything. Not able to tell the judge that he has no clue what he is talking about. That the county system is the reason this girl is sitting here in this situation.  Maybe I should get a T-shirt made with "Little Man's" picture on it. lol... Fine, I won't.
I'm really not interested in how the next 3 1/2 weeks are going to play out.  I'm so done with visits and the joke of the county workers decision making. Clarifying of course that I do like my SW as a person.  She is very sweet.  I know she has a good heart.  I just don't understand how she is all connected with that heart.  It's almost like she turns it off when she makes the decisions.  I mean, the decision to recommend Termination of Rights is a hard decision to make but then why follow that up with a referral for more services for BioMom?!  I don't get it!

Boo Boos Galore

Hate this part of the foster parent gig. Having a toddler boy who runs every chance he gets. If he's not running he's climbing anything or sharing his skills of walking backwards or spinning in circles, conveniently taught by his big brother. He hasn't even mastered the walking with balance piece. It's all setting up the perfect BooBoo! And why is it always on his face? It's because he knows that I love having to pin him down for a picture.  Then, I immensely enjoy writing the report of how he hurt himself... when, where and who was there. I have to send it to my Angel's worker along with the picture and if the BooBoo is bad enough then she must write a report and send it to the SW. This immediately pings the Licensing Dept. and we have to hope they don't decide to do a surprise investigation visit. Makes me nervous but my Angel's worker always reminds me that BooBoo's on toddler boys are normal. It is odd though, how the title of Foster Momma changes how I feel about bruises from falling on some blocks. I will say that "Little Man" is a tough little boy. He stumbles, trips and falls like other little ones learning to balance and walk, but he gets right back up. Such a good boy!


It's Friday!
Amy

I'm sick and tired

No for real... I'm sick and tired. Erwin is back to work in full force with school and the Club Volleyball. That means that I see him for about an hour and a half after his workouts with the high school volleyball girls.  Then he is off to the Boys and Girls Club to organize, coach, collect money and run his club.  I get him back around 9pm some nights and 1030pm on other nights. I do get a pseudo nap when he is home the first time. Thank goodness.  It recharges my batteries to take care of the kids and their activities for the rest of the day.  And of course it gives me the energy to chase my "Little Man".




I'm not sure where the icky sickies came from. We are diligent about washing hands in this house. Especially after school. But darn, it got me first. It's wearing me out! My head feels like it's going to implode. "Little Man" doesn't seem to think anything of it. Ripping up the foam letters that protect him from the ceramic tiles which he knows drives us all batty is much more fun than watching Momma lie down on the couch.  Even more fun is when I scoot over quickly to stop his games and jets over to my laptop trying to yank it off the table.  Can you guess what happens when I run over to catch the laptop before it hits the ground? Oh yes, the little nut runs right back to the foam letters to pull them up.  He is so ridiculous we can only laugh right along with him. He has taken to this running thing quite quickly. And the boy can stop on a dime. lol... He is so darn cute! Wish I could share his pics.


Till next time -- Night!
Amy

Back to Work I Go

She's out and wouldn't ya know she gets her visits back. With a nice 4 week break we will begin seeing Mommy for 2 hours twice a week. And yay I get to supervise! That means I sit there in the vicinity, in our case at the park about 20 yards away, and watch how Mommy treats "Little Man". How much she is on her cell phone... How many times she comes over to me to chat... How long she keeps him in the swing instead of letting him wander through the playground... Can't you hear the excitement in my words? We meet in the morning so it's a little cool in the air.  I have to bundle up with a blanket and bring a few different activities to keep me from falling asleep. Some crocheting, some digi-scrapping and some reading on the iPhone. BioMom thinks we will only be in this visit mode for a visit or two.  I happen to think otherwise.  I can feel that the wheels of the system are grinding away and things are about to change. Now, that is all I know and yes it's a feeling. Not even a fact.  I'm back to visits and I'm back to waiting for the calls to come through from the county.  Kathleen is making her emails and calls to the SW hoping to hear back.  It seems that the county is slow right now in the foster kid dept. Angel's has 6 or7 families waiting for babies. One family has been waiting for 3 months. So that should mean my SW should have some time to get on this case. Get on with it lady! Is BioMom a "No" or a "Go"?

What now??

Haven't been in the mood to write in a while.  Plus, really don't know what exactly to tell you about.  What do you wanna know? How about BioMom's trip back to Juvi for 3weeks. Or maybe how upset she was when I picked up "Little Man" one night  from his visit. She had been raided by her PO's during her "time with him". She didn't want him to see that. (Ya, 'cuz he'll never see an officer again in his life if he is with her.) Or do you want to hear how people are asking and questioning us about "Why don't you want to adopt him?" "He's starting to look like you!" Oh I know, I'll tell you about my dream/nightmare I had this weekend.


It was real for sure. Except, when I woke up in a full sweat I knew, for sure, it wasn't! I got a phone call from the BioDad.  He was ready to set up visits with "Little Man". I was not happy because BioMom has already been taking up so much of my time lately.  I meet him some random neighborhood.  Not the good kind with a security gate.  He is definitely not the fatherly-looking type.  "Little Man" is at the county office with the social worker I assumed.  BioDad was following me in his car so we could meet up with them. Before we got out od the car in the parking lot I was checking my phone messages and saw a county number in the missed calls. I stopped and listened.  "BioDad is now in the picture and he will get one visit of one hour each week for now. Blah blah blah" Ok, normal, whatever.  Then for some reason there was a stack of mail on the passenger seat next to me.  I see there is one from the county. After opening it I read that this case is to be handle with EXTRA CARE because BioDad is a murderer! Say what? I see in my rearview mirror that he on his way towards my car so we can walk in together.  Reading faster, the letter tells m the details of the event he was responsible for. He shot some government officials or something extra wrong. Now  I have to act all calm and like the letter was nothing because he standing at my car door. All I kept thinking the entire way to the building, through the offices, inside the elevator was "He doesn't know this is a government building but the second he realizes it he is going to takeoff!  Or easier he'll just attack everyone." Still smiling we made our trip upstairs and he never gave me any reason to be scared. The letter from the county was all I needed.  Which sucks 'cuz now I wish I hadn't read it.  "Did he see the words on the paper when he was outside my car door? He is going to be pissed if he knows I know that." BEEP BEEP BEEP!!!! The alarm goes off and I'm soaking in sweat from my head to my toes.


See? Your day could have been fine without knowing that right?  Just for the record, none of that dream is remotely true. As of yet... we still don't have a paternity test on file.


Till there are more fun times to report,


Amy